Friction
by Maggiejumps4cheese
Summary: Mac being an obsessed ex boyfriend
1. Chapter 1

**Hey! I'm going to be brave and submitt one of my stories. It's about Mac, the character from Red Canyon, but some of it takes place outside of Utah. I'm going to be telling it in flash backs and present day sections. It's my first time publishing so im kinda nervous. I feel like i could constantly edit everything i write but im just going to bite the bullet and float this one out there.**

 **Sorry for the typos/ if this uploads wrong again. My word processor stinks and im brand new at this, trying to figure out all the kinks. I uploaded the wrong version twice already but hopefully I've figured it out**

 **Does anyone know what happened to that story "the captive heart"? I was realy enjoying it and im so bummed its gone.**

 **oh, also, trigger warnings apply for drug addiction and abusive relationships. Then again, its mac, so you're probably into that. If not though dont read!**

I heard him before i saw him, and the sound of his voice made my legs want to give out on me. I let them, falling to a crouch behind the crumbling stone wall I stood near and trying to reign my thoughts in.

He had found me.

How?

No, it was impossible.

There was no way that could be anyone else's voice though. My body had been trained to respond it. I could almost feel his hand clamped onto the back of my neck, and my shoulders drew up to my ears as though the pressure were actually there.

Fear was making my insides melt and threaten to spill out of me. How he he found me? What was he doing here? I was miles, hell, fucking states, away from his run down shack in Utah. How had he found me?

My brain cycled this on repeat. I couldn't do anything but stay frozen and hope my feet wouldn't betray me. I could feel my body trying to react to its masters voice. It wanted to go towards him.

No! I shook my head, trying to regain control, not my master, just some sick fuck i got away from. Not my master, i don't have a master. I'm nobodies cat.

"You need someone like me to tell you what to do don't you?" His voice played like a recording in my head. I shut my eyes and i could see him, see us both, in that dusty desert town where nothing grew. He was standing behind me, my back flush with his chest. He had my chin in his hand, tilting my head back towards him so that my head was on his collarbone. I was whimpering and shaking against him. I could feel his grin against the back of my neck. I was terrified of him, but he stirred up a lust so primal in me that I couldn't stay away. Despite all my resolve, i never could resist him. All he had to do was tell me to come to him and i would, i was powerless against his voice.

"Don't you?" The memory of him asked again, the hand not at my throat was moving the fabric of my shirt aside and dipping down into the waist band of my shorts "its okay priddy kitty, you kin tell me"

Liquid started to pool between my legs, and heat spread up my belly. I wanted to touch myself but was afraid he'd get mad. I opened my mouth to ask permission and then realized where i was.

I wasn't in his arms. I was digging my nails into crumbling white rock, trying desperately to stay where i was and not reveal myself, despite every though other fiber of my being acting frantic to be discovered by him though.

Trying to regain control of my thoughts, I blamed my panting and sweating on the California sun. I wasn't fooling myself however, not so deep down I knew it was being this close to him again that made my body unpredictable.

Mercifully, when i strained to listen i could hear that the voices were moving further away. The spell was broken once I couldn't hear him, and when i was sure I wouldn't be seen when i stood up, i took off running towards my tent.

XxXxXxX

His memory continued to assault me as I frantically tried to pack my meager belongings.

'Where do'ya think yer going priddy kitty?' His voice, soft and playful, was teasing me from just beyond my peripheral vision. I heard it louder in my head, booming like thunder, when i tried to ignore it and keep packing 'did i say you could fuckin' leave?'

I could hear my voice repeating 'no' quietly over and over to no one. I felt distant, above my body, above all reason and logic. I knew it was too late, that he had already found me, but I couldn't stop myself from going through the motions.

'You can run' i promised myself, tears spilling down my face and blurring the sight of my hands stuffing clothes into my backpack ,'You can run, you can get away'

Then i heard the sound of his heavy, hurtful feet gaining on me. I felt my shirt being tugged back by his grip, a fierce whisper in my ear as i collided with his solid chest behind me 'You cant get away from me'

I screamed, loudly, and my whole body vibrated with the force of it. It was completely unexpected, and I marveled at how my body felt afterwards, in the afterglow. It felt good to expel energy that powerful. I was like a cougar hunched up and hissing a violent warning, bluffing with all its might. I imagined the cat in my mind, its yellow eyes sharp and focused; eyes that would not be reasoned with.

'Calli?'

I froze, my heart still beating like a animal, and then they called again.

'Calli, is that you?'

My breath rushed out of me in relief. It wasn't him, it was Martin.

"Yeah" i choked back, my throat still thick with emotion "sorry, there was a wasp in here"

"C'mere for a sec"

I sighed and wiped my eyes. I had to get it together, there were no other options. All i had to do was keep calm and figure out my next move. I could leave if i wanted, get pain for what i'd already completed and beg a ride into town. Or i could sit tight and lay low, hoping it was just some odd, cosmic coincidence that he had appeared at at the grow i was trying to work. Maybe he would leave me alone.

I wanted to stay and work though; the more i could trim the more i would earn, and i hadn't expected to have to leave before the end of the season. I needed that money, now more than ever. I put my hand over the small bump forming on my lower stomach. I hadn't started showing yet, not really, but it was firm under my touch. He couldn't find out about the baby. It wasn't just about me now, that was how i had even found the courage to leave in the first place.

"Yeah ill be right out" i called back, "gimme a minute"

I shut my eyes and did one of my breathing exercises. I pictured the big, jolly looking man who had taught me how via YouTube video as i did, keeping my palm pressed against my stomach as if i could feel her there. I hadn't felt the baby move yet, and it was still too early to even know if it was a girl, but I visualized it as female just the same.

I wiped my nose and eyes one last time, then slowly turned to crawl out of the tent to meet Martin.

XxXxXxX

I couldn't see him so i started walking towards the garden, figuring he had passed my tent as he usually did on his way to the plants. He typically had me help him if something came up while he was working out there; My tent was closer than the house where everyone else stayed. I huffed out my breath and shook the tension down my arms and out my fingers, keeping my head down so i could repeat my mantra as i approached.

'You're nobodies cat, you're nobodies cat' i whispered over and over to myself, an almost silent prayer that was barely more than a puff of of air passing over my vibrating lips. It helped, even if i were just 'faking it' until i could make it.

I saw Martin in front of one of the huge marijuana plants he had been able to grow this summer under the steady California sun, the things were truly massive. If you stretched your arms out you still couldn't fit them around it, and i figured he was talking to them like he usually did when I walked up to his side. He wasn't though, He'd been talking to someone just out of my line of sight, hidden by the tree-like bush, and when i lifted my head up to greet my friend all I could see him.

Something happened when our eyes connected. A crack of invisible lightning whipped across the backs of my knees and almost made me fall. Luckily, Martin was still saying something to Mac and hadn't seen my reaction.

Mac had though, even if his demeanor gave nothing away.

His eyes had widened for a second but that was it, then he was calm and composed again, returning his attention back to Martin and nodding as he spoke. He had known he'd find me here, there wasn't any surprise written on his face. For whatever reason, knowing i hadn't been able to trick him was worse than actually seeing him. Of course he had found me, an evil, sneaky voice whispered inside my head, making me twitch and tick, of course he had.

'Anyway' i heard Martin say above the static roaring past her ears 'this is calli, if there was a stray cat around here she'd know about it, she's always down by the barn feeding em"

"Cal" he said turning to me "this is Mac, he just moved in down the road. He says his cat took off and hasn't come back yet, came to ask if anyone's seen it"

I couldn't speak. I just nodded. Mac had moved in down the road? That was impossible. But there was was, standing in front of me. I rubbed my eyes, hoping the image of him before me would fade, but it didn't.

I could feel Martin staring at me, expecting me to say something, but I couldn't open my mouth. I didn't want to risk vomiting all over my feet. I wanted to run, wanted to flee him while i still had the chance. He hadn't caught me yet, i was still far enough away to leap back.

But another part of me felt relief. Just seeing him again was all the confirmation i could ever want. I felt an almost irresistible urge to take two steps forward and close the distance between us, to let his arms surround me again and pull me into his chest.

" _This will hurt"_ a voice reminded me

The baby. I couldn't let him near it. It's only chance of survival was without him.

I chanced a look up at him.

His eyes had narrowed at me but i could see the beginning of his signature smirk forming in a twitch on his side of his mouth. He was pleased with himself. I could hear his goddamn voice in my head again, speaking to me through that calculating stare 'There you are darlin'

"I haven't seen your cat" i blurted out suddenly, trying to break the spell. I didn't know where the words were coming from but i didn't try to stop them. I was weak against him but i was also pissed. He hadn't touched me yet, i still had a little bit of strength left "besides, cats don't run away like dogs do. Maybe she didn't like you very much. Maybe you should just let her go"

Martin made a scoffing noise and shook his head, laughing awkwardly.

"Don't be rude cal, the guys just looking for his pet"

 _Pet._

The word made me shiver and i had no choice but to close my eyes as my instincts tried to shake it off.

 _Pet_. A goddamn animal you keep.

 _Pet_. Something that relies on you to feed it and protect it, something that cowers beneath your hand when you're mad at it.

 _Pet_. Something you own, something you could put down or sell to another if it had lost its usefulness to you.

 _Pet_.

Then Mac spoke and it was over. My inner dialogue shut down, quiet in his presence. He didn't like being spoken over, and the sound of his voice, his actual voice, not some watered down memory of it, commanded all of my attention.

"Oh it aint that sweetheart, she likes me just fine" he drawled out, his eyes mean and his voice like gravel stuck in syrup "she's always rubbing up on me, wanting me to make her purr"

He took a step towards me and i flinched, averting my eyes so he couldn't see me falter. I felt totally paralyzed with fear now that he had come closer, like i could actually feel his intention on grabbing me like a heat on my skin.

"But yer right, she aint like a dog. She don't listen fer shit an she ran off. Probably don't know how to find her way home so im lookin fer her"

Martin laughed and tried to diffuse the tension.

"Cal can you show him where the other cats all live? Maybe she wandered down there. Ive got to go finish watering"

"I - "

"Thanks" he said, reaching out to shake Mac's hand "i hope you find her man, you should stick around for a while, were having a bonfire tonight and the other trimmers will be back soon, maybe they've seen her"

" 'ppreciate it" Mac said, smiling with only half his mouth, his eyes still locked on me "maybe ill do just that"

He nodded and took off towards the back of the garden, away from us and towards the irrigation shed. I could hardly breath, as if Mac's presence had stolen all the atmosphere from around me. Somehow he seemed bigger now that it was just the two of us, but i could tell he was still slouching, not stretched into his full height. I couldn't move. I couldn't do anything but watch him smirk at me.

"So" he began, taking the last step necessary to close the distance between us "this is where ya got off to"

XxXxXxXx

"What are you doing here?" I whispered as he reached out to ghost his fingertips over my arm. The contact was like a whisper. He was seeing if i was going to bolt, i realized, treating me like a skittish animal. I wanted to scream but i didn't have the breath. It was like there were bricks on my chest. I was helpless as he touched me.

"I'm lookin fer you" he whispered back, saying it like it was obvious

I whimpered as his fingers moved north, tracing my collarbone and finding the sharpest point of my jaw, tilting it up to appraise my neck. I needed to move, I couldn't let him claim me like this.

"Yer coming home with me" he said lowly and i started to shake my head. He smirked again and suddenly grabbed my chin tight in his hand, moving my head up and down in a nodding motion as i finally gave into my fear and started to cry softly.

"No" i croaked out, gripping his hand in mine "I'm not"

He got angry then, moving even closer so that i was surrounded, overwhelmed by him. I could feel his chest against mine and i could smell the grease and smoke on him, the whiskey and the sunlight. My eyes shut on impulse and i tried to turn my face away.

The smell of the cigarettes on his clothes was making my head hurt. I could easily recall the way it had felt when he burned me with the tip a one, right below my waistline where he knew no one else would see. The scar started to get hot now as i remembered screaming and bucking beneath him, his shoulder braced against my chest while he held it to me. The sear of him extinguishing the cherry win my skin jolted me back to my senses.

"I'll scream" i told him now

He exhaled through his nose, calming himself and letting go of my chin. He looked past me for a moment, seeming to consider something and then deciding and dropping his eyes back to me. He wrapped both arms around me and pulled me close to him. It was worse. Being hugged by him only reminded me of the strength that lay dormant in his arms and the smell of the cigarettes was suffocating me. He squeezed harder, breathing me in as he did and i gasped.

The memories were rushing back too quick for me to stomach them. Him in front of me, his dick pressed up into my stomach, hard like a pipe but soft on my skin when the head of it slid against me. It was heavy and hot in my hand when I held it, the way a gun felt after you fired it. His whole body was like that, firm and imposing. Immovable.

"I'm not going back" i said suddenly

He backed off me then, smiling as he did. He was having fun with this.

"We'll see" he replied

We stood there for a moment, each of us trying to stare the other down, when i heard someone else calling my name.

"Calli ?" It was Lucy, one of the other trimmers, thank fucking god, and i smirked at Mac and shoved past him to go and greet her. I heard the growl he produced from his chest but i ignored it. He couldn't hurt me here, not in front of people, not the way he wanted to. I was safe for now.

"Lucy!" I called back, waving my arm above my head

She bounded towards us, her hair piled high on her head. When she saw Mac she slowed down, smiling still but confused.

"Who's this?"

I turned back to him. His jaw was pulsing like a heartbeat in his cheek as he clenched and unclenched it. He was pissed. Good.

"What did you say your name was again?" I asked him

He cleared his throat and uncrossed his arms, stepping past me to take Lucy's hand in his and bringing it up to his mouth to kiss it. I balked but something in my chest twisted and lurched. What the hell?

"Mac" he said, grinning down at her

"I'm Lucy" she beamed at him

My eyes rolled involuntarily at his back.

"Yeah well, I've got to go so maybe you can help him find his cat" i said over his broad shoulder towards her, retreating slowly as i did.

"You lost you cat?" She asked him, having completely forgotten about me as she absorbed the sight of him "that's awful"

"Yeah. Martin said somethin 'bout a barn, maybe you could show me where it is"

I didn't stay to hear the rest. I turned and walked as quick as i could back to the tent, pausing outside of it and wondering what to do next. I could hear Lucy laughing and i glanced back to see Mac tickling her side as they walked off together. What?

My body was revolting against me. The acid in my stomach curdled and threatened to climb up my throat. Why was he flirting with her? And why, more importantly, did i care?

Frustrated, i sank my fingers into the roots of my hair and pulled, trying to distract myself with the pain so i could clear my thoughts of him. It didn't work though, not when i could hear Lucy laughing like an idiot behind me as they made their way over to the barn.

I pulled harder at my scalp, bending my neck forward with the force of it.

The memory of him was gaining on me so I yanked as hard as i could, waiting for the white light that accompanied the pain to blind me. It wasn't working. The image was materializing behind my eyes and i powerless to stop it.

"Do you like that?"

"Mac-"

"Answer me!" His voice was like a hiss right in my ear.

I was back in his room, my face pressed against the wall and his weight bearing into from behind. He had my arms twisted up behind my back, and now he was breathing hard onto my neck, inching my wrists up towards towards my shoulder blades.

"Say it"

I had winced, sucking my breath in through gritted teeth but staying silent.

"What? You need more?" He asked. The way he said it let me know it was smiling "i kin give ya more darling"

He jerked hard, wrenching the bones in their sockets, and i screamed, my body trying to bend forward at the waist as the sound rushed out of me.

"There we go" he murmured, licking the skin behind my ear . I could feel him pressing his hips forward to ride my body as it bucked "open that priddy little mouth a yers an let me hear it"

The pain was radiating through my upper body as he held me. My feet were bare. I could feel the grit of the desert beneath my toes as i scrambled to take the pressure off my shoulders. I found my breath, panting through the pain, and i listened to him chuckle. The wall was hard against my cheek and his hands were like shackles on my wrists. He lifted me higher by my arms i felt my shoulder about to pull loose.

"I like it !" I told him frantically "i like it, i like it"

He lowered me slightly, letting my feet flatten against the floor again but keeping me still. The pain had retreated while still staying present. The partial relief was like ecstasy.

I could feel his dick, pulsating as he moved it up and and down against my pussy lips, wetting the tip and letting me feel him there without going inside.

"Ask me nicely" he growled, jerking hard on my hands again so that i yelped

"Please fuck me" i whimpered, moving my ass back into him and grinding "please, please fuck me"

He inched his hips forward and I gasped. It felt like warm, white light, this pleasure after such intense pain. I moved backwards as much as i could, trying to sink down on his dick, but he only laughed and pressed me forward again.

"Ah ah ah" he scolded me "greedy little slut"

"Please Mac" i was begging him now

"Tell me you need it"

"I need it! I responded immediately, the strange heat between my legs becoming unbearable, almost more uncomfortable than the pain had been "i need it, please fuck me"

He waited a moment longer, listening to me groan and feeling me writhe against him.

"Tell me yer mine"

"I'm yours, I'm yours, please"

He stepped forward, arching his hips so that he could push the rest of the way into me. I moaned into the plaster of the wall, relaxing my body as he ground himself against me. Now that he was buried all the way in he moved his hips from side to side, sending spasms through my legs and ass and laughing when i moaned again at the sensation. My entire body felt like a rubber band being stretched.

He waited a moment, letting me adjust, and then pulled out fully so he could slam back into me. I yelped, the jolt of it reminding me of how my arms were bent, but he ignored it, finding the pace he liked and continuing to pound me into the wall.

"No one else could fuck you like this" he grunted in my ear, his breath hot and wet against my tingling skin. I could hear the sound of my bones connecting with the wall as he jutted me forward but it didn't hurt, at least not yet, "tell me I'm the only one"

"Just you" i panted "just you, Mac - holy fuck - "

I couldn't do anything to meet his thrusts the way he held me, and when he started moving faster there was no way to brace myself for it. I couldn't feel the ground anymore. I couldn't feel anything except his body pressed against me and his dick getting impossibly harder inside me. I couldn't breathe but i didn't care. He let go of my hands and grabbed my hair and throat, squeezing both and pulling my tighter against him.

I couldn't breathe

I couldn't breathe

I couldn't -

My eyes shot open and i saw my tent in front of me. I was panting, and i could feel that i had started to sweat through my shirt. Shaking my head did nothing to clear it. I hadn't thought about that night in a long time. Or about how i had woken up on the floor, my throat sore and my body aching. I hadn't thought about how I had found him in the living room, his eyes on the flickering image of the tv and a beer bottle in his hand.

'What happened?' I had asked, trying to be heard over the television. Speaking hurt, and my hand was at my throat trying to rub the pain away.

'You passed out' he said casually, bored even. He didn't bother to take his eyes off the tv to look at me while he spoke; Instead he cleared his throat and leaned forward on his knees, engrossed in the screen and holding the bottle out to me 'Get me another one'

I groaned and unzipped my tent, climbing inside and peeling my shirt off. For the first time in forever i felt like using. I wanted to feel anyway except how i felt right now. I imagined the needle and the powder and carefully tapping it into a spoon. Dropping the water in and heating it with a lighter beneath it until it started to bubble and cook.

I pictured the way my blood looked when it tainted the golden heroin in the chamber of the needle , the excitement I had felt knowing I'd found a vein.

I wanted to scream but i knew it wouldn't help. That and what was left of my pride didn't want him to know the effect he was having on me. I smoothed my hand over my stomach and shut my eyes, trying the breathing exercise again and seeing only small packages of heroin secured in a bundle with a thin rubber band.

'Dammit' i said out loud to no one 'god fucking dammit'


	2. Chapter 2

**Okay, chapter 2. Sorry it isn't as long, but i hope it gets your heart going. It was fun writing it :) thank you for leaving me a review! It was an awesome feeling to know someone else enjoys this madness. I love reading your stories, so it was cool to hear you liked mine too.**

 **I guess we'll see where this story goes, i dont have any plans on how many chapters it'll be yet**

Mac let Calli wander off without pursuing her.

He knew she thought she was safe here, in front of these strangers, and the thought made him smile. She was wrong of course, but since it was working to his advantage, he let her go right on thinking it. The truth was she wasn't safe, not anywhere, not from him at least. He still wanted her, and he intended to get what he wanted.

It wasn't that he didn't wrestle with it in his mind. He knew this was a lot of work for just one girl, but he hadn't been able to talk himself out of coming here. He had tried numerous distractions and nothing worked. Every time he resolved to just fuck somebody else and get over it, he was roadblocked by the thought of her.

The way she sounded underneath him when he drilled into her, her sighs and her moans. The way she obeyed him, usually at least, with just enough left over stubbornness and sass to make his hand itchy. He loved smacking her on the ass and watching her flesh jump. He put her over his knee a lot actually, the way her hips would bounce up on down on his dick as she struggled felt incredible, never mind the mouth watering tint her skin developed after a couple of well placed slaps.

He shut the memories down when his dick started to stiffen. He needed to focus. He heard this new girl talking to the left of him. He wondered if she had been talking for long.

"Huh?"

"Your cat" the girl, Lilly?, Lucy?, it hardly mattered, repeated "what does your cat look like?"

"Oh, she uh" Mac stalled, trying to conjure up the image of a cat in his mind. All he saw was Calli though. Calli in front of him, after all this time, her eyes still wide with the fear he'd carefully instilled in her. "she's got got brown hair and green eyes" he was biting at his thumb nail as he talked, trying to distract himself.

"Sounds pretty" the girl said

Mac murmured his agreement, still gnawing on his nail and shoved the other hand deep into his pocket so she couldn't keep brushing her hand against it. 'I get it girl, you're interested' he thought to himself 'Imma be nice and let you have it too, dont worry'

He planned on using her to make Calli jealous. He knew she'd probably end up getting hurt but he didn't care. If anything, the thought of hurting her enticed him. This bitch was hitting on every last nerve with the way she acted, and Mac knew his patience could only go so far. If she didn't stop touching him -

"all the cats I've seen here live in this barn" the girl said, her voice friendly but too high. He shook off the impulse to smack her. He had to resist, just for a little bit longer.

He pretended to look with her, standing by her side as she spoke, but her voice was becoming distant as his mind drifted.

Calli.

He thought about the way she would act sometimes when he took her out in public, egging him on just to get him to man-handle her. She would lean on the bar and touch his dickhead brother Devon flirtatiously when he served her whiskey, making Mac's heart hammer in anger and his dick harden all at the same time.

She knew he was watching, so he knew she did it on purpose. He'd let her flirt, then hawk-eye her as she walked off Into the crowd, waiting until he could corner her before he made his move and grabbed her.

Once he had his hands on her he could usually make her apologize, but there had been one night when she had been bold enough to provoke him. He savored that memory. That was the night she had smiled up at him when he tried to bully her, suggesting he take her outside and make sure she understood who was in charge here.

He'd been happy to. He'd dragged her behind him by the crook of her elbow, making a scene so that everybody would see. He walked slow, letting her struggle because he knew that was part of it for her. She liked the fight, just like him. He could only now, in her absence, appreciate her for it.

He had lead her to his truck, slamming her hard into the side of it so that the breath rushed out of her. Then, while she recovered, he opened up the door and threw her into it face down, kicking her legs apart so he could fit himself between them. He had laughed out loud when she tried to crawl away, catching her ankle and dragging her back to him.

"Not so fast sweetheart" he'd grunted, "thought you wanted me to teach you a lesson, c'mere"

She didn't scream for help so he knew she didn't actually want him to stop. There was no frantic pleading or tears, nothing to make his dick wilt or his head ache. She could have said 'sorry' when he had scolded her but she hadn't. She wanted his fury, and he was more than happy to unleash it on her.

"Don't have time to spank ya or make ya beg" he'd told her, using one hand to hold her bent over the seat while the other was busy undoing his belt "that'll hafta wait 'till i kin get ya home"

She was still trying to scramble away from him. Her fingers were locked around the seatbelt and she was trying to pull herself forward. For a moment he let her, enjoying the sight of her ass bouncing up and down in front of him, before slapping her hard across her backside and making her freeze.

"knock it off" he growled down at her, He held his palm against the skin where he'd hit her, feeling the warmth spreading there. Then he hit her again, on the other side, just to hear the way she yelped one more time . When he started to rub, inching her shirt up over her hips as he did, she began to moan. He smiled smugly to himself as she arched her back up against him, savoring the sting his hand had created.

"Ain't gunna gag ya either" he spat, leaning over her to whisper harshly in her ear. He shoved her underwear off to the side and lined himself up "so try an keep it down 'less you want an audience"

He was bluffing of course, there was no way he'd let anyone see her, but she did her best to keep her mouth shut just the same. Good girl. He had proceeded to fuck her hard into the seat, bashing her hips against the door frame and making her whimper.

"You like being punished dont cha you little slut?" He had taunted, feeling her melt beneath him "is that why you act that way? Hoping ill get mad an hurt ya?"

"Mmm"

He couldn't tell if she was moaning or trying to say his name. Either one was fine really.

"You guna be a good little girl and do what i say?" He asked, slamming into her with each word for emphasis. He doubted she could get the breath to answer even if she wanted to, but he paused anyway, wanting to hear her try.

She wasn't answering him though, and his temper was building with his orgasm. He reached around her and caught her nipple between his fingers, twisting it until she gasped.

"Ill be good" she said breathlessly, he could hear the need in her voice and it made him harder "oh fuck, ill be good, ill do whatever you say, just don't stop"

"Aint guna stop" he grunted , trailing his fingers down the front of her until he reached her clit "guna make sure everyone kin hear you"

Mac smiled when he remembered the face she had made when he told her to go back into the bar afterwards. Her jaw about hit the ground and she stepped back when he reached for her, something she knew never to do.

"I cant go back in there" she had laughed "no way"

"You'll do what i fucking tell ya to" He had snapped back at her, grabbing her before she could fully retreat. He dragged her towards him, making her stand on the tips of her toes "i wanna feel ya squirming on my lap in front of 'em, knowin what i just did to ya, now cmon"

He had been rowdy that night, barely able to keep his hand from between her legs while she tried to act normal and avoid eye contact with everyone. She was shifting around uncomfortably on his lap and making his dick jump, complaining her ass was sore and could they please just leave now. Her embarrassment was only making her body warmer though, and the feeling of heat radiating from between her legs had been almost impossible to resist.

Walter had ended up throwing him out. More for Calli's sake than because Mac was being an actual bother to him. Mac didn't care though, he'd already done what he set out to do, and he had booze at home he could drink. He had only insisted she go back in because he'd wanted to humiliate her; the kinky little bitch got off on it. He didn't care why either, wasn't concerned with the how or why, or blah, blah, blah. None of that introspective shit interested him. He just did it because he'd noticed she liked it. And if she liked it, then he liked doing it to her, plain and simple. He'd do anything for her.

"Within reason" a deep, sturdy voice reassured him. After all, he still wasn't willing to let her go.

He had struggled with how he felt about her, having been made to confront it all at once when she vanished. At first he thought he would lose his mind. There were so many feelings, all of them bad, and there was no one to take it out on. Gradually though, he'd allowed his thoughts to expand, exploring them cautiously as they unfolded within him.

He couldn't bring himself to use the word love. He knew It wasn't meant for him, that it had never been something he could be included with. His childhood had removed that possibility long before he met her. He had been raised by wolves, all sharp teeth and snarls. Wolves didn't love. At best there was loyalty, maybe affection if you were lucky, but never love. Love made you weak. Love got you nothing. He couldn't love. That part of him had been destroyed.

He tried again, knowing it was something almost like love, or something similar at least. Maybe it was something that had started as love but had been distorted into something darker once it touched him. Or maybe it was the way a body limped after certain infections. Some things didn't get repaired, some things you just had to live with.

It hurt to try and corner it in his mind, how he felt about her, how much she really meant to him. After he a whie he gave up trying to name it, choosing instead to just let it exist within him.

All he was really able to accept was that he wanted to protect her. No, it was more than that, he _needed_ her to be safe. It wasn't entirely his fault, his lack of faith in her ability to take care of herself, the girl had a knack for trusting the wrong people. Case in point, him. At least in his hometown everyone knew not to fuck with her because she was his. Anywhere else she was vulnerable. She was pretty and she liked to be dominated, basically perfect in his mind, and he was constantly worried about her. The thought of her being left unsupervised in a world that created monsters like him was agonizing.

After she had been gone for a while, the shock had worn off, and he made a little more progress sorting through it all. He was still worthless without her though, she was all he thought about and he couldn't get anything done.

Besides hating the feeling of not being able to keep an eye on her, he found that he actually missed her, in his own demented way. No one else's neck fit in his hands the way hers did. No other girl could endure him like Calli had. She practically vibrated when he touched her, and her reaction to him had always made him feel heady. It was addicting, the way she wanted him.

He remembered the feeling of awful surprise when he had woken up and been unable to find her. He had never felt terror like that, at least not that he could remember. His father had scared him his whole life, sure, but this was a new kind of fear. What if something had happened to her?

The thought of being without her, a sudden world without her in it, made his heart hurt. Somehow, the muscle physically ached, and no matter how he massaged his chest his couldn't ease it.

Naturally, he had thought someone had done something to her.

He had plenty of enemies, people who could be seeking retribution for things he'd done, people who would want to destroy whatever was important to him. He assumed someone took her, or stopped her from coming home after work. He could imagine Devon doing it maybe, but Walter would never have had allowed it. He loved Calli, and had always defended her, against both of his boys.

It had to be someone else then. But who would be brave enough to fuck with his prized possession?

He'd made a fool of himself trying to intimidate people, attempting to beat information out of people who had no idea what he was talking about.

It was only later, after he had discovered the missing cash, that he realized what had happened. All the tiny 'clicks' in his mind as he put the pieces together might as well have been doors slamming shut for all the good it did him.

She had just left, like some kind of thief in the night. Hell, she _was_ a thief in the night, helping herself to hundreds of dollars he had stashed beneath the floor boards when she split, something he still wasn't sure how he'd handle when he found her.

Besides stealing from him, she had snuck off behind his back, as though he meant nothing to her. It was a betrayal, something he never would have expected from her, and it hurt like hell.

Mac wasn't used to hurt, not from someone like Calli at least. It wasn't that he hadn't been hurt before; he'd been hurt plenty, and repeatedly. Just never like this, never the kind of hurt you couldn't see a bruise for.

Realizing that she had left, instead of being stolen, had made him sick to his stomach. How could she not want to be with him? Didn't she feel that intense magnetism? That pulse between her legs when he reached for her? He knew that she wanted him, that she liked what he did to her, so why did she run?

To make matters worse he had no way to cope with the pain. Whiskey and meth didn't work. It was an untouchable, horrible new territory. It was all mental but still carried the symptoms of broken bones. He ached and he couldn't sleep, he was restless and uncomfortable.

He was sad, he realized.

It wasn't that unusual, that wasn't why it was so hard to deal with it. His whole life had been marred by abuse and unhappiness, but at least before he hadn't had to compare it to. There was no light to strive for instead of the darkness, only the darkness. In order to survive he had learned to live that way, adapting like any creature would.

If there was only pain and misery then all he had to do was become numb. If you couldn't feel anything then you couldn't get hurt. It was easy. It had saved him.

But now, in the throws of this strange misery, he realized she had changed something in him.

Now that she was gone, he was starting to see he'd been something closer to happy when she'd been around, and without her he felt that void returning. He couldn't go back to living that way, he woudn't.

There was no way he would live in the dark after having experienced the warmth of the light, no matter how partial. Even if he couldn't love her, he could still feel her there, in that place where love would exist if only it could survive in him.

Then, almost mercifully, after the confusion and the pain had come anger. It was an emotion he was well acquainted with, and it was something he finally knew how to handle. He leaned into it, letting it consume him. His ego insisted that he had to find her, if only to teach her the lesson that she couldn't possibly get away from him. He was stronger than her and he was more determined; she coudn't out smart him, she'd been a fool to even try. He'd find her just to prove that he could, then he'd figure out how to deal with her.

His rage focused him, calming him down and letting him calculate just how he would get her back. He kept himself sane by planning and gathering information, he devoted himself to it. She couldn't get away from him, hadn't he taught her that by now? She belonged to him, she wasn't allowed to just leave.

He'd get her back.

He had to.


	3. Chapter 3

**Hey** **! I hope you enjoy reading this as much as I've enjoyed writing it! It's not over, dont panic, but i wanted to say thank you to everyone who's taken the time to look at it. Especially you Krissy! Your reviews make me feel amazing, like im not a total freak and i have people! Writing this has been a really unexpected thrill ride. Mac is in my head now, and he's welcome to stay forever. I hope he does.**

 **im sorry for the minor typos that you'll undoubtedly find. I swear i proof read, and i do it more than once, but this ancient keyboard sticks in certain letters and sometimes my brain leaves out words when im really in the thick of it (anyone else have that problem?) i see typos in other stories and think 'oh, they meant this, whatever' and i see them im mine and think "WHAT IS THIS BLASPHEMY"**

 **anyway, i could review it until i died and im sure id still find errors. I dont want to keep it from you any longer! It's so much fun to write, i just want to keep going. Mmm.**

 **okay. Thank you again, it means a lot to me to have found this place.**

 **: )**

I woke up confused. It was dark and i was too hot, my body slick with sweat and my head aching. I sat up, realizing i was in my tent, and then gasped when the events of the afternoon came flooding back to me.

Mac was here.

Mac had found me.

I panicked out of habit, my heart rate spiking and my limbs shooting out around me as i scrambled to get to my knees. I reacted on sheer impulse and started grabbing for things, packing furiously and forgetting that it was night, that I couldn't possibly leave right now.

My brain struggled to process what had happened. It didn't make sense to go door to door looking for a lost cat in Northern California. The landscape was vast and the houses out here were far and in between. Why had Martin bought that bullshit? And had Mac really driven all that distance thinking he could find me on a whim? There had to be more to this. Someone I had trusted must have talked.

Slowly, the panic left me. I felt exhausted again, like i should just lay back down. I needed water, so i began rooting around in the dark for my canteen.

I found it near the bottom of my make shift bed, sighing when i lifted it and discovered it was nearly empty. I drank the last swallow but it only served to make me thirstier. Terrific.

'Fuck him' i thought to myself, pulling on a baggy hoodie and crawling out into the cooling night air 'I'm not going to hide in here because of him'

As soon as i was out of the tent i remembered the bonfire everyone had planned for tonight. I could see the glow of it from the front yard and hear everyone's voices carrying on the wind. I sighed and looked around. I was the only tent set up out here and so i was alone. Everyone else slept in the house or in the fifth wheel in the back yard, but I had needed the space.

The real truth was that i didn't want to wake anyone up in the middle of the night if i had a violent nightmare. I got them a lot, and they were all about him.

They had started the night I'd left, and they hadn't abated in all the months I'd been gone. I told myself it would get better, that i would forget him eventually, but they were like the stress dreams you have when you're in school. They were constantly escalating.

It felt like i had a test coming up but i had forgotten to go to class all year. It was almost as if my body knew he wasn't around anymore and it was panicking, insisting to my head that something was wrong, something crucial was missing. I figured it tugged at my subconscious because when i was awake i did my best to ignore it. When i was sleeping though i couldn't fend it off.

Typical. My body would betray me like that, choosing him over me, it never had been a team player. It was classic, really. He had always been able to get me to do what he wanted even after i'd insisted I wasn't into it. Even if my head was wary of him, he had always been able to convince my body. Of course he would be able to control it even after i put hundreds of miles between us, he course he would.

I walked towards the house, steeling myself against the threat of seeing him. I reminded myself that i was safe here, that i was among friends; and then, when doubt began to creep in, i reminded myself that i had gotten away from him before. I could do it again if i needed to.

As if on cue, laughter erupted while i approached the fire, making me feel mocked. When i got close enough i could see everyone around it, maybe ten people in all, sitting on fallen logs or standing with all their weight on one hip. I scanned the crowd quick, searching for his face, and when i didn't see it i tried to ignore the feeling of disappointment that followed. I looked again, checking for Lucy, but didn't see her either. The disappointed i had refused to acknowledge expanded in my chest, morphing into a weird kind of dread.

"Hey! Calli! You're awake"

"Hey Martin, yeah, i didn't mean to fall asleep" i admitted "where's Lucy?"

He put his arm around me and hugged my shoulders tight to him. I could smell the beer on him but it didn't bother me. I liked Martin. He was a nice guy.

"Oh, she's with that guy looking for his pussycat" he laughed, motioning towards the house "guess he found himself a new one huh?"

He giggled at his own joke but my heart sank. I continued to avoid it; I didn't want to think about why the news made me feel uncomfortable. I felt tears forming and i laughed at how absurd it was. Luckily, Martin thought it was at his joke so he didn't question it.

"Hey want me to get you a seltz?"

"Sure, thanks"

Martin didn't know about the baby. Nobody did, not even my sister back in Utah. He had simply noticed i never drank and didn't question it. I focused on thinking about Martin instead of asking myself where Mac and Lucy were.

The wind blew, letting me smell the smoke from the bonfire as it washed over me. Then, without permission, my mind began to wander.

It had been a bonfire, much like the one i was staring at now, where I'd seen him for the first time. I had been following my friend Anne into a crowd of people and he had whistled when i walked by him.

I had turned, ready to tell who ever had done to fuck off, but found myself unable to speak when i saw him. He was hot, his hair hidden beneath a ball cap and his jaw clenched in a half smile. It was devastating, the way his hooded eyes smoldered at me.

He had broad shoulders and huge arms. He himself was large enough that even the way he was curling forward couldn't disguise how well built he was, he looked sturdy. I found myself randomly wondering what it would take to knock a man like that over. A running start maybe?

He watched me become momentarily hypnotized by him, smiling as his eyes scanned me up and down. I felt something in the universe shift to make room for this moment, stretching out to accommodate us no matter how long it lasted.

"I like your dress" he had said, his voice impossibly soft compared to the sight of him, "go on an gimme a spin"

He had made a twirling motion with one finger.

I think i surprised us both when i actually did it, twisting on one foot and feeling the short dress i wore fan out around my hips.

"Oh, you listen good" he had smirked, jumping down off the tailgate and coming towards me "i _**like**_ that"

I was still frozen, still smiling like an idiot at him, when i heard his friends snickering behind him. I saw them from over his massive shoulder, pointing at me and leaning sideways to mumble to each other.

Instantly embarrassed, i had tried to retreat, turning my head to look for Anne and taking a step back.

But he had laughed, breaking the tension easily, and reached forward to catch my hips in his hands "don't you go no where girl" he said, squaring me in front of him "i aint even give ya a reason to run yet"

"I, I have to find my friend" i had breathed up at him. My voice had sounded faint and unconvincing, even to me.

"Ill be your friend" he had smirked back down at me, "c'mon, help me finish this bottle"

He'd held my wrist, not my hand, when he'd pulled me towards him.

"Calli!"

Snapping back to the present day, i realized Martin was standing beside me again, a can of seltzer in his hand.

"Where'd ya go girl?"

I shrugged, smiling as i took the can from him, popping the top and bringing the fizzy drink up to my lips.

"I was traveling" i told him, moving one hand through the air to demonstrate my whimsy.

He looked at me funny and then started laughing.

"You're a strange one Calliope"

I opened my mouth to respond but quickly forgot what i was going to say when i heard Lucy laughing from the front porch of the house. Mac had his arm around her shoulders. He had her neck locked in the crook of his elbow so he could drag her cheek towards his mouth, either biting or licking her, something to make her squeal. When i looked over though i knew he was doing it on purpose, he had his eyes locked on me to make sure i was watching.

The realization made me feel better. He wanted a reaction from me, and i was ready to give him one. I dropped my eyes, trying to act as if i hadn't seen or didn't care, and turned my attention back to Martin.

"Hey can i have a hug?" I asked on impulse "my back is locked up and I'm hoping you can pop it"

"Sure" he responded, thinking nothing of it "c'mere"

He set his drink down and opened his arms up, wrapping them around my waist and lifting me off the ground. I squeaked and laughed as he spun us, clutching my seltzer so i didn't lose it as he stumbled on the uneven ground.

He was giggling as hard as i was when he set me down, both of us putting our arms out to our sides as we tried to find our feet beneath us.

"Thanks" i said glancing back towards the porch.

Mac and Lucy weren't there anymore, and i was trying to casually scan the crowd for either of their faces when i heard the unmistakable sound of him clearing his throat behind me. I had heard it so many times before, but it still gave me the shivers.

I turned slow, suddenly afraid to face him.

"Looooooooou seeeee" i heard Martin giggling from the side of me as he bent to retrieve his beer "where you been girl?"

"I've been helping Mac look for his cat"

"Oh, right, sure"

"No listen" she began, but her voice was already drifting away.

Mac's gaze drew me in like a tractor beam

I could still hear Martin and Lucy talking but their voices sounded muffled and far off. I was too busy looking up at Mac to concentrate on their words, too busy focusing on my knees not giving out beneath me while he stared me down.

I knew instantly, once i saw his face, that i had overstepped whatever boundaries he had set for me in his mind. He was pissed, infuriated even, that I'd let another man touch me.

It also suddenly dawned on me just how naive I'd been thinking i was safe here because i was around other people. The only reason he hadn't put his hands on me yet was because he was controlling himself. Half of my brain wondered what he was up to. The other half was backtracking and wondering why i had provoked him though, so I couldn't think straight.

He didn't say anything, just kept his eyes on me while he tilted the bottom of bottle he had up towards the sky. He took a long pull off it and swallowed before wiping his mouth with the back of his wrist and holding the bottle out, offering it to me as though we were friends. His eyes told me i was fucked though, I knew that look all too well. He might as well have been offering me my last meal.

"Oh, Calli doesn't drink" Lucy interjected, obviously upset Mac wasn't paying attention to her stupid story "give it here"

"Since when?" he asked me lowly as she stole the bottle from him, our eyes locked and everyone around us miles away

"Since always" Lucy replied not realizing he wasn't talking to her "she doesn't like to party"

I looked at her, confused as to why she was suddenly acting so indifferent about me, and then dropped my eyes so I wouldn't have to look at Mac as he put the pieces together in his mind. The silence went on for too long, and i knew that he knew when he spoke again. I could tell by the way he was talking to me that gig was up.

"Calli, is it?" I heard him asking me, his voice taking on a hard, mean edge "like the state?"

God dammit. He knew what it was short for, he was just teasing me now. It was the exact same question he'd asked me the night we met. He was forcing me to remember, as if I hadnt already, as if he weren't the only fucking thing i could think about.

"It's short for calliope" i whispered

"Huh?" He barked, "speak up girl I couldn't hear you"

I looked up at him, which was what he wanted, and felt the tears from earlier burning in my eyes again. He smirked at me.

"Her names calliope" Martin offered, making a fancy hand gesture and bowing slightly as though he were introducing me "like the muse"

"Huh" Mac grunted, affirming that he understood but wasn't interesting in Martin elaborating, "an how come you sleep outside like a goddamn dog girl?"

"Whoa" Martin snickered from the side of me "easy dude"

"No, its fine" i snapped, my strength suddenly renewed now that Mac was being a dick "i sleep outside because i don't like walls"

"You don't like walls" he snorted, "you don't like walls or you don't like locks sweetheart?"

I looked at him in disbelief but he just raised his eyebrows, daring me to get into it with him.

"Either, asshole"

He had smiled at me then, a full blown smile that raced up to his eyes and made his whole face change. It was rare, for him to smile like that, and it suddenly dawned on me just how much he was enjoying this. Of course he was, the fucker was probably delighted to have found a new and exciting way to torture me.

"Yeah" he snickered, taking the bottle back from Lucy and gulping from it, "you sound like a bitch who's been in prison alright"

My world shifted and stuttered, splitting into two equal parts. I was surrounded by people but i was also all alone in his house. I was speechless in front of him but i could hear myself screaming in my head.

The sound my palms had made slapping against the solid wood door echoed loudly in my ears. Again and again i called for him.

"MAC! Mac let me out of here!"

Silence. Darkness. The doorknob stuck fast in my hand. He had locked it from the outside and left me. It would be hours before he'd come home and let me out.

"Something like that" i heard the present day version of myself say to him to now "something like prison"

The moment turned awkward now that I'd lost whatever steam i thought i had. He had taken the wind right out of my sails. He had done it easily too, all he had to do was encourage me to remember and my own head would do the work for him. Lucy started leaning on Mac and giggling in his ear to disperse the weird silence, but he stared at me while she murmured to him, nodding that he was listening but not breaking eye contact.

I was a bird that he'd caught in his mouth and he was a tomcat who'd clipped my wing off neatly at the socket, his dedication to a clean cut almost like a surgeons. I wouldn't bleed to death but i was incapable of getting away; I was doomed. He was circling me slowly, his nearly defeated prey, his prize. It was only a matter of him deciding to finish it now. He would win. He always did.

"I'm going to bed" i said suddenly, not planning on saying it but feeling relief once i did "goodnight guys"

"Cal!" Martin called after me "Cal don't go! You just got here"

I put my hand up in a wave but didn't turn around. I could hear Lucy excusing my departure as inevitable, and i wondered if she had ever actually been my friend.

It didn't matter. I wouldn't know her for much longer. If Mac knew about the baby then this whole charade was over. I had already lost, it was just a matter of him coming to collect me now.

I might as well go and pack the rest of my things, maybe he'd even let me keep them if i was ready to go when he came for me.

XxXxXxX

It took all of Macs strength to let Calli walk away the second time. He felt the girl next to him squeeze his hand, and he struggled not to hit her. He wanted to shove her away from him and go after his girl, his real girl, but he resisted. He had schemes after all, and this information didn't change them, not really anyway.

Instead of getting upset, he promised himself that he could hurt this other girl later, making plans in his head to shove his dick so far down her throat that she gagged. He breathed through he nose while he pictured the way she would struggle, he'd let her scratch at his thighs, enjoying the slight hiss of pain, before pinching her nose shut and letting her choke on him. Besides liking the way it would feel, the way her throat would contract and spasm around his dick, he wanted to punish her, wanted to inflict pain on her. He didn't need her touching him at a time like this. He knew what this was about now, and all he wanted was to go after Calli.

She was pregnant.

The thought sent a strange thrill through him. He felt happy, or maybe it was more like excitement. Whatever it was, it was good, he felt better than he had in months.

She belonged to him more now than she'd ever had before. He occupied her, had a piece of him living inside her. It was the ultimate rush, knowing that she was carrying his child. The infant had hijacked her body, taking control of her in ways that even he couldn't, and it was his, it was because of him.

He felt immense relief at knowing why she had left, even if he was still pissed at her for doing it. It hadn't been because of him that she'd left, it had been because of the baby. His mind faltered a bit when he realized that, in a way, it had been his fault, but he didn't dwell on the negative thought for long. He knew he was hard on her, and he didn't blame her for thinking he wouldn't want it. She probably thought he'd insist she get rid of it, or even do something to her to make her lose it.

Truth was though, he was intoxicated by the thought of her keeping it. He pictured her heavy, weighed down by his child and vulnerable. He liked when she needed him, when she had to rely on him to take care of her.

It was still his decision of course. After all, she belonged to him and he knew what was best for her. But this way he was truly a part of her now. She would never be able to escape him again, the baby made sure of that.

Even if she could, by some miracle, evade him a second time, the child would be a constant reminder of her fate. She was his destiny, always had been, and it was a truth so complete that it had the ability to spontaneously reproduce.

Pregnant. Something he had told her she would never be. It had come up before obviously, in a fight when a girl he had fucked called to tell him he would be a father. Or rather, she called to tell Calli, and she had be the one to deliver the news.

"Impossible" he had barked back at her when she came to him with the accusation, "i wore a condom when i fucked Crystal, im not an idiot"

"well maybe it broke Mac, either way, she says its yours"

Her posture was beginning to irritate him. The way she had her feet shoulder width apart was making his head tick uncontrollably. It was like an attack stance, he realized, and he felt his hands starting to tighten into a familiar shape. He tried to relax them but he couldn't.

"What are you going to do?" She'd asked him, arms crossed, cell phone still clutched tightly in one hand.

He hadn't liked the way she was speaking to him either. Who did she think she was talking to? Did she really think he was just going to let her yell at him like that? The girl was lucky he wasn't sending her to the ground. He went towards her, bumping his chest against hers and knocking her back. He grabbed her wrist when she flailed for balance, and he squeezed the frail bones hard in his fist until she dropped the phone.

He held her back when she bent to retrieve it, then slammed his heel down on it twice before kicking the ruined device off to the side.

He had snorted at her and shrugged his shoulders.

"Aint guna do nuthin, bitch is faking it"

"You are such an asshole" she spat at him then, her eyes getting that watery, shimmering look like she was about to cry. He liked making her cry sometimes, it made her eyes all the greener. She was furious now though too, and her whole body was shaking with anger. He couldn't enjoy it if she thought she had the right to be mad at him.

"Maybe" he had seethed right back at her, pushing her back by her shoulders towards the hallway "maybe i am. But you're guna hafta be an indoor cat today sweetheart, so why don't you go to yer room"

She had tried to resist him, knowing where her was leading her, but it hadn't been hard for him to hold her arms and force her back. Her feet were bare and she couldn't get good traction on his floor, so he completed the task of trapping her inside the locked closet pretty easily.

He knew she hated it in there, that was why he'd done it. It wasn't that it was too small, she had room to move around and stretch. He'd even left water in there for her. It was just that there were no windows, and after he'd wedged the blanket under the door like he always did, there would be no light to keep time by.

He'd leave her in there for a few hours and let her calm down. She was always happy to see him when he let her out. Or maybe, she was just relieved that it was over. Either way she was calmer, and ultimately, it was for her own good. She couldn't provoke his temper from in there. He might strangle her if she kept up the complaining and cussing for too long, but in there she was contained and safe from him. It was better this way.

He'd left then, going to find that bitch Crystal and vowing to himself that he'd set this shit straight. He'd either prove she was lying or he'd force her to deal with it properly. Either way, there wasn't going to be any baby.

He found her hiding at a friends house, claiming it wasn't true, that she'd only said it to fuck with him, that she was sorry. She cowered beneath her hands, insisting that she had lied, but Mac had known better than to come unprepared.

He leaned against the door of the bathroom after trapping her inside with him, telling her to take the pregnancy tests he'd bought and to shut the fuck up already.

She did what he told her to, and when every single one was negative he raised his hand quick above her as if he meant to hit her. He wasn't going to, he was relieved she was just another lying bitch, but he wanted to see her flinch just the same. Fucking cunt, causing him this hassle and ruining his fucking Saturday.

"Fix it" he told her, knocking his shoulder into her as he stormed past "and do it quick 'fore you make me any madder"

He hadn't forgotten that he'd broken Calli's phone. He didn't want crystal to call and apologize to her, he wanted that bitch to go out and retract the lie from all the other people she'd told. He wasn't stupid, he knew she was trying to drive a wedge between him and the girl he wanted, and he wasn't going to let that happen.

He went back to his house but left Calli in the closet for a while longer. He took a nap and ate some dinner, smoking a joint on the couch afterwards and hearing her knocking weakly against the walls.

He had stood in front of the door, shifting on his feet to make the floor creak and toeing the blanket out of the way so that she'd know he was there.

"You ready to come out now?" He asked her softly, converting his voice back into velvet sandpaper to coax her.

"Yes"

"You don't sound so sure little kitty" he put his hand on the door as if he would be able to feel her suffering through it, as if he could absorb the way she would sob at what he was about to say next "maybe you should stay in there for the night"

"No!"

He smirked, loving the way she sounded when she was desperate, when she was ready to plead with him. He didn't have to be fucking her to enjoy it. He shut his own eyes when he heard her sigh, resigning herself to it. Good, there it was, she was submitting. The sound of it was like music to him.

"ill be good" she said softly

He unlocked the door and let her step out into the hall, wincing in the too bright light and closing her eyes

"C'mon then"

She let him lead her, her hand still protecting her eyes from the sear on her pupils. He pulled her to the couch and then dragged her down with him, settling her in his lap as he reclined lengthwise so she was laying on top of him.

He rubbed his hands up and down her back, enjoying the way she melted completely against him. It was like she was made of liquid when she was pressed to him like this, her curvy body accounting for all the sharp edges in his and filling them in.

"What if i got pregnant?" She asked suddenly,

"You wont" he told her, wondering why she had even asked. "You're on that weird birth control thing, the one they put in your arm"

He'd been there when she'd gotten it. It wasn't that he was being a supportive boyfriend though, he had just wanted to hear with his own ears that she was clean before he fucked her without wearing anything.

"So you don't want kids"

He had scoffed, dismissing the thought immediately.

"No way" was she really asking him that? "Now be quiet girl, I can't hear, thought you said you were guna behave"

She had fallen silent after that and he'd thought nothing of it.

This was different though. This wasn't her daydreaming about something dumb that he didn't have time for. This was a real, actual baby, his baby, and there was no way he'd let anything happen to it now that he knew.

He was her mate now whether she liked it or not, and he intended to protect his offspring.

XxXxXxXx

I lay awake in my tent with my hand over my stomach. The small ridge fit perfectly in my palm, and when i held it like this i felt peaceful.

The baby. It was safe inside me but for how much longer? What would happen now that its father had found out about it?

I closed my eyes and searched myself, feeling for the fear in all the moving, shifting boundaries of my psyche but unable to find it. It was as if i could picture my spirit in the shape of a body, but when i went towards the edges where i assumed it ended, it expanded and went on forever. I felt infinite. The life inside me was reminding me that i was immortal, and i was struck by the sudden notion of having known Mac through lifetimes.

It was as if he had always been seeking me.

The way it felt to be pursed by him, that rush to have him chase me. It was the most familiar thing i knew. It touched a place where only instinct dared to go. Nothing else felt that raw, nothing could even come close to that brilliant display of deep, vivid color.

I loved him.

Fuck.

That immediate, knee jerk reaction. Why wasn't it bliss? Why not happiness?

' _Because he's a monster'_ something firm and unkind spat back to me.

Was that my own voice? Did i feel that way? Did i hate him?

'What if I'm a monster too?'

This time it was my voice, but it sounded strange, slightly off. It was the voice of a recording, not the way you sound to yourself between your ears. This was the voice that everyone you spoke to heard, not what you used to talk to yourself inside your head. It sounded real, like i was standing right next to myself.

I shot up, alarmed by the clarity of it, and felt a cold sweat break out on the back of my neck. I wasn't alone. I could feel him standing outside my tent. A moment later i could smell his cigarette, could hear the sound of his knuckles slowly cracking.

"Calli" he rasped


	4. Chapter 4

**I didnt think i had anything to post tonight and then this happened. It's not as long but its still something right? I hope there aren't too many (any) typos but my eyes miss things when im reading stuff i wrote sometimes. Or, it reads words that aren't there and mixes other ones up. I dont know. I could edit it forever and it would never be perfect. At least if i publish i can move forward. I cant wait to see what happens. I really have no idea where this is headed.**

 **im going to try to update soon, but it might not be tomorrow. My husband is about to bury me in the backyard. Im not being the biggest help on the farm these days... I start typing and i look up and its 4 hours later and he's already in bed.**

 **Sigh.**

 **Okay, heres chapter 4**

 **i hope youre still enjoying it**

 **: )**

I shot up, panting for air, my chest heaving with the effort.

'A dream' i told myself, trying to soothe my racing heart by pressing on it 'just a dream'

The world around me had softened into the pale blue light of morning. It had only been a nightmare, he hadn't come for me. I was still on my own, still safe.

"Yer safe with me" the handsome stranger was saying. I could hear the bonfire crackling back behind me, people talking in the distance, "aint nuthin bad guna happen while im around"

"I should really go find my friend though, she doesn't even know where I -"

He had put his hands in the space just below my armpits, that wide expanse of ribs, and lifted me up. He sat me where he wanted me and then hopped up onto on the tailgate beside me. I had squeaked in surprise when he'd done it, forgetting what id been saying and instead just marveling at him.

"Yer right where she left ya"

I was focusing on where his hands had just been. It was a part of my body i had truly forgotten about until he touched it, almost as if he was calling me back to it.

I could feel the echo of where he had gripped me pulsing on my skin. It felt sort of strange. It was a place that rarely experienced touch, and the sudden attention was making it throb.

I subtly bent my arm up and curved my fingers around the side of my rib cage, pressing where he had pressed, trying to recreate the way it had felt to be held like that.

"What's yer name?"

"Calli"

"I said what's your fucking name?"

"what?"

Suddenly i was in a different memory. His hands were back at that new found territory, braced my rib cage again, but this time i was struggling. My back was against his bedroom wall and he was leaning over me as he squeezed, trapping me with his body.

"Yer name darlin," he was holding me tighter now. It felt like if i opened my mouth to scream he would crush me. "Tell me your name"

I pounded my fists against his back but it did nothing. Hs muscle was dense and his skin was covered in a thick layer of scar tissue. He hardly even felt it. He just chuckled at me and shook his head. The scruff of his partial beard was scratching against my neck and cheek. His mouth was near the curve of my neck. I could feel him lick his lips before he spoke again'

"I'm guna get mad if ya don't say it" he whispered to me, rocking me slightly from side to side in his grip "ya don't want that now do ya?"

"I do"

Now he was in front of me, standing a few feet away. His hands were clasped together in front of his dick and his mouth was smirking at me. He was wearing a suit. He had sunglasses on.

"And do you, Mac, take this - "

An unknown voice to the right of me was asking him to repeat things. My heart stalled in my chest as i realized this wasn't a memory. I couldn't breath. Was my mouth sewn shut? I couldn't open it. I couldn't breathe.

I shot up, for the third time, gasping.

"Are you fucking kidding me?" I panted, throwing the blankets to the side of me and pulling myself free from the tangled sheet underneath, "what the fuck"

I was drenched in sweat. It was full morning now and it was hot. I could hear the buzz of the insects and the heat of the steadily approaching day inside my tent. The atmosphere was heavy with perspiration and panic.

The nightmares were getting worse.

I groaned and changed into dry clothes, pulling my damp hair up off my neck and gathering whatever courage i could muster.

"You're nobodies cat" i said softly to myself, closing my eyes and huffing out an exhale as i repeated it "you're nobodies cat, you're nobodies cat"

I said it under my breath the whole way to the house, only stopping when i started up the stairs and looked up to see him coming through the screen door.

"Mornin' sunshine" he said to me over the rim of his coffee cup. He let the door slam shut behind him, thwacking loudly and making me flinch.

I paused, still only halfway up the stairs but paralyzed by the sight of him.

"Where's Lucy?" I asked suddenly, my mind suddenly fearing the worst. Had he hurt her? Was she okay?

He walked to the banister and set his cup down on the ledge. He put a cigarette between his lips and smirked at me, cupping his hand against the wind so he could light it.

"Sleepin" he told me as he blew out the first lungful of smoke and slapped his zippo shut "guess i kinda wore her out"

"Right" i scoffed, lifting my traitorous, heavy legs and continuing towards the door "or you just tied her to the bed"

"Yer the only one that likes that shit" he laughed, shaking his head and retreating away from me towards the far edge of the sprawling porch "she's just a normal girl who wants me to fuck her"

"Oh, and I'm not normal?"

It was surprising, how easy it was to fall back into this familiar banter with him. I didn't want to go inside, not yet. I stood there in front of the door, my hand on the small knob, waiting to see what he'd say.

"No," he replied, taking a drag off his stog and blowing the smoke out away from me, sending it rising up over the side "ya aint"

I snorted, not knowing why i had expected anything except an insult and the pulled the knob towards me. The door swung open, squeaking on its hinges, and i almost didn't hear him when he spoke again.

"Yer special" he grumbled, more to himself than to me, "you know that"

He was flicking the ash from his cigarette off the side of the porch, not looking at me. I watched the steam from his coffee cup rise up in the sunlight. My feet were twitching where i stood. I was desperate to go towards him I realized, but something about his body language was warning me not to.

I was still holding the door open so i went in, crossing the threshold and feeling his mental hold on me loosening just a bit. I went towards the kitchen, hearing voices and wanting coffee.

I got a mug out of the cupboard and poured it full of the steaming brown liquid from the carafe. I wrapped both hands around it and savored the warmth of it. It was so reliable, coffee in the morning.

Martin was there, leaning on the center island, a pencil in his hand and a phone pressed against his ear. He was nodding as he jotted things down on a small scrap of paper.

"Sounds good" he said, standing to his full height now that he was done writing "ill see you there"

"Mornin" i said to him after he'd hung up the phone

"Mornin cal" he smiled back at me "hey did you see that guy Mac on your way in here?"

"He was on the porch"

"Cool, can you handle lunch duty today?

I nodded, smiling slightly at him when i did. It was always my turn to cook, even though it was supposed to be a shared chore. He had three other people i was on rotation with, but Martin had taken a liking to my cooking early on. I didn't blame him, not compared to my competion at least.

There was Lucy, Marcus and Bonnie.

Lucy was helpless, she survived off things that came in boxes and Marcus and Bonnie were no better. They always shared their turn and then claimed that they had gone last time, when they had ready just stood in the kitchen with the other and kept them company.

I didn't mind doing most of the cooking though, i liked the quiet of the kitchen while everyone else was working,

I took a small sip of my coffee, trying to be brave. I wanted it but i wasn't sure how my stomach would feel about it. The morning sickness wasn't a daily thing but it still happened sometimes. I was petrified someone else would notice one day and I'd be found out. Something made me feel like i needed to keep it a secret, at least for a little bit longer.

Martin took off in the direction id just come and i followed, trying to see if i could hear them from the entrance to the hall without going any closer. I heard their voices but couldn't make out what they were saying.

"Hey Calli"

I turned and saw Lucy, wearing Mac's flannel as she came down the stairs. The image made my stomach drop, and i put my cup of coffee down, suddenly sure i was going to be sick.

"You seen Mac?" She asked

'What is that?' I thought to myself as i struggled not to roll my eyes 'the million dollar question? Why is everyone so keen on him'

I opened my mouth to tell her where he was but then heard him and Martin coming in from the porch. I moved out of the doorway so they could walk into the kitchen.

"There you are" Lucy said

Mac didn't answer her. He was still listening to Martin, who sounded like he was offering him a job.

"I'm sure you've got other things going on" Martin was saying to him now "but i could use someone like you to help me with the heavy lifting, and I've got plenty of trim work too that you could help with"

Mac had his arms crossed and he was leaning back on the island, seeming to consider what Martin was saying to him but giving nothing away, as usual. I walked around to the other side so i could busy myself at the sink.

"Lemme think about it" Mac said after a moment "get some stuff sorted out"

My heart was like a rabbit in my chest. He was staying?

"I gada go to San Fran to drop some weight off but ill be back in a few days. If you're still around then maybe we can work something out" Martin said "the girls usually cook too so there's always food around, Calli makes a mean meatloaf"

"Does she now" he murmured. I could tell by his voice that his eyes were narrowed at my back.

He knew that i did. He had eaten it before, it was his favorite.

I was his favorite.

So why Lucy?

Was he tired of me?

Did he want her instead?

All this doubt and sudden insecurity. It was making me hate her. I was getting mixed up. I felt confused and turned around. I didn't hate Lucy. Or at least, i didn't think i wanted to.

Lucy was like me, a girl with seemingly no ties or obligations. We just floated around and there were a million of us. We hopped trains, we bummed rides, and we told wild stories to keep people interested. We got around, not so much dating but more like keeping boyfriends. The kind who were mean to us and always quick to pick a fight with someone. They were good at problem solving or being sneaking, the resourceful type, the kind that got you where you were going, even if it was hell. You know, the addicts.

They served their purpose for a while. We would travel with them, living their lifestyle and not having to bother with our own, unemployed and on the move. You cant get bored if you're never in the same place. They would pay for shit and give us drugs. Then we would sit through the tantrums; the withdrawals and the name calling.

It was a cycle.

Up, down

Backwards, forwards

East coast, west coast

This boyfriend, that boyfriend

Because they were all interchangeable, just like Lucy and i were. She was about my age, petite with a cute face. It was something about her eyes. They were unique in someway, although I couldn't quite place it now that i was trying to. Her body still looked young too; all those years of fun hadn't begun to catch up yet. She got by.

That's exactly what i had been doing, keeping boyfriends and wasting time. I was moving around without actually going anywhere. I felt bland. I had been so many places, and experienced so many people, but they were all the same basements and bars, the same carbon copy of who you think you should portray.

I had always linked up with someone, just for the sake of not being alone. I had traveled highway routes over and over, had spent so much time doing different, boring things. I hadn't loved any of those boys, i had hardly even liked them. I hadn't even known what love was back then, in that other life.

Then i had met Mac

And became the one being kept.

We were only ever in one spot too, some shithole town in the middle of fucking nowhere.

And i felt everything.

Something happened when we got together, something that was like that soft 'boom' you hear when you push the plunger of the needle and the smack hits your bloodstream. It was like yelling 'wow', without making a noise. It was everything you could ever want, all at once and right away; but it was also deadly, far too powerful to be trusted.

He felt it too.

I know he did, I saw him.

I watched what was currently happening to me, that sudden shiver of pleasure, play on his face. His mouth opened as the sensation hit him.

It was like when you move your head or neck just right and it sends a ripple down your spine. Except this was a bolt of lightning, and it raced down my entire body, electrify every nerve ending along the way.

"Calliope huh?"

We were in the bed of his pickup with the bonfire glowing around us. I was drinking his whiskey and smiling so hard my face hurt. I liked him.

"Aint that special er sumthin?" He asked, tilting the bottle back "someone important?"

"It's uh, shes one of the muses" i replied, suddenly embarrassed, knowing he was about to make fun of me. I could just tell he was going to, i could hear it coming in the way he breathed. It was like i knew him already.

"Oh ill bet you love that" he teased

I had laughed, swatting at his chest and accepting the bottle from him.

"It comes in handy" i admitted

"Yeah ill bet it does" he snickered "imma call you sumthin else though"

"Oh yeah?" I had snorted, "and whats that" i tilted the bottle up and drank.

"Don't know yet" he smirked "gada spend more time with ya"

"Mmm" i affirmed while swallowing the whiskey down "I'd like that"

"Yeah ill bet you would"

I shot my hand out to swat him again and hit empty air.

I opened my eyes. I was alone in the kitchen.

No, I wasn't.

I turned and stared up at him. How long had he been standing behind me?

He had his arms crossed in front of his chest. I had always loved the way his biceps looked peeking out of his t-shirt when he stood like that, his forearms tense and corded. My blood rushed.

"Were you traveling?" He asked

I nodded. He continued to hold my eyes steady with his. He spoke slowly, deliberately.

"Where'd ya go?"

"I was at the bonfire" the words poured out of me like water. I couldn't lie to him, not like this. When he wanted me to tell him the truth that was exactly what he got. It was something about his voice.

"The one from last night?"

I shook my head.

"Hmm" he hummed at me, the mole near the corner of his mouth twitched as he smirked, "the one where i found ya, that a good place to go"

He kept his arms crossed when he leaned forward to get whisper in my ear.

"I've been going there too peaches"


	5. Chapter 5

"Peaches"

His voice, slicing through me, soft but determined. He had to push it through the grit lodged in his throat to be heard and it came out textured; roughened but still quiet. It wasn't fair, that voice of his. It crumbled all of my resolve.

It was like the that way water hit the beach, gently but relentlessly lapping at a sand castle, dissolving its structure and pulling it apart. It was futile to try and resist it.

"Peaches" i could hear it rolling off his tongue, beckoning me back to him.

Sometimes, when he was trying to be funny or wanted to piss me off, he would say it the same way you would call a dog to you.

"C'mon peaches, c'mere girl" he would say excitedly, even hitting his legs to further encourage me as he laughed.

It depended on the situation, whatever happened next, but it usually ended the same, with my back pressed up against something and his dick or face between my legs.

Sometimes i would play along, crawling towards him on all fours and performing the tricks he told me to. Other times i would ball my fist into a tiny rock, and then aim for his temple; swinging high to avoid his shoulder as he tried to block me.

He liked both reactions equally.

He had come up with the nickname after he'd discovered me one morning in the kitchen, lugging the trash bin behind me and demolishing the piles of garbage stacked everywhere.

"What the hell ar'ya doing girl?" He had growled at me, his voice still thick with sleep and his eyelids swollen from how he rubbed at them.

I don't know why but i had gotten nervous suddenly, like he had caught me doing something I shouldn't be. It was just that he slept so late and i was so bored, just waiting for him to wake up. He had a habit of getting pissed whenever i left without telling him, so it had seemed like the only logical way to pass the time. I was also sick of having to wade through the mess.

"Cleaning" i said cautiously, unsure of how he was going to react.

"Well aint you a peach" he'd spat, stalking up to me and grabbing my face in his hands. I froze and tried to keep perfectly still, my heart thumping like tiny rabbit feet in the snow.

He was unbelievable strong, and i was always a little apprehensive right when he first made contact. It was hard to relax when i knew what kind of damage he could inflight with his massive body; i had seen it so many times at the bar.

He waited. He liked watching me, seeing how frightened i was and letting it wash over him like some kind of bliss "guess its lucky fer you i like peaches" he said finally

"Oh, yeah?" My apprehension had vanished.

I was whatever he wanted me to be, whatever he would allow. I was frightened one minute and aroused in the next, perfectly compliant.

His hands moved down to my shoulders, gripping them just tight enough so that i knew i couldn't get away if i chose to jerk them suddenly.

Once, for fun, i had broken free of him and leapt back. He'd had to chase me around the house to catch me again, and he had broken my wrist when he threw me to the floor after he had. I didn't care though, we ate the Percocet's the hospital gave me and had sex all weekend, eating takeout and watching movies. It had been great.

He squeezed again, pulling me back into my body, and moved his hands even lower. They were at my elbows now, still firmly gripping me, and he stepped forward to close the distance between us.

"Mmhmm" he hummed in affirmation, burying his face in my neck "taste so sweet"

I felt desired when he touched me, like i was something worth keeping, something precious he didn't want to lose. Except when he was mad. Then i only felt dread, knowing he was going punish me somehow but not knowing how i could avoid it or even what to expect.

Now he was opening his jaw wide to press his tongue flat against my skin; I could feel the tips of his canines as he sucked it hard into his mouth, could almost hear the sound of my blood vessels popping there.

"Mac" i had tried to push him away, "Mac, c'mon, no more hickeys, my boss is guna kill me"

He had his hands by my hipbones now though, and they turned into talons when i tried to twist away.

"Mac" i said again, my fingers finding the grooves of his shoulder blades and trying to pry him off "Mac!"

I blinked, coming back into the present the way you wake up from a dream. When i focused my eyes this time i was truly alone in the kitchen. I could still hear someone saying his name but it wasn't me.

I followed it out to the porch. Mac had Lucy in his arms and he was tickling her, trapping her in close to him while she tried to scramble away. She was saying his name as though she wanted him to stop, but i could tell that she didn't. I knew that giggle all too well.

It hurt, seeing him like that with her. Worse than that, i was pissed that i even cared. I didn't stay to watch. My feet took off on their own accord, down the steps, devastated by the sight of them. I wanted to console myself but i didn't dare. I had to keep pretending like it didn't bother me. It was my only chance at getting through this, otherwise the grief i refused to face would surely kill me.

"Hey Martin!" I called out, seeing him loading his car up in the front drive "wait up for a sec"

He jerked his chin at me, acknowledging that he'd heard me and i jogged up to him.

"Hey" i breathed, catching my breath and smiling at him. I was trying to throw all my enthusiasm into it to distract myself. I didn't want to feel the crushing disappointed i had left behind on the porch. "Can you give me a lift to the store before you go? I wanted to restock the fridge"

He deposited the box he'd been carrying into the back of his car and slammed the door closed.

"I cant" he shook his head apologetically "I'm already running behind and its the opposite direction. Can it wait a few days?"

"i can take her"

We both looked back at the deep voice that had interrupted. Mac was on the lawn now, Lucy trailing behind him with her brow furrowed.

"Thanks man" I heard Martin say back at him "there ya go Cal, Mac will take you"

"Terrific" i said quietly, not concerned with masking my sarcasm.

"Can i come too?" Lucy chirped

"Only got room for one" Mac said dismissively. Then, when she scoffed, he rounded on her so that she had to retreat backwards "i kin getcha ta come though"

She giggled and let him catch her. That was it. I was definitely going to be sick now.

I took of, not caring if it seemed weird in front of everyone, and ran behind the house towards the tree line. My throat was already watering by the time i made it to the safety of the woods, and i collapsed forward on my knees just as my stomach began to contract.

I threw up as quietly as i could, a trick i had learned in high school when i didn't want me parents to know how hungover i was. My friends in college always made such a racket whenever they got sick, their retching echoing in the porcelain bowls as they did. We jokingly referred to it as 'calling dinosaurs'.

The meager contents of my stomach emptied until the muscles heaved tiredly. I waited for a moment to be sure that it was over, then sat back on my heels to wipe my mouth and catch my breath.

My forehead was slick with sweat. I used the back of my wrist and then the hem of my shirt to try and wipe it off.

"Fuck" i muttered to myself, rubbing my palms against my thighs to dry them "fuck, fuck, fuck"

"You need to drink more water" came a gravelly voice from behind me.

"Jesus" i yelped, unaware that he had snuck up behind me. If either of us was like a cat it was him, he was so quiet on his feet when he wanted to be.

Instead of responding i shut my eyes tight and tried to will him away. I didn't need him harping on me, not now. 'Fuck off' i thought to myself 'fuck off, fuck off, fuck - "

"And not fucking coffee" he barked

I barked out a laugh, even throwing my head back at how ridiculous he sounded. He wanted to give me advice now? Act like he gave a shit about my health? Where was the version of him that had choked me until I passed out? Wasn't he the same man who had left me there on the floor and stepped over my body to go and watch tv?

"Thanks Dr. Mac" i sneered, rocking onto my feet and turning to face him, "for that thorough diagnosis. Now if you'll excuse me - "

"I aint fucking kidding Calli" he snapped, coming up close to me and blocking my exit, "its hot as fuck out here and you need more water than ever. Dehydrating yourself by drinking caffeine and puking every five minutes is only guna make it worse"

I set my jaw tight and looked away, making it clear i didn't intend on saying anything more to him. He hated it when i did that, when I wouldn't let him in. Usually he could get me to quit by twisting my arm up or locking me in 'my room', but not here. Not when i could still scream for help and someone might have the audacity to try and rescue me.

"Why ya gada be such a little shit about this Calli?"

I shook my head. I was furious with him. I didn't want him to see me cry, i wanted him to go away.

"Leave. Me. Alone." i spat at him

"Not likely"

His jaw twitched and he shifted on his feet. He had his arms at his sides but his shoulders were slightly forward, almost like a cat ready to pounce.

"So then what do we do now?" I sighed

"Call me doctor again" he whispered, his eyes focused on my lips "I wanna find out what just what you'd do to live"

I was still trying to process what he'd said when he rushed forward, slamming his lips into mine and pulling me tight up against him.

I let him, not that i had much of a choice. His arms were like steel bars across my back as he held me, but i would have given in anyway. It felt so good to be back in his arms, the relief in knowing that i was trapped there, that i couldn't get away. It was like coming home and taking your shoes off. I relaxed into him immediately, forgetting that i had even wanted to resist. It took off all the pressure i felt, just letting him have control over me. He wanted it and i didn't, so why not just let him have it?

His lips were soft and insistent, urging my mouth open so he could fit his tongue inside and fold it against mine. I complied, bringing my hands up to hold his jaw as it opened and closed against me. He lifted me up towards him, wanting me to wrap my legs around him like i always did, and my eyes shot open.

No!

I broke away, gasping for air and ducking his hands when he reached for me again. I sprinted back towards the front lawn, empty now, and raced up the front steps. I passed Lucy in the kitchen. She opened her mouth to say something but i ignored her, instead making my way to the bathroom and throwing the lock once i was safety inside.

And then i broke down, all by myself, in the one place where no one would dare try and join me.

I felt awful, like my insides had been poisoned and i was dying a slow, painful death. My intestines were coated in acid and i doubled over from the cramps, clutching myself and sinking down to the floor. My heart was splintering into pieces and hacking up the surrounding flesh as it tried uselessly to keep beating. What was this fresh hell?

It was hard enough to be without him, i didn't need the reminder of what i had been missing. I still wanted him, still loved him, but i was terrified of letting him back in.

Would he be angry? Would he make me get rid of it? Would he hurt it if i refused?

My brain was moving too fast to comprehend anything besides the fear at first. Then, slowly, as i calmed down, i was able to start to piece things together.

'He's here isn't he?' My inner dialog asked, 'That has to count for something'

'Sure but he was just looking for me' i snapped back 'he probably just wants to get back at me for leaving, for taking the money, its not about the - '

Suddenly, images were flashing and dots were connecting in my mind.

I knew he had figured it out already. Lucy had blown my cover when Mac had tried to offer me booze at the fire last night. What i hadn't expected, was for him to not have confronted me on it yet. What was he waiting for?

Then i realized.

He was expecting me to keep it.

And not only that, he was expecting to be part of it.

Him, on the porch this morning, walking away from me as he smoked his cigarette, the language of his body insisting that i not come any closer.

Him, in the woods with me just now, urging me to drink water instead of coffee, the angry concern in his voice when he talked about the heat and being dehydrated.

No.

I couldn't let myself, even for one second, daydream about the possibility of being a family with him. It was too good, both of the things that i wanted together, and nothing like that ever happened in real life. Not to me at least.

I pictured the baby crying, screaming for me in the middle of the night. I saw Mac trying to soothe it, his face angry and his hands getting tighter on its small body when it wouldn't stop wailing.

No.

My eyes flashed open.

He couldn't be part of this. He was too hard, the damage too deep.

He would hurt it without meaning to, and from there it could only escalate. Mac couldn't be a father, he didn't even know what the word meant.

I knew about Walter, about the belts and the punches. If that was the only father figure Mac had ever known then how could he possibly train himself to be any different?

I knew him, and i knew it wouldn't work, as badly as i wanted to let him force it.

No.

I heard the screen door slam and the sound of his heavy feet.

"Calli come in here?" He asked Lucy

"Yeah she ran into the bathroom, but - "

"Cal-aye!" He shouted to me, ignoring her when she tried to continue, "get the fuck out here girl i need ta talk to ya"

I ran the tap in the sink to try and drown at his voice. I gripped the porcelain hard in my hands and looked at myself in the mirror.

"You're nobodies cat" i told my reflection "you're nobodies cat and you're tough as fuck. You're a gunslinger girl, now steel yourself"

It was the same speech i had given myself the night i had left. It was the only way to psyche myself up so that i had enough courage to leave him.

I thought of Roland and his sandal wood grips as i splashed water on my face to try and hide the redness caused by crying. I pictured him after he had lost his fingers to those crab things on the beach, the doors standing erect in the middle of nowhere. Him telling Eddie "there are a million excuses, but not one reason"

I had to dig deeper, i had to be strong enough.

"Calli" he roared again, this time right outside the door.

"I'm coming" i spat back at him, my eyes locked on the girls in the mirror. They were green, and this time, they were fierce.

I could do this, i decided. I could stick to my guns.

I had to.

XxXxXxX

She had walked out of the bathroom as though nothing had happened. Mac wasn't an idiot though, he could tell she'd been crying.

He didn't understand.

Why was she still fighting this? She had practically melted into him when he'd kissed her in the woods. He knew that she still wanted him, so why this fucking struggle?

Somehow, although all his instincts told him to grab her, he managed to resist his impulse and let her stomp past him.

He had come too far to blow it, to let it explode in his face. He wanted her to come with him, to go back to Utah so they could resume their life together, but he didn't want to drag her.

He wanted obedience.

He wanted her to follow him, wanted her to do what he told her to.

He breathed out through his nose, trying to calm himself as he watched his girl go back into the kitchen and pour herself another cup of coffee. She was doing that shit to him on purpose, making him worry about her when he was powerless to stop her.

Sure, he could knock the mug out of her hand and drag her kicking and screaming to his truck. He could tie her up and force her to the floor of his pick up, all while being gentle enough to ensure he didn't hurt the baby. He could scream at her since he couldn't hit her, he could lock her away to make sure she never got the chance to leave him ever again. He could do every single one of those things. It wouldn't even be difficult, he wouldn't even break a sweat.

But he knew he would lose her if he did that.

He knew she'd block him out of her life for good this time, knew she'd shut down and refuse to accept him back in.

And he wanted her mind more than anything.

He was able to let it go then, feeling the rage drain out of him as he did. He could still win.

She thought she had made up her mind about it, sure, but she hadn't disappeared yet. There was still time to convince her, time to prove to her that he was the right choice. All he had to do was be patient and eventually he could wear her down. It was already working, this was just a minor setback.

No, it wasn't too late, not yet anyway, although if he forced himself on her in anyway now he knew that it would be. His future was on the edge of a blade, one that he himself had sharpened. He had to be careful about which way he moved and what he did next.

So instead, and because he knew it would throw her off guard, he simply took a deep breath and asked her if she was ready to go to the store yet.

His tactic work. She visibly blanched at first, alarmed at the unexpected reaction, but then quickly recovered and told him she needed a minute.

"Fine" he spat back "whatever, take twenty"

Then he'd reached for the other girl, pulling her to him because it was the only way he could hurt Calli at the moment.

"I know what we kin do while he wait"

 **DARK TOWER FOR LIFEEEEE**

 **(i haven't actually even seen the movie yet, is it good?)**

 **please let me know if you like this! I can see that its being read but i would also love to hear your feedback!**

 **Krissy, your reviews mean the world to me, thank you so much for taking the time to let me know :) 'ppreciate ya girl**


	6. Chapter 6

I didn't want to listen to Mac and Lucy fucking. I grabbed a bagel and spread cream cheese on it as fast as i could, following my feet down the steps and across the lawn so that I wouldn't have hear her. She made so much fucking racket, how could he stand it?

Devouring my breakfast along the way, i headed back towards my tent. If he was only using her to make me jealous then he wouldn't have the patience to fuck her for very long. I figured i only had to kill a small amount of time.

About ten minutes later i heard him laying on the horn. I went towards it, figuring it was my cue, and found him leaning against it in the driveway. I climbed up into the side of his rusty red Chevy, knowing the door would stick after i opened it and pulling it hard behind me to get to latch closed. The 'bang' it produced when it slammed shut made my ears hurt, but it didn't stop the smile that spread across my face when he climbed in and looked over at me.

"What're you so happy 'bout?" He grumbled

"Nothing" i smirked at him "i just remember you having more stamina is all"

He paused, realizing i had just insulted him and then snorted at me to dismiss it.

"Maybe I'm just more efficient then you remember" he shot back, starting the engine and jiggling the gear shift, "trust me, she aint got any complaints"

I didn't want to think about that. I knew he was efficient when he wanted to be, he had made me come several times under time constraints. Instead, and to distract myself from thinking about the time he'd fingered me to orgasm in a room full of people, i focused on the way he shifted gears.

The truck was an old beater, and the gear shift was the kind that came up from the floor. You couldn't sit in the middle of the bench seat without straddling it, and whenever there was another person riding with us i had always sat there. It gave me a secret rush every time he had to reach between my legs as he accelerated, even if he never touched me.

I decided i couldn't think about that either. I searched for another memory, remembering the very first time i had ridden in this truck, and cautiously let it expand in me.

It had been two days after the fire when he'd finally called me. Poor Anne had to listen to me go over every detail again and again, wondering where he had lost interest.

"I don't see what the big deal it" she had said to me, "i know you just moved to town but that guy has a really bad reputation"

I had wanted to correct her, telling her i didn't 'move' to town but i resisted. It wasn't worth getting into. My sister lived in the next town over and i had been roped into coming her prepare for her new baby by our negligent mother. I couldn't stand living with her though so Anne had offered to let me stay at her place. I didn't want to seem like i was just crashing so i told her id look for a job even though i had no real plans to.

It was only after i had met Mac that i even considered the possibility of actually staying. I never assumed i would be staying anywhere, at least not for very long. I always felt ready to leave at a moment notice, that was why i hadn't even unpacked my suitcase. Anne assumed she had found a new roommate but I had friends all over the country, and i didn't want to get stuck in this random town in Utah where there was nothing to do except meth. I had originally planned on staying only until my niece was born and then splitting. That was before though, in the other life.

"He's so hot though" i countered, looking at my phone again to see if maybe I'd missed a text from him, "and if he's got such a bad reputation then why didn't he try and sleep with me after the fire?"

She shrugged and took another sip of her beer, avoiding eye contact with me as she drank it.

"Have you slept with him?" I asked suddenly.

She almost choked when she tried not to laugh.

"Calli, pretty much everyone's slept with him"

"Except for me" i grumbled

We had been playing dice on the front porch that night, and i was about three beers deep when my cell phone rang.

"Whole-lee shit" i had said, staring at the unknown number on my screen, "do you think this is him? This is a Utah area code right?"

Anne had shrugged and tried to seem disinterested.

"Pick it up and find out"

I had, trying to sound casual when he said my name, and made plans with him to pick me up later that night.

"Cal, I know you think you like this guy" Anne had said to me while I got dressed, "but maybe you should take your own car and meet him somewhere. That way you can drive yourself home later"

"I don't want to drive Anne I've already been drinking" i scoffed, dismissing her warning, "besides i wanna ride in his truck"

He had picked me up about an hour later. I could remember sitting in this exact same seat, watching him do the exact same thing he was doing now, and feeling the exact same way. I was still smitten with him, after all this time.

"Kin you do it?" He had asked me back then, noticing me watching him.

"No" i admitted, embarrassed, "my last boyfriend wouldn't teach me, said it costs a clutch"

Mac had snorted at that, ashing his cigarette out the window and keeping one wrist draped over the steering wheel.

"Sounds like a shitty teacher ta me" he grunted "aint hard"

"You could teach me" i offered

"I aint'cher boyfriend Calli"

I didn't say anything afterwards and he seemed to realize something had gone wrong. He furrowed his brow as he thought about it, eventually throwing the cigarette out the window and grabbing my hand in his.

"Sides" he had smirked at me, recovering easily, "my house is way out in the country, if you cant figure out how to drive this wreck then i guess yer guna be stuck with me till i agree ta take ya back"

I watched him kiss my hand, feeling his words resonate in a new, weird part of me. I knew I shouldn't like it, that he was probably only joking, but it still made my heart race.

"Maybe I'll jus keep ya" he told me, putting one of my knuckles into his mouth and biting gently down on it, "would you like that? You could be my new pet"

" I -"

"Not that yer guna have much of a choice" he had said, pushing his tongue up against the pad of my fingertip. I had the sudden, irresistible urge to feel that tongue on my clit, prodding in just the same way, "Aint no one but me gon hear ya if ya yell fer help"

I shook my head, abandoning the recollection when it started to make my pulse pound. It had been so exhilarating to be spoken to that way for some reason, some kind ancient desire finally being satisfied. It felt like a dark serpent had woken up in my belly, a demon designed strictly for lust, uncoiling its sinister body and flicking its tongue out.

"Where is this place?" He asked me now, eyes on the road and not realizing i was years away in my head.

"Head north" i told him "then go east when you get to the stop sign"

He kept looking over at me but he wasn't saying anything. I tried to ignore him, giving him directions when he needed them and staring out the window to try and distract myself from the uncomfortable silence. The store was about thirty minutes away though, and his quiet scrutiny was starting to irritate me.

"Just say it" i grumbled, unable to relax when his stare began to give off an actual heat, "get it over with"

He waited a moment, and i wasn't actually sure if he was going to speak, but then his voice growled back at me from deep within his chest. "Ya coulda told me"

I wanted to laugh out loud but i didn't. If he got all domineering with me again like he had in the woods then i was probably going to fuck him right here in the cab.

"It wont work Mac"

"Like hell!" He spat back at me, his ire gaining momentum now that i was trying to deny him, "There aint no other option"

"I'm planning on giving it up for adoption" i lied suddenly, unsure of where the words were coming from but speaking them anyways, "neither of us can raise a kid Mac, C'mon"

He stared at me, narrowing his eyes after a moment and shaking his head.

"Yer lying. Yer always fucking lying to me these days Calli, i cant stand it"

"I'm not lying" i lied again, unable or maybe just unwilling to back down.

"Ya are" he roared at me, his brow furrowed and his jaw set. He was fidgeting in his seat, shifting around like he couldn't get comfortable "ya don't think i know what ya look like when ya lie?"

I watched him for a moment, wondering how he could read me the way he did, and then sighed, realizing how badly he needed a cigarette. I rolled my window down and propped my forehead against my hand.

"Just have one already" i muttered "before you kill us all"

"Fucking bitch" he grumbled, digging into his pocket for his pack of smokes. He lit one and blew the smoke out the side of his mouth, visibly relaxing as the nicotine hit his system.

"Better?" I asked

He didn't answer me. He kept his eyes forward and took another drag, the anger still radiating off of him.

"Go left up here" i said leaning my head further out the window, trying not to breathe the smoke in, "it'll be on our right in a quarter mile"

XxXxXxXx

The store wasn't much more than a glorified gas station, but it had the staples i needed and it was better than driving the hour and a half into the city. I didn't think i could be around Mac for that long, and i was grateful when he put the truck in park and i was able to hop out.

He followed me in, walking behind me as i went toward the back of the store where the grocery section was. Everything was overpriced but i didn't worry about it, Martin had an account here that i could charge everything to.

"Shouldn't you be getting fat?" Mac asked as he watched me put things into the basket i carried "what're ya now? 4 months?"

"Wow" i replied, exaggerating my tone as though i were actually impressed, "you can count"

"Watch it Calli" he snapped at me "Just 'cause yer pregnant don't mean i cant figure out ways to discipline ya"

That serpent in my stomach rolled and flexed its long body, unfurling and stretching as he woke it up. It loved being spoken to like that, it reveled in it. I felt the blood in me start to rush in every direction.

I tried to act casual but it was too late. Mac had already perked up, noticing my reaction.

"What?" He asked, chuckling slightly, in a much better mood now that he had figured out a way to fuck with me "does that turn you on?"

"No" I answered, too quickly

"Liar" he rasped, stepping up beside me so he could lean over and whisper in my ear "I kin smell you Calli"

I turned, quick on my feet, and pointed my finger up at him.

"Don't" i warned

"Don't what?" He taunted, his eyes full of weird light.

"Don't...don't stop"

"Say it nice"

He was above me, one hand supporting his weight while the other was holding the belt he had wrapped my throat, pulling it just tight enough so that my vision blurred around the edges.

"More" i gasped, knowing he'd get pissed, doing it on purpose.

He gripped me tighter, making my head tilt back as my airways searched desperately for air.

"I said ask me nice you dumb slut" He had grunted, releasing the belt so that he could slap me hard across my face "try again"

"Please"

"Please what"

"Please let me out!"

I was in the closet and he was standing right outside of it, tormenting me. I could smell the bacon he had just cooked, could hear him eating it. I was so hungry. I had been in here for hours, maybe even a whole day, and i was desperate to be released.

"C'mon Mac, please" i begged, my palms pressed flat against the wooden door.

"What's in it fer me?"

I had been angry. I was so fucking hungry and i needed to pee.

"Just open the fucking door!" I had screamed, banging my hands against it for emphasis.

The sound of things clattering to the floor brought me back to reality. I was alone in the aisle, and i had knocked over a display of cans when i wasn't paying attention.

I had to get a grip, get control of my head. I restacked the cans in a pyramid shape, hoping that was how they'd been originally, and went over to the fridges against the back wall.

XxXxXx

Mac had left Calli where she was when she started traveling. Normally he would shake her arm to rouse her from it, but he didn't want to disturb her if she was thinking about him. Instead he walked away, letting her remember and hoping it was something good.

When they had been in Utah she had done it less but she had still done it. She was usually thinking about her mom or things she had seen when she'd been on the road, so he didn't think twice about telling her to snap her out of it. If she was daydreaming about him though, he might as well leave her to the mercy of her memories. He'd had control over her back in Utah, and maybe he could get it again if he let her remember just how good it had felt.

He had felt good at least, and he was pretty sure she had too. He could still see the version of her that he liked buried under this false exterior of a tough girl. He was going to have to break her in all over again if he wanted her the way she had been, but he was up for the challenge.

He wandered over to the booze section on the far side of the store and did some traveling of his own while he searched for the whiskey he wanted. He let his eyes drift over all the labels, thinking back to Utah when they'd had that sudden spring storm. It couldn't have been even a month before she'd split.

The rain had been falling in sheets. Calli watched out the window, holding a kitten she'd found close to her chest and rubbing its throat. It had its eyes closed and was purring against her, nuzzling into her touch and working it tiny paws.

Mac didn't care that she'd brought the cat inside. As long as it stayed out of his way he figured he wouldn't even notice it. She'd discovered it out behind the bar about a week ago eating garbage. It was only a tiny thing, and Mac figured it had been abandoned because it was the runt.

"Ya aint bringing a litter box in 'ere" he'd told her when she first presented it to him like a child asking for permission, "that thing shits outside ya hear me?"

The way she'd nodded her head made it look like it could come loose, and she had smiled with all of her teeth. It was something he hadn't seen in a while, and instead of infuriating him he had actually smiled back. Besides, if she ever pissed him off he figured he could use the thing against her to make her behave.

"Whud ya name that thing?" He asked

He was sunk into the sofa sharpening his knife. The rain wasn't letting up, and he was either going to have to leave here soon, before the roads became impassable, or stay until they dried out. Walter wanted him down at the bar to help his bartender Carmen with the generators. The power had gone out and he was worried about the product drying in the back room. Mac hardly cared, knowing it would probably be fine, but Walter had been calling every twenty minutes to yell at him about getting his ass down there.

His road and the road that was bar was on, weren't paved. When it dumped like this they usually both washed out. Mac knew he was stalling, wishing he could just call and claim his truck got stuck, but Walter never would have bought that shit. Mac didn't get stuck, not ever, not unless he wanted to.

What he really wanted to do was just stay home with Calli all day. The idea of her being totally trapped with him was turning him on the more he thought about it. Maybe he could even convince her to try and run, just he could chase her and tackle her outside in the mud. He liked wresting with her.

"Ive just been calling it cat" she murmured, holding the tiny animal up in front of her face so she could coo at it before bringing it back in close to her body

"A stray cat for a stray cat" Mac mused "how fitting"

She shot him a look but he let her get away with it.

"Thought i belonged to you now" she said, crouching down onto the floor to deposit the kitten in the basket she'd set up for it. The tiny thing curled into itself, becoming a rising and falling lump of fur as it drifted into a steady sleep.

He smirked and pocketed the knife, reclining into the couch and spreading his legs to invite her in. It was something about the sight of her on her knees, it did strange things to him.

"Here kitty, kitty, kitty" he coaxed her, sucking his tongue back against the roof of his mouth so that it made a clicking noise. He held his hand out to her and rubbed his fingers together "c'mere priddy kitty"

She had grinned at the playful sound of his voice and fell forward onto her hands. He loved her like this, she was so totally his.

She slunk over to him, exaggerating her movements so that he could see the rise and fall of her shoulder blades. He watched her with his mouth slightly open, grinning when she reached his outstretched hand and rubbed her face against it. She sucked the tip of his thumb into her mouth and hummed before crawling up onto him.

Taking control, he situated her in his lap, sitting up so that his back was against the couch and her body laid over his lap. His mind raced with things he could do to her. He smoothed his hands over her ass and legs when she wriggled it up at him, eliciting a low groan from her and digging his fingers in harder.

"You like that?" He'd asked, squeezing each of her ass cheeks through the thin fabric of her pajama bottoms. She giggled and he slapped her hard on each one "tell me"

"I like when you play with my ass" she moaned back to him, resting her head on her arms and arching her lower back even more. He ran his fingers down between her ass cheeks and pressed his thumb against her clit. Her body shuddered.

He moved her off his lap, positioning her so that her belly was pressed down into the cushions and he was above her. He pressed his hardening dick against her and moved his hips in a circle.

"You want me to fuck it?" He asked, dipping his head down low so that she could feel his lips moving against her ear. Her mouth stretched out into a smile and she nodded.

"Say it then" He bucked his hips hard into her and she gasped

"I want you to fuck my ass Mac" she said in a breathy whisper

He kissed behind her ear and down her neck, moving a hand to pull her pajama pants down when his phone began to vibrate on the table beside them.

"Goddammit" he growled, keeping her pinned with a hand on her shoulder when she tried to sit up "you stay right fucking there girl, don't even think about moving"

"Mmm, yes sir" she giggled, wriggling her ass up at him so he would smack it again before he stood.

"What?" He barked into the phone, pissed at the interruption.

Calli scowled when she heard a female voice answer him from the other end. She also rolled her eyes, a habit he had been trying to beat out of her, and pulled her pants back up before righting herself into a sitting position. Mac glared at her for disobeying him but she just glared right back, crossing her arms.

He huffed and walked away, leaving her to fume on the couch.

Even though he had told her not to move, she got up and went into the kitchen. She poured herself some coffee and waited, leaning against the counter and watching him pace and snap at the woman on the phone.

"Alright!" He yelled suddenly, his voice letting her know that he had already lost whatever little patience he'd had, "just shut the fuck up already, I'm coming"

He ended the call and stashed the phone in his pocket, stomping up to Calli and taking the mug from her hands before grabbing her neck and leaning her backwards over the countertop.

"Thought i told you not to move" he said through gritted teeth.

She put her hand up to his and he relaxed his grip enough for her to speak.

"Thought i told you to fuck me" she countered, raising her eyebrow and coughing out laughter when he let go of her.

"Walter needs me"

"Walters got a pretty voice" Calli mumbled under her breath

"What was that peaches?"

"Nothing"

"S'what i thought"

He stomped over to the door, throwing his camouflage coat on as he did, and stepped into his unlaced boots.

"Are you guna be gone long?" She asked, the disappointment evident in her voice.

He was already irritated. He didn't need Calli whining at him.

"Dunno" he snapped at her "Carmen says she needs my help, might take a while"

He said it because he knew it would piss her off. He had fucked Carmen before, a couple of times actually when he'd been too drunk to drive home, and Calli hated her because of it. She was the bar keep when Walter wasn't around, and she lived in the motel on the same lot. She wasn't really his type, too self-sufficient for his liking, but he still used her to make Calli jealous. She always struggled more when she was pissed at him.

"Well, i might not be here when you get back" he heard her say

He was sitting on a stool by the door, lacing his boots up, but he stopped. He stood and paced slowly towards her, avoiding the spots in the floor he knew would creak so she that wouldn't hear him coming.

"Oh yeah?" he asked. It wasn't really a question, he was just giving her the opportunity to take it back. She was only going to get one chance, and she was lucky he'd even given her that.

She jumped, not having expected him to be standing there when she turned, and tried to back track.

"I just, i might go home and hang out with Anne or something, there's no reason for me to be here if you're not"

"You are home" he told her sternly "thought we discussed that already"

He watched her struggle not to roll her eyes. He knew 'Discussed' was a generous way to put the conversation they had had about her leaving before he wanted her to, but he didnt really care. He had basically told her that she couldn't, and she hadn't really had a say. So if him telling her she wasn't allowed to leave was a discussion, then yeah, they had 'discussed' it.

He watched her carefully, seeing into her head as the gears shifted.

"Fine" she'd said "ill stay"

He knew she was lying.

"Where ar'yer car keys?" He snapped at her, turning to head back to the door where she'd probably left them.

"Mac!" She was close behind him but it didn't matter, it wasn't like she could stop him or anything. "Mac, don't, what if there's an emergency"

He fished around in her coat pocket until he found them, dangling them in front of her before flipping them up into his fist and tucking them in his own jacket.

"Guess ill see you when i get back" he smirked at her.

"Fine" she spat again, arms crossed and jaw set.

He narrowed his eyes down at her, trying to figure out what her plan was. Then, because he didn't trust her not to do something stupid just to piss him off, he picked up her shoes and tucked them under his arm.

"Mac, c'mon, I'm not going anywhere you don't have to - "

He shut her up but crashing his lips against hers, his hand already on the door knob behind him.

"Be good" he told her firmly, holding her cheek so that she had to let him look at her "say it"

"Ill be good" she sighed, her eyes looking everywhere except into his.

He searched her face as she avoided eye contact, deciding he still didn't buy it.

In the end he had just taken her with him, telling her she could drink at the bar while she waited for him to be done. He wouldn't admit it but he didn't want to risk getting separated from her, and some part of him knew the roads would be flooded soon. They could just sleep in the motel if they had to, as long as was with her he didn't really care where he was.

They ran for the cover of the porch when they got there; it had been raining so hard it hurt.

"So whats the big goddamn emergency" he barked at Carmen when they arrived. He pushed Calli over towards a bar stool, telling her to help herself.

"The Genny's" Carmen told him, shrinking slightly in his presence, "they ran out of gas and i couldn't get them restarted"

It wasn't the Carmon was scared of him. She was older than him, and had been in some rough situations in life. Mac didn't care about that when he fucked her though, she was still hot. She could definitely take care of herself too, that was the only reason Walter felt okay leaving her in charge of the bar and his lucrative side business. She respected Mac's authority but she wasn't really that afraid of him.

It was more that Mac's personality required so much fuel. You couldn't be near him and not give part of your energy away. He absorbed it, stealing it somehow and getting off on it. He was a wild animal fucking around with the nearby villagers just because he could; the rogue tiger that gets a taste for human flesh and starts stealing them right from their beds. The kind that gets dubbed 'a man eater'. People told legends about and gathered into groups to hunt it at night when it wouldn't stop killing for fun.

He was deranged like that tiger, a total freak of nature.

Mac had rolled his eyes and left Carmen standing there. He unlocked the back room and let himself in, annoyed that Walter wouldn't just come down here and do it himself. He noticed he didn't make golden boy come down here and do any heavy lifting, then again Devon was probably too busy drugging their half sister so he could fuck her anyways.

The smell of the drying marijuana in the cramped space gave him an instant headache and he felt his agitation grow. He didn't know why Walter insisted on drying it here but he knew that it irritated him. The back of the bar wasn't the ideal spot in his mind. Besides the fact that the ventilation sucked, anyone could find it. Mac figured it had to do with the majority of the local law enforcement being in his fathers pocket but still, what about the drunks?

He got to work right away, refueling the Genny and then starting both of the dehumidifiers back up. After he had emptied the partially filled trays from each of them, he stood in the center and gave everything a final glance over. The room roared with sudden mechanical life, and for whatever reason, he stayed to enjoy it for a moment. He had grown up in garages and make-shift work spaces, loud noises and the stinging smell of grease were like the comforts of home to him.

"Are you ready?"

He turned. He wasn't in the bar anymore, he was in some small mom and pop store in the hills of Northern California. The only thing that was the same was Calli. She had both arms laced through the handles of the basket, trying to support its weight while she stood there waiting for him to answer her.

He reached out and took it from her, carrying it easily in one hand up to the register.

"Is there anyplace to get lunch around here?" He asked her after she'd jotted down the numbers to Martins account for the teller "you should eat sumthin"

"I had a bagel" she grumbled as they walked back to truck.

"S'not enough" he scoffed at her "sides it aint ya im worried 'bout, I wanna feed mah kid"


	7. Chapter 7

I did my best to act resentful as i gave him directions to the closest diner. Secretly though, i was delighted. The thought of him wanting to make sure the baby was fed gave me a strange kind of rush, almost like my blood was carbonated.

'See' my inner dialog piped up, 'he cares, this could work, this could - '

I spoke out loud to drown it out, saying the first thing that came into my head.

"Hey I actually don't have any cash on me" I told him as he pulled into the diners parking lot, "is it okay if i borrow twenty bucks until we get back?"

As soon as i said it i realized my mistake. By then of course, it was already too late.

"Sure" he snorted at me, cutting the wheel hard and then killing the engine, "ill just add it to the tab of the fucking hundreds ya owe me"

I could feel my face getting hot. It wasn't that i had forgotten the fact that I'd stolen from him, it was always in the back of my head, waking me up in the dead of the night. It was just that i had been too distracted to consider the fact that bringing it up was probably not a great idea.

The atmosphere in the cab of the truck darkened. It was as if his mood had covered the very sun.

"Thought I fergot 'bout that didja?" His voice rolled like distant, powerful thunder.

"I can - "

"Don't worry peaches" he leaned over me to pop my door open and I could feel the steady pulse of electricity coming off him. "you n i kin figure out a way fer you ta pay me back later"

"Mac, I - "

"C'mon"

I followed him inside, groaning inwardly at the awkwardness of the situation. One of the waitresses led us to a booth, handing us two menus and quickly retreating. I didn't blame her. Everything about Mac seemed hard and unforgiving at the moment, he practically radiated tension and impending violence.

I opened the menu to hide behind and Mac started to snicker. It wasn't the sound of honest laughter though, it sounded mechanical and calculating. It put all of my nerves on edge.

"Don' know why you even look at it" he scoffed at me, leaving his own folded up on the table between us, "ya always get the same damn thing"

"Maybe i want something different this time"

"Whatever"

The waitress came back with waters and set them down in front of us. I was busy tapping my straw out of its flimsy paper jacket when Mac spoke up to order.

"Imma have a bacon cheese burger. Cheddar, Medium rare, onion rings. The girls gunna have chicken tenders and fries"

I stared up at her, momentarily caught off guard, but didn't offer any kind of correction. He was right after all, it was what i had planned on ordering. She collected the menus and left, leaving me alone with him again.

"See" he sneered, leaning towards me "I knew it"

"Fine, you were right, happy?"

"I'm fuckin' tickled" he grunted "whudda i win"

I stared at him, feeling each second fully as it passed. I knew he was expecting me to say 'what do you want' in response, but i hesitated. It was the phrase i had answered with so many times in the past, but i wasn't sure i wanted to give him to opportunity to tell me what he wanted. I was afraid of what I'd do.

He let the moment pass. I picked at my hands in my lap, feeling his eyes on me but unwilling to meet them.

"When ar'ya guna ask me about Cat?" He said after a moment, his voice different somehow, softer almost.

I brought my eyes up, taken completely by surprise.

"You still have him?"

He nodded, his elbows propped up on the table and his hands laced together in front of his mouth.

"I thought you would have ... "

"Whut? Killed him?"

I shrugged but didn't say anything, maintaining eye contact and trying to read his face.

"Thought about it" he admitted, leaning back and stretching his arms out wide to drape across the back of the booth, "kinda like the lil twerp though. 'Sides, it aint his fault ya abandoned him"

" i didn't - "

I suddenly felt like i was going to burst out crying. Poor Cat, he had only been a kitten when I'd left. It wasn't even that i had wanted to leave him behind, i just hadn't been thinking clearly. I had hardly even had the foresight to bring my own clothes, much less the cat. Thats what happened to me when i acted on instinct, a pure flight or fight response. I'd already been in Nevada by the time my brain cleared enough to even consider the fact that I should have brought him. By then though, there was no going back.

"Where is he?" I asked, trying to swallow the tears that held my voice hostage.

"He's safe"

"You didn't leave him with Devon did you?"

"Fuck no" he snorted "aint stupid. I got my new girl watching 'em"

Time slowed as his words sank in, and the jealousy struck me hard in the chest. It was like getting hit unexpectedly right at the apex of your rib cage with a battering ram. I couldn't stop myself from asking who.

He smiled at me like a wolf before he answered, leaning forward again and flattening his palms against on the table. He was all blood and sharp teeth inside that smile, and it gave me the distinct impression that i was being hunted.

"Anne"

The room around me began to spin and dip as my vision tunneled. My throat suddenly ended at the back of my mouth and I couldnt swallow the ache forming there.

"My roommate?" I heard myself ask, feeling dizzy and out of my body.

"My roommate now" he told me, raising his eyes brows and flicking his eyes back and forth over my face. He was gauging my reaction but also feeding off of it. Hell, he was practically basking in it.

"But why would she - " i stammered, trying to find the right words "what about - "

"You?" He asked, pausing long enough to let me nod, "You weren't there now were ya peaches?"

I felt my face twisting and i struggled to hang on to the image of him as it blurred in front of me. I could tell he was still smirking though, he was glad i was upset.

I got up from the booth out of pure reflex, a visceral reaction i didn't try to fight. Mac caught my wrist when i tried to go past him.

"Let. go." i grit out, trying to pull my arm free. My heart was hammering and my blood was an angry, rushing river, "I'm going to the bathroom. Do you want to follow me there too?"

I could feel my pulse beneath his fingers as he began to squeeze me harder. Then he let me go and slouched back in his seat, clearly bored that i was leaving.

I stormed into the restroom, barely making it into a stall before the hot, angry tears began to fall. I hated him. I knew now that he had only brought up Cat to make me guilty. That, and he needed a clever way to segway into the fact that he was fucking my old roommate. Everything he said and did was on purpose, he knew just how to hurt me.

I couldn't stand the thought of him with her, and it pissed me off that she would betray me like that. She knew he was the reason i had left. She didn't know about the baby, but i had called her from the border and she had heard how desperate I sounded over the phone.

"Where are you going?" She had asked

"California" i said, watching the sun rise from the gas station i had stopped at. I was calling her from a payphone because I hadn't brought my cell with me. I was too afraid he could track me with it somehow.

"I've got some old friends I'm going to find. ill call you again when i get there, i just didn't want you to think something had happened to me"

"yeah but, Cal" she had sighed, "did something happen?"

"I just had to leave" i told her, starting to cry into the phone and hoping no one could see me "please don't tell him"

"i wont Calli jeez, Mac doesn't even know i exist"

"but if he comes looking" i had said, wiping my eyes and clearing my throat "don't tell him"

I could still hear her promising me that she wouldn't.

'liar', i wanted to say to her now, 'traitor'.

I rubbed at my face. I knew he was doing this shit because he wanted to isolate me. That was the best way to convince me i didn't have anyone i could trust, the best way to drive me back to him. I needed to keep my wits about me. He wanted a reaction from me and i was determined to defy him. It was the mental hold over me that got him off the most, and this time i wasn't going to let him have it.

I squeezed my eyes shut and pressed the back of my wrist up to my lips, trying to stifle the emotion the new information had stirred up in me. I swallowed several times, attempting to force it all back down and then i slowly let my other hand drift over my body. I let it find the curve of my belly and i willed myself to focus.

I must have something he wants for him to act this way, and if he were going to hurt me he would have done it by now. I let those thoughts solidify into my bones, strengthening them. If he wanted me and the kid he was going to have a figure out a way to do it without being physical, and at the very least that bought me time.

I could do this. I could be brave.

"fuck him" i whispered down to the baby in my belly. And then, when the moment didn't feel quite concluded, i added one more thing. It was a lullaby of sorts, something my brother used to whisper to me on nights we could hear our father beating the shit out of our mother. "ill watch you sleep, ill keep you safe"

XxXxXxX

The waitress brought the food while Calli was still in the bathroom, and Mac started eating without her. When she came back to the table, composed and stone faced, he realized that he had to stop letting her get away to console herself. He had gotten the reaction he'd wanted from telling her he was fucking her old roommate, but she had recovered too quickly for him to really enjoy it.

She ate everything in front of her, and he ordered her a milkshake afterwards even though she insisted she didn't want it. Despite what she said he knew she would drink it though, and when he paid up at the front he could see her scooping what was left of it out of the bottom of the glass.

It gave him a weird, new kind of pleasure to feed her, and he made a mental note to keep track of what she ate from here on out.

He drove them back to the house and carried the groceries inside for her, ignoring the urge to slap her ass when she walked in front of him to hold the door.

Lucy was trimming at the kitchen table, along with the two other workers he had met at the bonfire after Calli had fled him. He couldn't remember their names but he didn't think it mattered much, they were both quiet and uninteresting to him.

"You're back!" Lucy exclaimed

"Just had to drop the girl off" he said, taking a step back when Lucy threw her arms around him "gada git going"

"Oh no" she whined "you cant stay?"

He took her arms from around her neck and then shoved his hands in his pockets, leaning forward to let her kiss him but smiling afterwards with his lips tightly closed.

"Ill see ya later" he told her "got stuff ta do"

He turned quick on his feet and left, knowing that if he looked at Calli to tell her goodbye he wouldn't be able to leave.

XxXxXxX

I watched Mac leave the kitchen, waiting for the sound of his truck and the spin of the gravel before i let myself fully relax. It felt like i hadn't been breathing since we had left the diner. I was just waiting for him to open his mouth and tell me he wasn't taking me back to the house, that i wasn't going anywhere.

I could picture it easily if i tried. After all, it had happened before.

Him, standing tall in front of his bedroom door, his feet shoulder width apart. He had caught my biceps each time i tried to rush him, tiring me out by repeatedly shoving me backwards and making me work to stay on my feet. Once he had sufficiently winded me, he moved in for the kill, every bit a predator when he stalked towards me.

"I'm sick of yer goddamn mouth Calliope" he said, grabbing me and throwing me as hard as he could so I would finally fall, "its about time you learned ta mind me"

He was mad that i had gone to the luna mesa without him. We had been fighting about him fucking other women and I had gone out with Anne to take my mind off it. Macs friends had been at the bar though, and after they'd called to tell him that i had the nerve to be there unsupervised, he had come out to personally collect me.

Walter had tried to defend me, yelling at him to leave as soon as he burst through the door, but it hadn't mattered. It had been clear from the way he came towards me that i was in for it. He had acted like i was the only person in the room.

After he had slung me over his shoulder and hauled me outside to his truck, we began a screaming match that lasted entire way home. By the time he fishtailed to a stop in front of his house he had already slapped me hard enough to draw blood.

The sound of my scream had vibrated up through my chest when he drug me out by my hair, deafening us both and making him curse.

"Shut the fuck up!" He had hollered, kicking my ribs hard to emphasis his point "unless you wan' me ta fuck that priddy little mouth a yers 'till its raw, i suggest you keep it fucking shut"

He found a better grip on the roots of my hair and pulled me behind him towards the house, ignoring my cries when i couldn't get my feet under me fast enough to prevent skinning my knees on the porch steps.

Then he began the pushing and the taunting, maneuvering me towards the bedroom and using his body to block my exit.

"Shoulda fuckin' done this a long time ago" he had muttered while standing above me. His hands were at his belt, undoing it casually while i struggled to crab walk away "you've had this comin' to ya fer a while now darlin'"

I was exhausted from having fought him so hard in the car and front rooms of the house. I thought i was just going to end up in the closet again, so i had given it everything i had. Now i realized my error though, and i was powerless to stop him when he drug me up by me elbow and threw me across his lap.

He had bent the belt in half before he gathered me, and now he used the hand not wielding it to hold my wrists together at the base of my spine. Then he started hitting me, keeping my hands above the area i was trying to shield and holding me easily while i struggled.

I screamed and bucked as he beat me, trying to knock my weight off his lap but unable to loosen his hold on my wrists. Every time i shifted off he just sunk his fingers into my hip and drug me back. After a while he hiked my dress up and pulled my underwear up between my ass cheeks, slapping the belt hard across my bare skin.

I could feel his dick pressing up against my stomach as i spasmed and bounced over his thighs. I was begging him to stop. I was telling him i would do anything, if only he would just stop. I said it over and over. He answered me by pushing me off of him and letting me crumple at his feet.

"Get on yer knees"

I scrambled to do what he said, kneeling in front of him and pulling at his jeans when he lifted his hips to remove them. I knew what he wanted but it didn't matter, he was just going to keep on hurting me. He grabbed his dick in one hand and the back of my head in the other, crushing me against his lap and making me gag.

"Open yer goddamn mouth girl" he told me through gritted teeth "I wanna feel my dick at the very back of it"

I felt the serpent in my belly rising up, fully awake now, and stretching out to flood my throat. My body convulsed, trying to dislodge whatever was blocking its air supply but Mac only laughed.

"Fuckin' choke on it" he spat down at me, holding me still while i struggled to breathe "i wan you ta remember what this feels like. Toldja whut would happen if ya didn't keep it shut now didn't i?"

I started coughing, gasping for the smallest amount of air as the world dimmed. Suddenly i felt something hitting my back and heard someone calling my name through layers of water. I coughed again, clearing my throat and blinking my eyes several times. My breath rushed back into my lungs. My vision cleared.

I was in the kitchen, my hands twisted up in the grocery bags i had been unloading, and Lucy was pounding her palm against my back.

"Calli!" She was saying, "Calli are you okay?"

XxXxXxXxX

 **sorry this took so long to update! Let me know what you think :) it always helps to know people are still interested and want to keep reading**


	8. Chapter 8

Mac drove back to the country store, remembering the route easily even though he had only been there once. He had always been good at directions; once he was physically in a place he was always able to find his way back to it.

The opposite was true for Calli, she had no geographical sense whatsoever. Mac had always liked how helpless she was when it came to finding her way home, and if he didn't correct her she would always take off in the wrong direction. Every time they left a party or a clients house she would just fall in step with him, blindly letting him lead her anywhere. He had noticed she never paid attention to street signs or landmarks when he drove either, and he marveled sometimes about what a perfect victim she would have been for him.

He wouldn't kill her now of course, he liked her too much. But sometimes he would take detours on their way to and from places, timing how long it took her to realize something was off and question him about it.

There were usually on some unpaved, sand-packed road by that point, and Mac could never resist flicking his pocket knife open just to watch her jump at the sound.

"What are you going to do with that?" She would ask

"Depends on how well you listen"

He shook himself back to reality. He needed to focus. He was already sitting in the parking lot with the engine turned off but had no recollection of making the turns necessary to arrive.

Her sat in the truck on the phone for a while before he went into the store, smoking cigarettes and making the arrangements to get whatever cash he needed put into his account. It had been annoying at first but now it was proving useful to have spent so much time on Anne in the months after Calli had left. Training a new submissive was a good way to distract him from the negative emotions that he felt, and hurting her had been cathartic for his own pain.

He had made her his personal project, and he spent hours with her each day to expedite her progress. The tactics had all been the same. He had to break her apart into pieces, then he could rebuild her into the shape he preferred.

Luring her to the house had been simple, all he had to do was go get her. She wanted his dick bad at first, and she didn't realize she had made a mistake until he tied her to the bed and left her there. It hadn't even been difficult to dismiss her disappearance in the months afterwards if people asked him about it. He'd destroyed her cell phone so it couldn't be traced, and he insisted to anyone who asked that she must have run off with Calli.

He kept her strung out on sex and denied her food and sunlight, keeping her in the windowless basement. He only ever let her get off the bed to use the toilet, and he would wash her himself so she got used to her body belonging to him. Then he would stay away for a few days to deny her the only comfort she had left, human company, until her mind began to warp and splinter. The fear she expressed when she saw him came to be replaced with a weird kind of excitement.

If he had to kick the shit out of her he would always stay to comfort her afterwards, rubbing lotion on the welts his belt had created and whispering to her. He knew what he was doing, and he was good at her convincing her she needed him, that he took good care of her. She would ignore how he'd starved her for three days and instead assign him the role of savior when he let her eat whatever he hadn't finished at his own dinner. He systematically and purposefully ruined her mind, it was beautiful.

Towards the end of the second month he had already brought her up from the basement to free range around the house, and by the beginning of the fourth month she was even allowed to leave and partially return to her life. Mac trusted her to lie for him, to defend him even when he wasn't around to intimidate her. He had really done a number on this one. Even now, hundreds of miles away, he still had control over her. She would do just what he told her to without even asking why.

The thought made him smile. He liked controlling women. The mind games they all played into were almost as good as the actual strength aspect of it. Mac had always liked to fight. The tension of his muscles engaging, the burn in his forearms as he worked them, had been an itch that constantly needed scratched. None of the women were a match for him physically, but it gave him a rush knowing how badly he could hurt them if he ever wanted to.

He liked watching their eyes get wide with fear when he went towards them. Usually it was after they disobeyed him and knew what they were in for, but sometimes women just had the sense to be natural afraid of him. There had been so many times when he had gotten girls to do whatever he wanted them to, all because he frightened them. All he had to do was threaten them and they gave in. The mind, he had discovered, was his favorite thing to fuck.

He got out of the truck and went towards the store. All this recollection was making it hard to concentrate on his task at hand, and he needed to get the ball rolling on the next stage of his plan before Calli got spooked and jumped ship.

XxXxXxXxX

"Jesus Calli, what the fuck was that?"

I was standing at the sink gulping water. Lucy and Bonnie were both behind me, asking me over and over if i was alright. I wanted to turn and tell them what a stupid question it was, to ask if someone was alright when they clearly weren't, but i resisted. It made me miss my brother suddenly. I knew if he could see me now he would shake his head in disbelief at the wilting leaf I'd become. He would probably tell me he raised me to be tougher than this, to square my chin and to take a swing already. That's why i was so pissed when he died; he took all my courage with him.

"I'm fine" I told them, "i was having a panic attack" I refilled the glass and continued chugging it, wiping my mouth with my wrist when i was finished and finally turning to face them.

"Just a panic attack" i repeated.

I tried on a smile, just to see if it fit, and felt my brother kips disdain for me creeping in again. He would have laughed out loud to see me try and fake it like this; maybe he wouldn't have even believed it. Kip wasn't used to me doing anything except spreading my feet shoulder width apart and bending my knees when faced with a challenge. He had taught me how to fight when we still just little, and he kept at it as we grew up together. We sparred weekly in the backyard, bloody noses and the occasional broken bone making whoever was in charge of us roll their eyes.

"I want ya to be able to take care of yourself little sis" he would explain to me as he helped me up from another tackle "just in case"

"Like you'd ever let me out of your sight" i sneered back, taking his body posture as a sign he was distracted and ramming my fist into his kidneys.

We had always been connected on a level that no one else understood. People tried to label it as 'inappropriate' but that didn't bother us. We slept in the same bed because thats the only way either of us could sleep. When i woke up to him fucking his girlfriend beside me i didn't get all turned on and try to join in. I either hollered for them to knock it off or surrendered and went and got in the shower.

We were all each other had growing up, especially after our dad split and our mom started doing whatever awful business she could to keep the drugs coming in. Kip and i had run away together, lied our way out of foster homes, and taken to traveling when mom finally ran herself into the ground.

My best memories were with kip.

I knew the very moment he died. It woke me up from a total sleep, i could just tell he wasn't there anymore and my heart reacted.

i found him next to me with a needle hanging out of his stiffening arm.

Just, see you later, see you never.

Thinking back on it was impossible. I couldn't remember the first few moments after realizing he was just a body. Or, maybe I could but it was an incomplete recording. Images flashed in my head but they weren't in order and there wasn't any sound. The picture always flickered. The one thing I could remember without fail was how sore my throat had been from screaming, the raw vibration it had left rattling around in my empty chest.

I pressed her palms against her temples and tried to shake the memory of the following days as they came flooding back. The wandering sadness, dipping the police, ignoring mutual friends, missing the funeral...

Luckily, Lucy took it as yet another sign of my frayed nerves, and didn't ask me anymore questions. Instead, she perked up.

"Ooo, i know what you need" she said practically bouncing with excitement

"Oh yeah? What's that?"

She scampered back to the table, retrieving her purse and then digging through it as she came towards me.

"Here" she said, producing an orange vial "take these"

"No Luce, its okay,I - "

She held her hand out to me and rolled her eyes.

"Oh c'mon Calli, just take them, don't be such a prude"

I let her give them to me. I could just throw them away later.

"What are they?"

"Xanax" she shrugged "i stole 'em from my mom"

Bonnie had already gone back to the table to keep trimming so i thanked Lucy and pocketed the pills.

"What are you guys working on?" I asked, trying to change the subject.

"Well i know this is going to seem crazy" Lucy began, gesturing towards the table swamped with weed trays and paper bags "but we're working on blue dream"

I laughed and rolled my eyes. It was a running joke between the four of us, the constant supply of blue dream there was to trim. It was a prolific plant to say the least. Grabbing an unoccupied tray and heaping a few stems onto it, I settled in beside Lucy.

"Want to talk about my incredible sex life?" She asked, arching her brow at me.

"Maybe later" i said breathlessly, my mind still swamped with memories of Kip. I didn't need Mac wading into the shit show going on inside my head right now.

"How about some murder and mayhem then?" Marcus asked, his voice startling me like it always did. The guy hardly talked, and it was easy to forget what his voice sounded like. Each time he spoke it was like there was suddenly a stranger in the room.

He turned up the volume on his phone so i could hear the boys from 'last podcast on the left' coming clearer through the speakers.

"That is actually perfect" i told him

XxXxXxXxXx

After dinner, the four of us sat working at the kitchen table again. It wasn't until Mac called Lucy to tell her he was coming back, that i started making the preparations to excuse myself. I put my work away first, sealing it in a five gallon bucket and shoving it under the table. Then i set about cleaning the kitchen so it wouldn't be a mess in case Martin came back in the morning.

I rushed through it all, hoping to be out of here by the time he arrived, but i heard his truck pull up just as i was loading the last of the dishes into the machine.

Cursing my luck, i headed towards the door where I'd left my shoes, hoping maybe i could still pass him in the darkness of the lawn where i wouldn't have to see him.

"Hey you should take those pills!" Lucy called after me "they'll help you sleep"

I was busy jamming my feet into my still laced shoes when i heard the distinct growl of my former keeper coming from just beyond the screen door.

"What pills" he asked in a low voice

"It's nothing, don't worry about it" i told him. Then, to sabotage whatever time he thought he had with me here, i added "Lucy! your boyfriends here!"

I could hear the groan he tried to suppress when she squealed from all the way back in the kitchen.

"This aint over" he mumbled as he pushed the screen in to go past me

I fled as soon as his back was to me, racing down the stairs and bursting out into the wide open expanse of the front lawn. It was dark and endless seeming, the porch light illuminating a small half circle of light and then tapering off into more and more shadow.

I found my way back to my tent and crawled inside, barely stripping off my socks before i fell into a deep sleep.

XxXxXxXx

"Your tears are so pretty Calliope" Mac whispered. He sounded so small and gentle when he used that tone of voice, but i knew better. He was standing behind me. I couldn't see him but all my other senses were overwhelmed by him.

I could _feel_ his breath on the back of my neck, hot and humid against my electric skin. He was pinching one of my nipples to make me gasp, eager to take advantage of my open mouth.

I could _taste_ his fingers as he force fed them to me. He was rubbing and stroking them against my tongue, then pressing them deep to make me gag.

I could _hear_ him explaining what he wanted to do to me in detail, and the sound of his husky chuckle when i began to struggle.

And i could _smell_ him; a mixture of whiskey, motor oil and sex. The scent of his arousal had a terrifying quality to it, a kind of raw power you knew was going to hurt but still couldn't resist.

His fingers were salty and tangy in my mouth. He hooked them as deep as he could and then held me against him while i choked, riding my body's spasms with his hips.

Then, without warning, he released me. I collapsed, having not realized it had been him holding me up. I was coughing and gasping as he stood above me, too weak to defend myself when he nudged me with his boot to make me roll onto my back.

He did it again, digging his steel toe into my ribs and rolling me onto my stomach.

"Git yer ass up in the air"

Still wheezing, I gathered my knees beneath me and arched my hips towards him.

"Higher" he grunted

I could hear the sound of him undoing his belt. I didn't know if it was to beat me with it or just free his dick so he could fuck me. The sound of the metal tinkling as it opened was its own kind of torture.

When he dropped to his knees i relaxed a little; If he had been going to whip me he would have stayed on his feet. He looped the belt around my neck and pulled so that i had to come up on all fours to be able to breathe.

"Beg"

"Please Mac"

He made me suck his fingers one more time, forcing them as deep as he could and making my eyes water. Then he moved them behind me again, slowly sliding them between my ass cheeks and pushing gently. I froze, becoming stiff, and he laughed. He made a shushing sound with his mouth and moved his fingers slowly in a circle, alternatively pressing them into me as i relaxed.

"Go on" he encouraged , tightening the leather strap around his fist and making it bite into my skin "you know how much i like it when ask me nice"

"Please fuck me Mac"

"Where?" He immediately countered "where do'ya wan my dick?"

"In my ass" i gasped, "please fuck my ass"

He was pressing one of his fingers all the way in to the first knuckle now, and he slowly started to move it in and out. Then it was gone and so was the tension at my throat. He used his hands to gather mine up, wrenching my arms behind my back and pushing me flat onto my face.

"Since i know how much you like ta fight" he grunted "better get a good grip on ya now"

I could feel the texture of the rope as he wound it around my wrists, pulling it tight enough to make me wince when he knotted it. By the numbness in my fingertips I knew I'd lose sensation in my hands soon. I think that was part of it for him.

"Now tell me where" he grunted, his voice louder somehow, much closer than it had been.

"In my - wait, What?"

I was in my tent, the nylon of my sleeping bag smooth against my face as he pulled me backwards by my hips. My wrists were bound together at my lower back when i tried to jerk them forward, tied so tight i knew id lose circulation soon.

"The pills, you dumb bitch, whad ya do with 'em?"

"What are you - "

He flipped me over onto my back and drug me beneath him. I gasped as my weight landed on my wrists, fighting against him even though it was easy for him to pin me. I could even feel his feet hooking behind my ankles, a wrestling move he called "the honeymoon ride".

"The pills Lucy gave ya"

"Oh" i winced, still trying to get the pressure off my bound wrists, "those"

"If ya dont give 'em ta me right now then imma shove these fingers down yer throat till ya cough 'em back up"

"Mac - "

He snaked two of his thick digits past my lips when i opened them to speak, and now he pressed down on the back of my tongue to emphasis his point. I tried to talk around his fingers but he only pushed deeper. I couldn't beat him off and my body started to buck as i panicked. My eyes got wide as I felt my chest start to contract and heave.

He released me right as the cough erupted from me, and i turned my head to the side in case i did indeed throw up.

"Give 'em ta me"

I was still sputtering from the induced gag but was able to motion to my pockets. He slapped me hard enough to knock my head to the side, then dug roughly through them until he found what he was looking for. He sat back on his heels.

"This all of 'em?" He asked, his shape massive in the confines of my tent.

"Yes"

"It had better be"

I watched him clap the pills into his own mouth and dry swallow them. Then he flipped me back onto my stomach to cut the rope off.

"Don't take any more drugs from her Calli"

"Okay"

"Okay what?"

"Okay _sir_ " i spat the last word, disgusted with myself, but he seemed satisfied. I heard him moving backwards out of my space, the tent rustling as he tried to fit his bulk through it.

He paused outside of the door. I saw the glow of his zippo as he lit a cigarette. He was all boots and worn carhartts.

"I can still fuck yer ass real quick if ya wan darlin'" he snickered "aint that what you were dreamin' bout me doing jus now?"

He crouched down. His face was obscured by the rising smoke he exhaled. He looked like the devil who had come to collect a debt.

"Fuck off" i spat at him

"Now, now" he tsked me, his voice struggling to break through the texture of his throat "that aint nice"

In the flash he had shot an arm out and grabbed my ankle, dragging me back towards him and digging his other hand into my thigh to help pull. I opened my mouth to scream but he had already pinned me beneath him again, covering my face and pressing it into the floor to keep me from making any sound.

"What do bad girls get?"

I shook my head from behind his palm.

"C'mon" he coaxed me "tell me what they get"

I knew what he wanted me to say. I felt his fingers digging into the waistband of my pants and dragging them down. My struggles intensified and he started to laugh.

"Tell me what bad girls get and i wont hit ya"

I muffled my response and he loosened his grip on my mouth enough to hear me speak.

"Punished" i repeated

"That's right"

He clamped his hand back over my mouth right as he pressed the tip of his cigarette into my ass cheek. I screamed and tried to throw him off with my entire body. I heard the way he moaned as he felt me move and struggle against him. I knew he got off on my pain, but the sounds he made in chorus with my screams still surprised me every time.

He held me against him until i went limp, then he kissed me behind my ear and rubbed his hands over my body, soothing me. I breathed out a ragged exhale, refusing to cry, and he held me tightly when i tried to twist free of him.

"Be a good girl for me" he whispered, his voice lulling me back into an easy sleep "Don't make me hurt you Calli"

Somewhere in my mind, i knew the words sounded off. It didn't really matter what he was saying though, it was just the way he said it. I was like a dog letting the person who had just kicked it pet its head, desperate for its approval and the safety of its arms.

For once though, i didn't fight how good it felt to be trapped with him. I just let his soft voice and gentle hands put me back under.

XxXxXxXxXx

 **sorry this took so long! I am going to try and schedule my days better so i have more free time to write :) thank you to everyone who left a review! It means so much to me just to know you're out there and you're enjoying this.**

 **leave me some love to get me going on the next chapter! I know where its headed but not how it getting there.**

 **thanks everyone :)**


	9. Chapter 9

I woke up on my own during the pale blue approach of morning. I yawned and rolled onto my back, immediately rewarded with a sharp pain on my left ass cheek. I squirmed and grabbed the back of my pants to open them and see the damage. The burn was an imperfect circle, a reddening sphere with the sheen of a blister already forming.

"Fucking perfect" i muttered.

I moved on my belly to the far side of my tent, then dug through my bag until i found my first aid kit. There wasn't much i could do besides disinfect it and tape gauze over it, so after i had gently changed my clothes i crawled out

The mist hadn't risen off the ground yet, and i zipped my hoodie against the slight chill as i made my way towards the house. Dew licked at my ankles as i went. The porch was quiet and i could tell from the stillness of the house that i was the only one up and moving around. Even Marcus, who barely made any noise, still stirred the air up when he walked through a room. I sat on the bottom step and contemplated my options, wincing when i felt the burn there. The blister was in such an awful spot, obviously carefully chosen by him so that I wouldn't be able to ignore it.

If i was brave i could go in and start the coffee pot, maybe even hide in the bathroom or my tent until it was done. The thought of hiding made my shoulders come up near my ears in one of those weird shivers though. I didn't want to hide from him. It felt wrong instantly.

Fuck.

He was getting to me in that way that only he could. I could feel that slight itch starting in my pelvis, knowing it would soon grow to an insatiable need for friction between my legs. I pressed my thighs tightly together and rocked on the steps, trying to relieve it. Being near him like this was proving to be harder than getting away from him.

The time I'd been apart from him had been spent remembering the harsh memories that would help me stay gone. I conjured up recollections of him punching me hard in my kidneys so that i was easier to throw into the closest. I spent hours remembering every name he'd called me while he did whatever he wanted to my body. I reopened cuts on my hands and wrists that I'd gotten trying to escape out a broken window at his house just so i would see them every time i reached for the phone to call him.

I starved that love.

And yet, it survived. It was here now, with me at the bottom of the steps while his heart beat above me up in the attic. I could feel the ache in me spreading out from my chest and i hung my head, letting it claim me.

I had been so sad when i woke up and he was gone.

I had ignored it immediately of course, shoving it down my throat in the hopes that my stomach acid would dissolve it, but now it bloomed in me like an evil sunflower. When I'd left I'd made myself believe that to see Mac again would be death. I thought of that girl now, constantly checking her rear view for head lights, convinced she was dead each time she saw them behind her. I shuddered, recalling the terror. I had really thought he would kill me if he caught me leaving, so it had been nothing to tap into my survival instinct and turn my inner dialog off.

Now though, my instincts felt no immediate danger and lay dormant. In their place was this stupid human criticism for myself that clouded my judgement. He was here, keeping his distance while he cautiously circled me. He wasn't going to kill me, and the dissolution of the threat ruined my resolve. I didn't want to wake up without him. I didn't want to hide from him. I wanted to slap his broad cheek as hard as i could and then smash my lips against his, feeling what his skull looked liked beneath my fingers as i clung to him and worked my mouth against his.

I could feel his hands on my hips when i pictured us kissing and the itch inside of me deepened. I rocked slightly on the edge of the step, telling myself if was to keep the weight of my burn but at the same time knowing it was to feel the pressure on my clit. The memory spread like water. Me, in his lap on the couch, one of his palms smoothing up my spine while the other dipped down into my pants and grabbed a chunk of my ass. His lips moved to my neck and i pointed my chin up towards the ceiling, raking my fingernails across his scalp. He licked and nibbled at the veins just below my skin, sucking hard down at my collar and feeling for the bone there with the tips of his canines. Smiling, remembering how it'd felt, i found my clavicle in my fingertips and gently squeezed, hoping to recreate the way it felt when he had his mouth there.

"I could eat you alive" his voice was raspy and wet in my head.

Now I was on my back and he was above me. His hips were pressed into mine and he had his arms folded up around my head, brushing the stray strands of hair off my face as he kissed and sucked behind my ear. He had one of his elbows dug in right above my shoulder and when i tried to move he used it as a brace to keep my still.

"Sometimes i think about it" i could feel his lips against my ear. He moved the tip of his tongue up the outer shell of it and my whole body shivered. My arms were up above my head and his hands were tightening on the most narrow part of my wrists "i could just tie you down to my table - "

The sound of the screen door swinging jolted me back to reality. My heart was in my throat and i felt like my cheeks were the color of crimson. It was like i had just been caught masturbating or something. The shame was immediate.

I turned to look over my shoulder, praying it wasn't Mac. Anyone else and i could make up some kind of excuse for being flustered at the bottom of the steps at dawn, but Mac would see right through it.

"Hey Cal"

Oh thank god, it was just Bonnie.

"Hey Bonnie" i said smoothing my hands over my face and twisting my legs together "is there coffee?"

"It's brewing" She walked to the bannister and braced her weight against her forearms as she leaned against it. "I would let you have some but i have plans to take the whole pot upstairs and dump it on that guy Mac's lap"

I choked on the laugh that tried to get out of my throat too quick. Bonnie was quiet like her boyfriend and didn't say much, so it was easy to forget how funny she could be with her dry humor. She usually just sat there like wallpaper.

"Don't get me wrong" she continued, glancing back over her shoulder to make sure we were still alone "I'm impressed by his stamina. But if he doesn't stop fucking her until three in the morning every time he's here then were going to have problems"

The image of Mac's lap being scalded by coffee was quickly replaced with the thought of him fucking Lucy. My happiness disintegrated. If he had come for me then why was he spending so much time with her still ? Had he come for me? That was what he said ...

I stood.

I needed an action to stop the loop.

My head was beginning to become a foggy maze again, and whenever i tried to chase down logic or reason it was always dipping around the corner right in front of me. I couldn't try and figure out Mac's plan, if he even had one, because I couldn't tell what he was after. Every time i tried to corner it in my mind i was only left with more questions.

"Spare me one cup before you do?" I asked Bonnie sweetly

XxXxXxXx

Mac had stayed with Calli until she fell asleep. Then he had rolled slightly to half drag her up onto his chest, tucking her in close to his side and pressing his lips against her forehead. He breathed her in, his nose right at her hair line, intoxicated by the smell of her. The crickets sang outside the flimsy nylon walls and the wind pushed the dome above him as though it were trying to gently nudge the tent awake. Mac was buzzing though, hyper aware of how it felt to be against Calli without having to hold her there. It wasn't that he didn't enjoy the way her muscles tightened beneath his grip, because he did, but sometimes it was nice to feel how soft her tiny body could be. When she slept like this against him, and he didn't have to keep his body tense in case she tried to squirm away, he could truly relax. For the first time in months, Mac felt the knots loosen in his neck and shoulder muscles.

After waiting a while to make sure she was truly asleep, he moved her hand so that it was laying limping on his chest and tightened the arm he had around her shoulders, curling her towards him. He felt his eyelids getting heavy as he lay there with her. He wanted to stay and hold her, but he didn't want to risk falling asleep and being discovered. Not that it would have mattered much anyway, he could still manhandle the situation if he needed to, but he figured this way it was less stress on the baby.

The baby.

His baby.

The prehistoric instinct in him to protect it drove him like a wave towards the shore. It surprised him, how much he cared already.

Kissing her forehead again, breathing in his last deep breath of her, he rolled her back onto her stomach and carefully retreated out of the tent. Once he was out in the night air again he felt a little bit better, more like himself. He lit a cigarette and smirked around it, remembering how he had burned her and how he was going to get to watch her squirm in her seat all day today.

Then, after zipping the tent back up, Mac went back to the house.

XxXxXxXxX

In the end, even though i had cautioned her that it would be a terrible idea, Bonnie settled on a large cup of ice water instead of the coffee.

"The guys dick is obviously something sacred" she explained as she filled the glass at the sink "i don't want to get in trouble for damaging it, i just want to ruin his fucking morning"

I sat at the counter with my mouth open, hands wrapped around the coffee mug that i wasn't even drinking from. I thought of it as my 'decoy' cup. Also, i just wanted the comfort of holding a warm cup of coffee, so thats what i did.

I heard her tiny feet go up the stairs and then even further towards the attic. I listened, half hoping the door wasn't locked so that she could complete her mission. I was in awe of her. Sure, she had no idea who she was fucking with, but i admired her courage just the same. When i heard the door swing open i covered my mouth and bent my head down, trying to keep quiet from two floor beneath them. The ceiling above me creaked as she made her way slowly towards the bed on the far side of the room. There was the sound of a scream, a gruff voice, and then the putter-patter of Bonnie's bare feet as she fled and raced back down the attic staircase. She made it to her room and threw the door shut. I could hear the heavy lock turn from where i sat.

There was commotion from Lucys room, the noises people make when they wake up confused and uncomfortable. Mac figured it out first.

"Goddammit" he growled, his feet slamming onto the floor as he jumped from the bed "where'd ya go ya little shit?"

My eyes got wide and i jumped up from my seat, backing towards the hall that led to the front door with my arms raised as he came tearing down the stairs.

" i didn't - "

"I know it wasn't you" he grunted, looking around to see if Bonnie was with me. The water was still dripping from his hair as he stood there, and he wiped his forehead with the back of his wrist and flicked it at me. He was shirtless and only wearing athletic shorts. The water had run down his stomach and it was making it hard to look away from him. Luckily, he turned and went back to the second floor. I heard him pause outside of Bonnies door as though he were contemplating knocking on it. Instead, the sound of the door frame splintering from the force of him kicking it, rang through the house. Bonnie screamed.

"C'mere"

I went back towards the bottom of the stairs. It was an old house, so the staircase had its own door and was encased in its own little hallway. It had a weird curve towards the top that Martin had said made it almost impossible to move furniture around. Mac hadn't latched the door when he'd gone back up and the tiny space made all the noises echo and amplify. It sounded like they were both falling down towards me, knees and shoulders knocking into every available surface.

When the door burst open again i realized why. Mac had slung Bonnie over his shoulder and she was kicking her legs and flailing her arms, trying to grab hold of anything as he carried her. He went past me towards the bathroom. I heard the plastic rings shimming on the bar as he threw the curtain open, and when the shower turned on it drowned out the sound of Bonnie yelling for him to stop. When she started screaming i raced towards the bathroom, hearing the others on the stairway behind me.

"Mac what are you - "

He had her trapped in the tub as the water poured down on her, keeping her arms length away from him by holding her wrists and locking his elbows.

"She fuckin' started it" he grunted back at me as he struggled to hold her. The room was small enough that when she jerked her arms to try and get free some of the water splashed back at me. It was freezing.

"Jesus Mac"

i reached around his waist to shut the water off. He was laughing as he let go of her, bringing his arms up to protect his face when she swung at him. Eventually she gave up on trying to injure him and stalked off towards the stairs, the cuffs of her pajama pants dripping onto the floor as she went. Marcus followed her, leaving Mac and me alone in the cramped space. We could both hear Lucy in the kitchen getting mugs down from the cabinet.

"Did'ja hafta sleep on yer stomach all night?" Mac asked me, raising his eyebrow suggestively and reaching for me "c'mere lemme see it"

He loved looking at my scars; he used to bite me just so he could run his finger tips over the raised skin when it healed in the shape of his mouth. Thankfully, he was slower than usual without having had his morning cigarette and coffee, so i was able to jump back before he caught me.

"Must be getting slow in your old age" i quipped at him, "better impress the girls now while you can still get it up"

He opened his mouth and put his hand over his chest as though I'd wounded him. I was close enough to the door now that i knew i could beat him there. It was only three steps i needed to take until i was back in the kitchen. I was overconfident as usual though, and when i turned my back on him he reached out and caught me around my middle, dragging me back to him and clamping one hand over my mouth. The other found the gauze on my ass between his fingertips and pinched.

I screamed and clawed at his hand, trying to pry it off of me so i could call out to Lucy but he wouldn't allow it. My feet came off the ground during my struggle as he held me tight against him and rode it out, burying his nose into my hair and breathing my adrenaline in. He dug his fingers in harder, using his thumb nail and twisting until i felt the blister tear. Then he dropped me and pushed passed me to walk into the kitchen, hollering at Lucy to get him a cup of coffee already.

XxXxXxXxX

 **Hey ! I'm so sorry this took so long. It got deleted and it was hard to find the time to write it all over. It's the busiest time of the year at the farm right now and this second pregnancy is really kicking my ass. My husband has been amazing though. The best part is he actually looks like norm and if i ask him to take his shirt off while he works he will : ) mmm**

 **i hope you like it / are still reading ! It's not done yet, ill let you know when its getting close.**

 **Happy spring!**

 **-magz**


	10. Chapter 10

We all trimmed the rest of the afternoon. Lucy kept asking Mac why he was giggling but he just shrugged it off. I knew why though, because he did it every time i tried to get comfortable in my chair, something he had made sure was an impossible feat. Even after i had cleaned and re-bandaged myself the sting persisted now that the blister had torn. I had to settle for perching myself up on one folded leg to get anything close to comfortable. Martin came back in the early evening, and he showered everyone with gifts from the big city. He came in with groceries, craft beer and strains of weed we didn't grow, plopping what he had carried in onto the counter and then turning to face me as he dug through his pocket.

"Here cal, they even had your favorite"

My eyes got wide when i saw the bag of agent orange . It tasted like orange tic-tac's, and it was my personal favorite despite its offensive name. I took it from him without thinking, leaning up into him to wrap my arms around his neck in gratitude. It was only after I had settled back down on my heels did i feel the intense glare coming from Mac off to the side of me. My hands started to sweat around the bag.

"What do you want for dinner?" I asked him, keeping my eyes forward because i knew if i saw the fury in Mac's my knees would buckle.

Martin rubbed his chin as he looked down at his phone and i counted in my head to try and keep from freaking out. I could feel Mac's desire to grab me like an actual heat on my skin. My throat had that familiar ache forming in the hollow at the base of my neck, tightening like his hands would once he got them on me.

"Did you make meatloaf the other night?" He asked

I shook my head. I wanted to talk but i knew I wouldn't be able to. It felt like my eyes were melting and pouring down the back of my throat but Martin didn't notice, he was only seeing my movements in the periphery of his vision.

"Wanna make that?"

I nodded. My breath couldn't go deep into my lungs. It was like Mac was Darth Vader or something, choking me with his mind. Martin finally brought his eyes up.

"Awesome, everyone else come help me unload the rest while Calli puts this away"

I heard feet moving down the hall and Martin curved around me to follow them. I shut my eyes and let my breath out through my vibrating lips. Then, when my my inhale was more like a knife to my chest than a fresh breath of air, i retreated to the bathroom to compose myself. I pushed the door closed but couldn't lock it, ever since Mac had slammed it open to haul Bonnie in here it didn't fit into the frame right. After running the faucet, i cupped my hands beneath the water so it would pool and then splashed it up onto my face. When I stood back up he was already behind me, his face contorting with anger in the mirrors reflection.

If my throat and lungs had been working properly i might have had the time to scream before he covered my mouth. As it were though, he had frozen my vocal cords with the sheer terror his presence instilled in me, especially knowing how mad he was. He spun me and then shifted us so that he could slam me up against the nearest wall. His hands held me so hard at the elbow that tears formed in my eyes, and i gasped when his fingers dug in even further. Here he is, I thought, here's my monster. His mouth was set in a firm line and his jaw was pulsing like a heartbeat as his blue eyes bore into me. I wondered how something so round and wet could look so hard and sharp.

"You ever ask another man what he wants for dinner again Calli and i will fucking kill you" he seethed at me.

His jaw was locked, and only the tiniest amount of air could pass through his teeth as he spoke. It made a harsh, cutting sound, accentuated by the short bursts of breath i could feel on my face. During all of our time together, all of my "disobedience" and reprimanding, he had never threatened to actually kill me before. I believed him. Everything about the way he stood, spoke, and looked at me now let me know he had done it before. I felt the fibers that made up my body shiver in their intricate patterns. This was real danger, the point of no return. His face was shaking with how hard he was clenching his jaw. Terrified, and because i believed if he sensed anything besides total submission he would snap, i dropped my eyes. When i opened my mouth to apologize he hooked two fingers into my lower jaw and forced it down, spitting into it and then slapping me hard.

"Yer guna regret ya said that" he grunted

XxXxXxXxXx

Mac left Calli leaning against the bathroom wall in disbelief. He knew he had shocked her, probably even revolted her, and he was glad. There would be no room for doubt in her mind what that had meant; she had seen him do it to his dog plenty of times when he was punishing him.

"It's me dominating him," Mac had explained when Calli questioned it. "the only way someone gets to spit in your mouth is if they have control of you. He needs to know who his master is"

She had stuck her tongue out when he had reached for her, drawing the spit up loudly in his mouth so that she would run from him. He loved the way she looked when she ran, the way things bounced and jiggled. It wasn't just the chase but also the impact that he craved, that moment of collision when his body always won. He thought of it now, that crash, their bodies knocking together and hitting the ground just as hard. Knees knocking and dust flying into his lungs, the way it always took her a second longer to recover and he had his chance to grab her. Maybe that was what this was, an end to the chase scene, the moment of contact when he would finally catch her and be able to do what he wanted with her. Right now he was just fucking with her. Soon though, he was going to take her someplace where no one could stop him from treating her the way he saw fit.

He went back outside to join the others unloading amendments and fencing supplies. They were dropping everything on the lawn to sort through, and Mac had offered to carry the rest of the groceries in for the opportunity to be alone with Calli. He was furious. Not only had she been smoking while she was pregnant, something he could probably forgive, but then she had asked Martin what he wanted to eat, like he was her goddamn boyfriend or something. He knew that he wasn't, but the intimacy between them infuriated him just the same. Mac had asked Martin about it after Calli had fled him at the bonfire, asking if she was his girl and preparing to knock the life out of him if he replied in the affirmative.

"Nah" Martin had laughed, "Cal doesn't wanna be in a relationship right now, she just got out of a bad one"

"She tell you that?"

He shook his head around the beer can as he drank.

"Some things you can just tell. Plus, she showed up here fucking covered in bruises"

Mac thought back to when she had left but couldn't remember any specific injuries; she was pretty much always covered in bruises. He had asked Martin a few more questions about her casually through-out the night, and by the end of it he had discerned that she wasn't fucking anybody, had arrived solo in her own car, but had quickly sold on Craigslist. He wondered why she didn't keep it as a getaway vehicle but didn't dwell on it for long. Her car was a piece of shit, and he was constantly having to repair it at the shop for her. He was honestly even surprised the thing made it out of town. She probably thought he had put some kind of tracking device on it so she had ditched it. After he realized she'd run from him he had wished he had installed one, and if he was ever nice enough to her drive a car again it was going to be one with an automatic shut off.

It was insane to him that he had seen her throw her arms around someone else and ask aloud what he wanted for dinner. The disrespect it showed was only second to the amount she'd displayed when she stole from him and took off, and he was practically vibrating with fury. She didn't cook for anyone else, she belonged to him. Calli offering to cook another man dinner after draping herself all over him made Mac see red. He had never been this angry with her before, not even when she'd left. Her running from him was bad, but it was nothing compared to the rage he felt building when he considered her treating anyone else the way he wanted to be treated.

"Hey Mac can you carry these bundles over to the garden?" Martin asked, gesturing towards the large rolls of fencing that already lay on the lawn from an earlier delivery "ill meet you over there"

He nodded and stooped to collect one, using his knees to lift it and settling it on his shoulder. Lucy whistled loudly from behind him and he had to bite his lip hard enough to taste blood in order quell the urge to hit her. The physical labor would be good for his mood, he decided. That, and he needed the space to think about the best way to go about his next step.

XxXxXxXxX

I had to wait until i heard the screen door swing before being able to swivel and spit into the sink. I wasn't stupid, i knew exactly what that had been, and the reality of how intense this was getting was making me sick. I couldn't do this; I couldn't play cat and mouse with him. He had won the moment i laid eyes on him again, and the only chance i had of getting out of this was to get away from him and leave absolutely no trace this time. It had been foolish to call Anne after I'd arrived here to send for some of my things, and i vowed to never trust anyone again if i made it through this.

I spat into the sink until my mouth was dry, and then i gargled water. He had never, not even in our most raunchy moments, ever spit on me before. It was something he did to people he didn't respect and to dogs, something reserved for the lowest of the low. It was the last nail in the coffin, the ultimate 'fuck you'. He spat on people after he beat the shit out of them before he walked away. It was his final word on the matter, his mic drop, and i wondered what it signaled an end to.

Deciding that my mouth would never feel clean again, i gave up trying to rinse it. I had to get out of here. I thought back to selling my car and how it had seemed like a wise choice at the time. There wasn't anyway i was going to be able to get a ride from Martin either, he had just gotten back and i had promised him i would make meatloaf tonight. I sighed with my head hung over the sink, trying to come up with a plan, feeling Mac's net tightening around me as my mind floundered for a solution. Not knowing what else to do, i pressed my own finger tips into the crook of my elbow, sinking them as deeply as i could into the place where the bones met to try and recreate the searing feeling. I brought the pain back and then focused on it, grateful he had given it to me. I needed this, it was my only ammunition against him, the only thing that could possibly convince my to stay away. I just needed to remember why i had left.

Voices came from the porch and i wiped my eyes and shook my arms out, gathering myself in case i had to face them in the kitchen. I put my hand on my belly and promised that in a few days i would get us both out of here; I just needed a little bit more time. I still hadn't figured out a way to ask to get paid out without alerting Mac to my departure, and even though I had gone over a few ideas in my head, nothing seemed like it would work yet. I had to figure out a clever way to pack my stuff and get to town without him noticing somehow. Still, even as i heard myself tell myself it would be okay, I couldn't help but wonder if i were lingering just so I would purposefully get caught.

XxXxXxXxXxXxX

I put away groceries and cleaned for a while, finally starting the meatloaf around 5 when Bonnie showed up.

"There's too many bodies out there to be of any real help" she explained as she settled onto the couch "you're missing quite a show though, Mac took his shirt off"

I scoffed and kept pulverizing the stale bread i had found into crumb form, wanting to tell her I'd already seen it but resisting. She settled in at the nearby table and started to get her tray assembled, asking if she could put on music.

"Go for it" i told her

"You okay with moody girl music?"

"Duh, hurry up and play it before the boys get here and make us shut it off" I laughed, grateful for the distraction.

She put on a play list, trimming while i shredded cheese and diced onions. Some of the stuff i recognized and some i didn't. There was a lot of Ani Difranco and Teagan and Sarah though, and i let the angst flow through me. Eventually, a song came on where i recognized the vocals but not the words.

"Dear Joan," a familiar voice I couldn't place crooned from the speaker on the table. "ive almost forgotten, the pane in the window, the blue dress in the doorway..."

My ears sharpened as i listened to the delicate song, words I'd never heard before dancing through my head as the story unfolded. By the time i realized what it was about it was already to late.

 _ **I guess I've grown tired**_

 _ **It's just what's expected of me**_

 _ **To tear your heart**_

 _ **From the inside**_

 _ **To the outside**_

 _ **You know i was wired**_

 _ **I just couldn't help it**_

 _ **The hundred, thousand times**_

 _ **I hurt you**_

 _ **Dear Joan**_

 _ **I wanted to say**_

 _ **That im sorry for the screaming last night**_

 _ **And the nights before**_

 _ **Well Ive wanted more from this**_

 _ **Than anything I've ever known**_

 _ **Dear Joan**_

Distantly, I heard the porch door open and the sound of laughter coupled with more than one set of feet. I strained my ears to hear the song over the ruckus, suddenly needing to know how the rest of it went.

 _ **Dear Joan**_

 _ **Your face has a brightness**_

 _ **That I've never seen**_

 _ **In the years that I've known you**_

 _ **Dear Joan**_

 _ **I'd pick up the pieces**_

 _ **But some scattered too far**_

 _ **You see they flew when i kicked them**_

' _ **cross the room**_

 _ **And I know you believed**_

 _ **when i said it was over**_

 _ **You stood by me**_

 _ **Patiently waiting and brooding**_

 _ **So deeply in love**_

 _ **With every face that I've shown**_

 _ **I know**_

"What the fuck is this sappy shit?" I heard Mac asking loudly behind me as i formed the meat into the loaf pan "what're ya girls doin' n here? Slicin' yer fucking wrists?"

"Wait" i said suddenly, turning to stop Bonnie when i heard her reach for her phone to change it. "lemme just hear how it ends"

Mac raised an eyebrow at me but stayed silent, deciding to listen to what i had expressed interested in hearing. His face twisted up in a scowl when the next verses came through the speakers.

 _ **So Dear Joan**_

 _ **I wanted to say**_

 _ **That im sorry for the screaming last night**_

 _ **And the nights before**_

 _ **Well I've wanted more from this**_

 _ **Than anything I've ever known**_

 _ **And once i forget**_

 _ **Twice im a fool**_

 _ **Three times**_

 _ **Ive wrapped**_

 _ **My hands**_

 _ **Around your neck**_

 _ **While youre sleeping**_

 _ **You're quietly sleeping**_

 _ **Sleeping and dreaming**_

 _ **Dear Joan**_

 _ **Don't walk out the doorway**_

 _ **Because if ya did**_

 _ **I believe, I could honestly kill you**_

"Enough of this shit," he snapped, stealing the phone from Bonnie and turning the music off. "s'fuckin depressing"

He came towards the sink near where i was standing to wash his hands and i flinched, turning my face away when he got close. The noise he made when he cleared his throat was meant to get me to look at him but I wouldn't. Instead i played the words from the song over and over in my head, letting them act as a buffer between me and my own tormented thoughts. I kept my eyes down when he scoffed at my refusal and crossed the space behind me to reach the fridge. The long necks rattled in the door as he pulled one free.

"When's it ready" he asked the back of my head quietly, the bottle cap making a sucking noise as he popped it free.

"An hour and a half"

"You making that sauce i like?"

I nodded and he hummed in his throat, musing. I could hear the beer swishing in the bottle as he swirled it around, idling behind me.

"aint gettin' any bright idea in that priddy little head a yers are ya? Not guna try and sneak off again just 'cause ya got in trouble right?"

It took all of my composure to slowly shake my head. I wanted to spin on my heels and slash my nails across his face, to end this charade and just get to the climatic fight scene. Instead i gripped the spoon and bowl i was holding harder, turning my knuckles white as i stirred the glaze.

"Good" he whispered. "Don't forget what ya gave me fer my birthday last year"


	11. Chapter 11

**It's thunderstorming like crazy here so guess who got to finish this chapter while her husband and baby were totally passed out. That's right, this girl. Hope there aren't too many typos. Leave me some love if you've got any :)**

"Cal-aye"

He was calling me from the front of his house. We were going out to the bar and i was finishing my make up in the mirror on the back of his door.

"I'm almost done" i yelled back.

"My wallets in the jeans on the floor, bring it with ya"

I heard the front door swing shut and the sound of his dog barking.

"Yeah, yeah," Mac muttered to the mutt. "its coming just fuckin' chill"

The sound of kibble being shoveled silenced the dog quick, and i waded through the mess on Mac's floor with my foot to find the jeans he had been wearing earlier. His wallet was a thick leather one, the kind with rounded edges that left the shape of a square in the back right hand pockets of all his pants. When i found it i realized my opportunity. I had been hounding him to tell me his birthday and he wouldn't, but his license would have the information. I folded my legs up beneath me as i flipped it open to find his handsome face smirking back at me.

It was a good picture of him, and i wished it were something i could keep. It wasn't that he normally didn't photograph well, it was just that he never really let anyone take his picture. There was exactly one up on the wall of the bar that Walter had hung from New Years party but i didn't care for it. He was burying half of his face in the neck of some girl i didn't recognize, and in my mind it hardly even counted. This picture though, the one where his hooded eyes were smoldering and his crooked smile had just begun to crack open, made my heart race. Distracted by the image, i jumped when i heard rapping on the window from my left.

Mac was peering in, both hands cupped up to the glass so he could see and i waved the wallet triumphantly towards him so that he would scowl. He had known i was after an unguarded moment with his ID, and he was probably annoyed that he had slipped up and given me my chance.

"Let's go" he hollered.

XxXxXx

"Your license expires this year," i told him on the way to the mesa. "You're going to have to get a new one"

"So ?"

"So can i have your old one? Tell them you lost it so you don't have to surrender it"

"Mmm," he said shutting his eyes and inhaling a drag of his cigarette. "i like when you use that word"

Grinning and heating in my cheeks already at the thought of him getting bossy, i persisted. He was in a good mood tonight, otherwise i wouldn't have even asked in the first place.

"Its just that i don't have any pictures of you"

"Fuck you need one for?"

"You just look so hot in it," i purred, changing my technique and hoping i could insist. "Ill trade you for it"

"I don't want yer license ya crazy bitch"

"Something else then" i continued determined to get him to agree. "Anything you want"

We pulled into the parking lot and he killed the engine, shifting in his seat so that he was facing me. He leaned back, hooked his elbow out the open window and bent one leg up on the seat. Then he sat there staring at me, narrowing his eyes while he smoked. I was expecting him to say something mean, to tell me that i didn't have anything that he wanted, but he surprised me.

"Legal guardianship" he told me, jutting his chin out towards me like it was a challenge. "Sign yerself over to me"

"What?" I laughed. "Its not like I'm underage Mac, i cant just sign over my rights to you"

"Have yerself declared insane then" he snickered, moving his hips and getting comfortable. "an put me as your primary caregiver"

I rolled my eyes and bent my knees up in front of me, mimicking his posture but fitting much better in the compact space. He pulled a joint was his cigarette pack and lit it, handing it to me after he had taken a lung full.

"S'what i want" he said as he held the breath in, his voice taking on a far-off quality. "Figure out a way ta deliver an the license is yers"

"If you wanted to feel like you own me we could always get married" i teased him, taking the joint and wriggling my eyebrows at him.

"See thas just it though girlie, I wanna own ya, not have ya as an equal"

The night was cooling off. When the breeze blew in through the cab it carried the scent of smoke from a bonfire with it. People were on the porch of the bar and i could hear them laughing and talking loudly. I felt happy, totally content to be with him, sharing this joint and half-joking about his obsession with control. It was rare that he was anything other than a bulldozing force, and it was nice to get to banter with him.

"What about like an old school marriage? Where i really would become your property"

"What? The kind where I'd be allowed ta beat ya with something as thick as my thumb?"

I tried to hand the joint back but he waved it off, instead casually examining his hands.

"Well you didn't give me much notice to figure out a way to sign my life over to you"

"Yer a resourceful girl" he smirked.

I laughed and kicked at his hand when he made a grab for my ankle. His birthday was in two weeks, making him a Taurus, and I couldn't help be think it was something i should have seen coming a mile away. He was all touch and overreaction after all.

When his birthday arrived i presented him with a worn envelope, the corners long ago handled into softer edges and the original cream color aged to a yellow brown. He didn't ask what it was, just raised one eyebrow in question, fitting a large finger inside the already opened top and pulling out a folded piece of paper. One side had chicken scratch on it so he flipped it over to the typed side, his eyes quickly scanning the page and his face changing as he realized what it was.

"Don' ya need this?" He asked after a moment, flipping it over to look at the writing on the other side.

"Isn't that why you want it?" I countered.

Again, i steeled myself for rejection. It was a stupid idea, giving him my birth certificate, and i waited for him to shove it back into my hands and tell me he had no use for it. He didn't though. Instead, he took the time to read the back of it.

"D'yer mom git mad when he did this?" Mac asked after a moment.

I shrugged, honestly not knowing the answer.

"Its what makes it so special" i said quietly, not trusting my voice not to crack with emotion. "i cant replace it"

On the back, written in nearly illegible crayon, was a note from my brother,

"I love you Calli". Beneath it was a nearly identical one, except this one also said "happy birthday" and was dated with his name. Most of the page was filled with his script, all of it in different ink and varying handwriting. He had done it once a year up until the year he had died, and it was my most treasured possession. It made me nervous, the thought of being without it, and i hoped Mac would realized what the gesture meant. He refolded the document and stashed it in his back pocket, smiling like the cat who'd eaten the canary. Or maybe the wolf who'd eaten grandma.

"Its yer scroll Calliope" he murmured as he took a step towards me, his hand finding my cheek so that i would lean into his palm. "an now i got it. So yer guna hafta do what i say"

When he spoke to me like this it was as if the ground had given way beneath my feet. He could make it happen in an instant, that rushing, bottomless feeling, all he had to do was lower his voice and harden his words.

"I wanna do what you say" i whispered back, my breath having abandoned me.

"Then get onto yer knees"

XxXxXxXx

Mac watched Calli remember from his spot on the couch. It was interesting to him the way it happened. One minute she was moving faster than usual, desperate to try outrun whatever memory was gaining on her, and the next it was like she was moving through water. No one else seemed to notice, or maybe they just didn't know her well so they didn't know it was strange. She had always traveled before, she had just never totally transported the way she had been lately.

He still had the certificate. There had been plenty of nights where he held his cigarette close enough to the paper to just about burn a hole through it, but he always stopped himself at the last second. This was something he knew she'd want back, something she had probably hated to leave behind, and if it was any kind of bargaining chip then it was worth keeping.

From across the kitchen, Mac watched as her cheeks started to flush. He guessed she was recalling what he had done to her afterwards, and he hoped she was remembering it in vivid detail. He hadn't hurt her. The fact that the girl had given him what he knew was most important to her made his body vibrate with pleasure, and he went to lengths to make sure she got rewarded for it.

"Good girl" he had praised when she had dropped to her knees the second he'd told her to; she used to be such a good listener.

Mac had made her crawl towards his room while he paced slowly behind her, purposefully leaving his shoes on so that his foot falls were heavy. He undid his belt as he went, knowing the sound of it got to her, and let his pants hang loosely at his hips.

"Get on the bed" he told her from the doorway, leaning his large shoulder against the frame and rubbing his fingertips over his lips. She was only wearing his t-shirt and a pair of his boxers and it was interesting to see their sizes compared so clearly. She looked so small in the oversized garments.

"Lay down" He took a step towards her as she complied, toeing the heels of his boots so that he could kick them off. "Now put yer hands above yer head"

Shakily, she did what he ordered her to, raising her arms up and bending them slightly at the elbow. His pleasure was a hollow thudding in his chest as he reached out to touch her, knowing she'd press her cheek into his palm when he made contact. He let her rub against him like a cat for a minute before he climbed up to straddle her at her hips. Then he leaned over her and put his lips right against her ear, palming her chest in one of his hands until her nipples hardened against his touch.

"Imma tie you up now sweetheart," he whispered down to her. "an do you wanna know what imma do after that?"

She nodded and he twisted one of her nipples in his fingers, making her bite her bottom lip and shut her eyes.

"im guna make you cum until you beg me to stop"

"Mmm i wont beg"

"Yeah, ill bet"

He tied her down at the wrists, using the ropes he had long ago tied to the frame of his bed for just that purpose. The way her body tightened beneath him as he did made him smirk, he knew she wanted a fight. He kissed her hard and quick, feeling her mouth opening to draw him in but breaking it off before she could find his tongue with hers.

"Ah ah ah" he scolded her "im not really interested in yer mouth right now peaches"

"That's a first" she had laughed.

"You sassing me now girl?"

She shook her head, her lips pressed tightly in a line to keep from smiling. It would have been a mistake to act like she was laughing at him, and he was glad he didn't have to waste time punishing her for it at the moment.

"You look so good tied to my bed" he told her, going back to the script in his head. "Good enough to eat"

Her entire body jolted, just like he'd known it would, and when she opened her mouth to protest he slapped his hand over it hard enough to sting.

"Like i said peaches, i aint really interested in that goddamn mouth a yers right now"

On the way to his room, while he was hidden from her view, he had grabbed a roll duct tape off the table. Now he stretched out a long piece of it, and the sound of it separating caused her body to jump beneath him. He smoothed it over her mouth while she implored him not to, her eyes pleading and her words jumbled. For whatever reason, she was self conscious whenever he wanted to do this, and he didn't have the patience for it today.

He liked the muffled noises she made from behind the tape, the way her hips jerked when he rucked the shirt she wore up and began to kiss down her stomach. He trailed moisture with his tongue, sucking and biting at her skin as he went. When he got her shorts out of the way he ground his face between her legs, fitting as much as of her as he could into his mouth and applying the smallest amount of pressure with his canines. She was so warm down here, and the smell of her so strong; It was his favorite place.

She was already wet when fit his tongue inside her, and he moaned as he got up onto his knees for better leverage. She tasted so good to him, always had, despite whatever nerves she felt about letting him smother himself in her like this. At first she wouldn't even let him. Mac guessed her other lovers didn't enjoy it the way he did, and he sometimes wondered about what kind of idiots she'd been with before him. Eventually Mac had just tied her up and gagged her just like this, and since then she had reluctantly consented. Sometimes she held onto his hair while he worked his tongue up into her, but when she couldn't touch him she writhed more, so he usually tied her up first.

He moved back when she started to grind her hips against his face, sitting back on his haunches to make her groan in frustration and rubbing the pad of his thumb against her clit.

"You like this you little slut? You like when i tie you up and eat yer pussy?"

The groan turned into a moan and he snickered, keeping the pressure from his thumb constant as he moved it and pressing two fingers from his other hand into her. She let him fit her ass up into his lap, elevating her hips and lowering his mouth down towards her. When he licked her this time she screamed from behind the tape, jerking her hips so hard he had to force them back to the bed and hold her flat just to keep her from wriggling away from him. She came hard but he didn't let up, instead using his fingers to egg her on and push her further.

"If ya weren't such a nasty girl I wouldn't hafta tie ya down and do this to ya," he said huskily, flattening back onto his belly in order to get comfortable. "But since ya insist on actin' like this way..."

She started to whimper after a while. He had lost count of how many times he'd forced her to cum, and when he finally smirked up at her she just shook her head and made desperate noises, trying to plead with him through eye contact.

"Ya wan me ta stop?"

She nodded her head vigorously, trying to clamp her legs together when he pressed his thumb against her clit again to watch her writhe. He laughed at her useless efforts to protect herself from him, but decided to take pity on her anyway.

"Ya guna be good if i do?"

Again, the vigorous nodding that made her head look like it could come loose. He crawled up her body and pressed his dick against her, reaching to rip the tape from her mouth. When he kissed her his lips stuck slightly to the leftover adhesive, and he didnt need his hand to guide himself inside her. She braced her arms against the wall as he began to move, arching her hips up so that he could slam into her as hard as he wanted until he found his relief.

Later, after they discovered she couldn't walk on her own, Mac had carried her into the living room and draped her across his lap so they could watch tv. He was smoothing his hands over her ass idly as he relaxed into the couch, occasionally squeezing it but mostly just feeling the curved shape. They had fallen asleep that way, waking hours later after the sun had gone down and going to the bar. The perfect day.

Now he watched her try and fight the feelings the memory stirred up in her, the heat in her cheeks and the small quirk of what could be a smile twitching in the corner of her mouth. He wasn't going to be able to wait much longer for her to make up her mind. Soon, he was going to make it for her.


	12. Chapter 12

**Sigh. I found out ive been pronouncing "calliope" super wrong. That's what i get for reading 'sandman' instead of paying attention in class i guess. It gave me major writers block until i just decided to say to hell with it and continue. Thanks for not making fun of me :-P cheers.**

It was the heat that woke me up, that weird buzzing noise that insects make when the air isn't moving and the sun is cooking down. My skin was slick and itchy, and I could tell by the sauna my tent had become that morning had already transitioned into afternoon.

"Fuck" i grumbled to myself, changing and knotting my sweaty hair up high on my head. Today we were supposed to go to the other property in Manton, a volcanic wasteland that had the best water I'd ever tasted, and 99 other plants reaching high for the california sun. It was over an hour and a half away, and we all went at least once a week to make sure it was okay.

Curious as to why nobody woke me up, i followed my feet up towards the porch, trying to pull up the memory of last night but getting caught in a weird, fuzzy haze. I knew we had eaten meatloaf and then started a movie, but that was all i could conjure up. My head hurt and i wanted sugar. Maybe id make myself an enormous pancake and drown it in syrup.

"Afternoon sunshine"

I had been staring down at my feet to keep the sun out of my eyes and the sound of his voice surprised me.

"What are you doing here?" I asked, purely out of reflex.

"Waitin' on you" he replied, rising off the banister and flicking his cigarette. "s'posed to give ya a ride"

I stopped in my tracks, staring up at him and melting under the heat lamp of high noon. His voice had that suggestive quality to it, making my body react even while my head remained skeptical, and blood rushed to my cheeks.

"To where?"

"Someplace i aint takin ya," he replied evenly as he exhaled, like he were merely commenting on the weather. "So why don'ya make this easy on all three of us an go pack yer stuff up"

He came down the steps towards me, his steps deliberate and slow. I expected my body to react, to startle or to begin the early stages of panic, but it didn't. If anything my heart rate actually slowed down. There was a movie where they mentioned this, about how once a criminal knows he's caught he sleeps like a baby in the jail cell, and I tried to remember the name of it as he continued to come towards me.

"I don't wanna go with you" i told him out of habit, the words shaped the same but the meaning suddenly hollow. I did want to go with him. I wanted to rest, wanted this chase to be over. It felt like a had taken too many Xanax, and i was struggling to stay above the water i was treading. It didn't feel like water though, it felt like warm syrup, and the effort was exhausting me. "I already called Martin, he - "

"Quit lying!" He roared at me, his hands dropping simultaneously into fists by his sides. "I know ya aint got yer phone anymore Calliope. I aint seen ya usin' it even once since i been here"

"C'mon Mac don't do this! I need this money - " i was floundering, searching for any excuse. It was like when you realize you're wrong in an argument but just can't stop trying to prove your point. I knew i had lost, that the battle was over, but i still couldn't just lay still and be dead.

"What for? Whaddya need the money for? Thought you were givin' the kid up for adoption."

"I -"

"Lied?"

He had me at every turn i tried to take. I was ransacking my head for something to say when he spoke again.

"I aint askin' ya Calli. Now go git yet stuff if ya wanna keep it. Otherwise go sit in the fuckin' truck and wait"

XxXxXxX

She stood there for a moment, weighing her options, but finally turned and headed back the way that she'd come. Mac watched her go, knowing her body completely, seeing in the way that she held her shoulders that she hadn't totally accepted her defeat yet. He narrowed his eyes, wondering what she was up to, and then decided to go with her. His girl obviously still needed some supervision, at least until he got her off this property.

"Why are you following me?" She asked when she got back to her tent. "i don't need your help"

"Jus makin' sure ya don't do anythin' stupid"

She rolled her eyes and he cleared his throat, warning her not to do it again.

"Can i at least leave them a note saying goodbye?"

He shook his head.

"Well what are you going to tell them? They're going to notice I'm missing"

He worked his jaw like he was mulling it over. Calli could tell by the tone of his voice when he answered though that he had thought of a response to that question a long time ago.

"Figure i might tell 'em i caught ya stealing. Aint that what you do? Steal from people who trust ya and disappear?"

She hung her head, crouching just outside her tent since it was still too hot to go inside it. After she had drug her belongings to her and shoved them unceremoniously into her bag, Mac stole it from her and zipped it closed.

"You'll get it back" he told her, slinging the bag up onto his shoulder. "this yer tent?"

She shook her head.

"Then leave it." He reached down and grabbed her elbow, hauling her back up to her feet. "C'mon, we got a long a drive ahead of us"

XxXxXx

Mac wasn't at all surprised when Calli fell asleep shortly they'd begun the journey. The dose he had slipped into her drink last night hadn't been massive, but he knew it would be enough to knock her out. His plan had honestly worked perfectly; everyone had noticed her nodding during the movie, and so it wasn't weird when she didn't show up for breakfast.

"Must have gotten into some of the butter" Lucy had laughed. "she never sleeps this late"

It wasn't even an original thought, just one that mac had carefully planted in her the night before. He was good at that sort of thing. All he had to do as casually mention it and he knew this bitch would repeat it the next day. He was so sick of her and how easy she was to anticipate.

"I kin give her a ride there when she wakes up," Mac offered, ignoring the reaction of irritation that came from Lucy. "That way ya dont hafta wait around"

"Yeah, she knows how to get there" Martin replied. "Just come when she wakes up i guess"

It hadn't been the weed butter that Martin kept in the fridge but it was close enough. In reality it was a clear, tasteless liquid; something he had picked up in a dispensary. The guy who sold it to him had assured him it wouldn't make whatever he put it in taste like weed after he complained about not liking the spiciness of other drinks they offered. It came in a little clear punch pack that reminded him of travel contact lens solution. Mac had given Calli two of them, not sure what her tolerance was these days, and waited it out. It hadn't taken all the long. Soon she was fighting to keep her head upright and had mumbled something about being exhausted, disappearing with a handful of M&M's and only now waking up at around noon.

She would probably be pissed if she knew, something about hurting the baby no doubt, but Mac didn't really care. If she was smoking anyway then it was her own damn fault, and he had read somewhere that 'it's not what you do every once in a while its what you do everyday'. In his mind it was better this way, to just get it over with and decide for her. She was putting too much stress on her body with all the worrying and resisting she insisted on doing. To him, the potential hazard of the THC outweighed the stress of continuing this way, even if he did choose to neglect the fact that he was the source of constant upheaval in her.

When she tried to get comfortable against the door he had put his hand up to the nape of her neck and pulled her head into his lap. She didn't resist when he applied the smallest amount of pressure, kneaded her muscles with strong fingers and forcing her to relax. He smoothed the hair right above her ear back the way he knew she liked, soothing her until she started to let her eyes close. Then he hooked his thumb over her collarbone, fitting the hollow of his hand against the ball of her shoulder. All he had to do was find a place on her body that didn't usually get touched and hold it, she would be asleep in seconds.

He waited awhile after she had drifted before he moved the hand on her collarbone lower. Carefully, and with his eyes still mostly watching the road, he lifted the shirt she wore at the bottom and slowly pressed his palm against her abdomen. It didn't feel much different, she had always had a kind of a pooch there, something that fit his hand just right when he was feeling asleep, only now it felt firm. She stirred slightly and he drew his hand back as though her skin were hot, waiting to see if he'd been caught. When she didn't open her eyes he put his hand back, wondering if she'd felt the baby moving yet.

When she shifted he withdrew his hand completely, settling it on the wheel instead and hooking his other elbow out the window. He looked at the time on the dash and pressed the pedal harder, he needed to get to where he was going so he could drop her off and get back.

XxXxXxXx

"Open it"

Calli shook her head and Mac slammed his open palm against the window. He didn't want to break the glass, at least not yet. There was still time to try and convince her to open the door. It had been stupid to leave the keys in the ignition while he went to go make sure the power was on in the cabin, but at least he had never taught her how to drive stick. She was trapped here with him, so it was only a matter of time before he got to her.

She watched him carefully through the smudged glass of the drivers side window, feeling around her for anything she could use for a weapon. There wasn't much in the cab of the truck but she had seen through the window that opened up into the bed of it that he had been to some kind of hardware store. The links of a heavy metal chain were visible through the plastic of the shopping bag. It coiled and looped in on itself like a snake would, and Calli knew it hadn't been there the day before.

"What's the chain for?" She asked, her eyes flicking towards the bed and then back to him.

He smirked and tilted his head, amused by her.

"Fer the driveway," he replied, rubbing the tips of his fingers against his lips and angling his eyes up towards her. "why? Ya wan it to be fer you?"

Calli shuddered involuntarily. The sight of the chain had made her think of the caves Mac cooked in. She had only been once, when she ignored Macs orders and followed in after him when he'd stopped there on their way to the bar. The space had been poorly lit and cluttered with tables and equipment. She wasn't stupid, she knew he made meth there, but the sight of chains laying casually near a bloodstained mattress let her know what else happened there.

"Fuck you doing?" His voice, angry but also with a slight nervous edge to it, had sounded from somewhere behind her. "Thought i told you to wait in the fuckin' truck"

She had spun to face him, surprised when he wasn't alone. There were 2 others, his shit head brother Devon and a girl she didn't recognize. Devon had given her a look like he wanted to kill her then and there, but the girl and Mac looked at her with almost a kind of pity. Calli figured the girl must be Regina. Mac didn't talk about her much but Calli had gotten enough gossip from around the town to know that the situation between the three was messed up. She couldn't help but feel slightly jealous of Regina, the way Mac carried her name around on his back like something he couldn't shake off. All she knew was that something had happened between them, and that was enough for her.

"Go" Mac had roared at her, pointing back down the corridor which she had come.

Calli shook the memory away, not wanting to remember what had happened when he had come back to the truck ten minutes later and punished her for her indiscretions. Instead, she focused on his figure in front of her now, shifting on his feet like he was itching to start a race.

"Open it" he repeated, solidifying her in the present with the tone of voice.

"Where are we?" She was frantic now, knowing she was only making it worse for herself but unable to halt her panic.

"The woods"

"Yeah i can fucking see that!" she shouted, losing whatever grip on reality she thought she had.

Mac growled low in his throat and looked around. There was plenty of stuff to smash the window with, and he wasn't worried about anyone hearing it shatter or Calli if she screamed. He just didn't feel like having to fix it or explain to anyone who asked what had happened. He intended to go back to that farm and say Calli had demanded a ride somewhere; that way he could still make money and not be trapped up here all the time. He was frustrated, knowing he had been gone a long time, but when he looked back at her, his eyes got wide.

"Calli open the door"

"No!"

"Look at your hands"

She narrowed her eyes at first, not trusting him, but then glanced down. It was frightening to see how they had hardened, her four fingers straight as arrows and her thumb hooked across her palm. She tried to relax them, to shake them loose, but she couldn't.

"Wha- what-"

"You're hyperventilating" he told her. "You need to breathe slow and calm down"

"I - I -"

Her panic was fully engaged now, and the sight of her frozen hands coupled with the tingly, floating feeling she was experiencing only made it worse. She choked on a breath she couldn't get, coughing when her lungs wouldn't stretch to accommodate the air she needed.

"Calli"

Her head whipped back to him, their eyes locked together even as hers started to water. He was speaking as though she were on the edge of a cliff and he was trying to talk her down, choosing all his words carefully and holding his hands up. Meanwhile, her entire body was vibrating, and static was rushing past her ears so she coudn't focus on what he was saying.

"The lock" he urged, pointing to it.

She threw her arm towards it, trying to get her strange, sudden claw like hand to find a grip. The tiny peg jutting up from the frame was slick with her sweat by the time she managed to fit two fingers around it, and she had almost given up when he softly encouraged her to continue.

"You got it" he said, his eyes watching her every move.

The sound of the lock opening made his face change into something harder, and he ripped the door open to haul her out once he could, abandoning all pretense of being gentle. She landed hard on the ground and he followed her, gathering her up into his lap and yanking the collar of her shirt up over her nose. She tried to resist, squirming in his grasp, but she was weak from the panic and it wasn't hard for him to keep her from pulling it back down.

"You need carbon dioxide" he explained to the writhing body in his arms. Her erratic movements finally started to settle once she realized he wasn't trying to suffocate her, and he felt her relax against him. "Just breathe"

They stayed that way for a while. Mac held her firmly while being careful to not compress her chest and waited for her breathing to even out. It was then he realized that he hadn't fed her, and he rolled his eyes in annoyance with himself.

"Are you hungry?" He asked the huddled form in his lap.

He felt her nod and he shifted his weight so that he could get his knees beneath him.

"I can walk" she said hoarsely.

"Good for you" he spat back, lifting her as he stood.

Even pregnant, her body didn't register as an actual weight in his mind. He supposed it was because he had carried so many passed out / recently deceased bodies over the years but he didn't let the thought bother him. When someone was conscious, even if they were incapacitated, they still distributed their weight and made it easier to carry them. It was nothing to him to lift her from the ground and carry her.

He brought her inside, setting her down once they were in the kitchen but keeping his hands on her in case she swooned. When she proved she could stand on her own he let her go, but not before nudging her towards the table and telling her to sit down. She obeyed, collapsing into a chair and laying her head on her arms. Mac watched her shut her eyes, wondering what he could give her to eat. He had some groceries but the house wasn't fully stocked yet. He had planned on having Calli make him a list like she used to so that he knew what to get, but now he was cursing himself for not stopping somewhere along the way.

"Aint got much food here yet" he admitted, watching her carefully for any kind of reaction.

"I just want water"

He filled a glass for her and set it in front of her.

"Drink it slow"

She nodded but then immediately ignored him and chugged it. He rolled his eyes and shook his head but didn't say anything, instead just refilling it and hoping she didn't make herself sick. The only thing he had really gotten at the store were foods that he knew how to cook, so he offered her frozen pizza or canned soup. When she pointed to the pizza he nodded, unwrapping it and then going about the task of moving all the toppings from one side to the other. She only liked cheese so this was their compromise. He could remember the very first time she had complained about the so called 'travelidge' that took place. It had been early on in their misshapen excuse for a relationship, and it had been one of the things that made him want to keep her.

"I told you to just get me my own pizza!" She had complained when he came home with a supreme. "I cant stand the travelidge, i only like cheese"

"The what?"

"The travelidge. The taste of all your toppings travels onto mine"

"No it doesn't you little shit"

"Yes it does! It gets cooked into the cheese and spreads to the entire pizza"

"How do you come up with that?" He had laughed, setting the pizza down so that he could free his hands up. "And what kinda person doesn't like meat on their pizza?"

"It's mystery meat" she had retorted, arms crossed over her chest. "It's gross"

Then he had spun and caught her waist in his hands, dragging her towards him so that their chests collided and knocked the wind out of her. She squeaked when he fisted her hair and tilted her mouth up to his, kissing her so hard that she made a tiny noise of protest and tried to push back. He let her, but only because he was craving a chase.

"S'funny, i don't remember you thanking me for bringing ya food" he had mused, stepping towards her slow so that she would know he wanted to play. "All i hears complaints and demands"

Smirking, realizing what he was up to now, Calli had taken the reciprocating step back away from him. His eyes flared with animal like alertness. They were on her, then behind her, then to each side of her while she stood motionless, wasting time. He was gauging which direction she would bolt when he finally grabbed for her, trying to anticipate her next move, when she surprised him and rushed forward.

She threw all of her body weight into it, knocking him back and jutting his body against the counter. It didn't take him long to get his feet back under his hip bones and square them off, effectively turning him into a brick wall, but he was still impressed. Nobody had ever challenged him like that before, except for that stupid bitch who tried to kill him by tossing them both off a cliff. They used the word "miracle" to describe how he had survived but Mac knew better. God would never forgive him and The devil just didn't want him, so here he was.

He had turned the tables quickly, squeezing and twisting her arms up behind her back until she relented and said all the things he wanted her to. He liked to make her say things. In fact, he fucking delighted in it. The way she would pant through the pain at first, the quick breath of hesitation right before she caved and did what he wanted. What he really liked though, was her voice wrapped around his words, how shameful she sounded saying some of the things he forced her to repeat. Her voice would lose all its edge and attitude, instead becoming replaced by self-consciousness and fear. She sounded so tiny and destructible when she was at his mercy like that, and it was a good thing she secretly liked it because he was addicted to it now either way.

"Mac?"

He turned and saw her sitting at the table, her glass still half-full in front of her. She opened her mouth as if to say something but then closed it, twisting her lips up to one side and shaking her head. Anyone else would have pressed the issue but Mac was more than happy to let it go. For whatever reason he wasn't in the mood for her tears like he usually was, and he was glad she had resisted what he knew would end in sobs.

"Bathrooms down the hall" he grunted, finishing his task of relocating the toppings and putting the pizza into the oven. "Ill git yer stuff"


	13. Chapter 13

One thing Mac had known to get, or rather, had known to bring, was Calli's favorite soda. It was some expensive kind of bull shit, made with cane sugar on the full moon after the sacrifice of a third generation Gemini or something equally as ridiculous. Walter was the one that kept it stocked in the bar for her. He ordered it special off-line and then kept it in the same fridge he stored the lemons and other perishable mixes in, stashing it in the back so no one else would see it. Walter loved Calli, and he had made it clear to Mac how he felt about her disappearance.

"What did you do to her?"

Mac had been sleeping. More so, he had been passed out from drinking whiskey all weekend. It was like sleep only he never got any actual rest, he just tossed and turned until he woke up angry. It took him a moment to register that someone was even speaking to him. By the time he had shifted to sit up in his bed, his father had lost patience and smacked the back of his head with something heavy. Mac grunted but didn't cry out. After all, he was used to the physical abuse from Walter.

"What?"

"Calli!" Walter spat at him. "What did you do to her"

For one brief second, the sound of Walter exclaiming her name made Mac think she was back, and he looked around the room for her. Finding nothing but his own accumulated mess, he scowled and rubbed at his face.

"Dint do nuthin old man, i told you, she just ran off"

"Is she dead!" His father screamed at him, more of a statement then a question.

"Not as far as i know" Mac mumbled, wishing he could pass back out but knowing Walter would only hit him again. "I woke up an she was gone. Took a bunch a my money too"

Walter smiled at that, seeming to be satisfied at the thought, and tucked his gun back into his holster. Mac wasn't surprised that his father had brought it, or that he'd hit him with it. He was just glad he hadn't shot him with it.

"What about the other one?"

"What other one?" Mac asked, turning his head and feigning ignorance.

He heard the old man sigh so he didn't bother trying to continue the lie, not wanting to earn himself another punch.

"She aint dead either, just pumpin' her fer information"

Walter raised his eyebrows at his sons word choice but didn't question him any further. In his mind, both his sons were fucked, but he was too old and too tired to try and do anything about it.

"She's downstairs" Mac offered when the old man said nothing. "You kind check if ya want, she aint dead"

"Not yet at least" Walter scoffed.

Mac nodded, elbows resting on his knees and fingers laced together as he looked up at him. Calli had been gone for a month and even with the distraction Anne offered, he knew he was deteriorating. He kept waiting for Walter to bring up the orders he was behind on but the old man just stood there, stalling.

"Let me know what you find out" he said after a moment, turning and exiting the room.

Mac heard him pause at the door to the basement and wondered if he was actually going to go down and check. When the sound of footsteps continued towards the door after a few seconds, Mac breathed a sigh of relief. He hadn't lied, Anne was down there and she wasn't dead, but she didn't look too great either. Every time Walter saw what Mac did to women, he shook his head as if he were some kind of saint. Mac couldn't reconcile himself to it. If anything he was the least fucked of the three men, although he supposed maybe Walter didn't see it that way because Devon never really hurt Regina, he just kept her too drugged to know what was happening.

Still though, in Mac's mind forced incest trumped the sexual sadism that he was into, and if he really wanted to split hairs he could always just blame it on nature vs. nurture. Walter had raised him to be a monster, so what did he really expect?

He cleared his throat and stood to his full height, reclaiming his dominance now that Walter had disappeared. He felt edgy, like the old man had insulted him in some way, and considered stomping down the basement steps to take it out on the girl he had down there. In the end though, he decided against it. He had come home drunk from the bar last night and gotten mad at her when she still claimed not to know where Calli was. The blood was still on his knuckles from when he'd hit her, and he wanted to give her a few days of isolation before he approached her again.

He felt something at his ankle and looked down. Cat, the small beast Calli had insisted on keeping, was rubbing up against his leg and purring. It was a loud sound to be coming from such a tiny creature, like marbles were rolling around in his throat.

"An i s'pose you want sumthin from me too?" Mac grunted, stooping to catch it in his huge hands.

The cat hissed at him but made no moves to get away, relaxing into his grip instead and going limp. Mac fit the animals ear into his mouth and gently bit on it as he rubbed its throat, making the cat squirm slightly but otherwise not bothering it. The two had formed a unique relationship since Calli had disappeared, and even though he was surprised that he was as fond of it as he was, he lied to himself and said it was just because it was something of hers that she might come back for. In reality though, even if Calli came back right this moment he wouldn't let her have the cat; it was his partner in crime now.

He let the thing come down into the basement with him sometimes, knowing that Anne could see it but would be unable to touch it. It was fun to watch the confusion on her face when she saw him be so gentle with the animal and then act so rough towards her. Other times he let Cat go into the basement without him, just so he could hear Anne trying to coax it to her, making a strange 'swish' noise with her mouth and trying to beckon him closer. Mac knew Cat was too aloof to care though. That, and he only liked Mac. Anytime someone else tried to pick him up the cat would turn into a hellion and swipe for the eyes.

Carrying the small beast with him into the kitchen, he set it down on the counter and opened a can of tuna for it. Calli had tried to keep it off all the furniture and cooking surfaces, but now that she was gone he let the cat do whatever it wanted. He still made sure it shit outside though. That, or when he was being a dick, he would lock him in the basement so he would have to go down there.

He watched the animal eat, fascinated with the noise that came from its mouth when it did. It was like a breathing growl, the sound of saliva and the smacking of teeth. He loved it. It was like a purr but it was different somehow, and he always stayed to listen whenever he fed him like this. Usually he forget though, letting Cat just hunt for himself since he was hardly home. He didn't really think of him as a pet, more like something that just chose to co-habitat with him. His pet he kept down in the basement, and he knew her warping mind was going to see it as some kind of great honor when finally started calling her that. Right now, every time he addressed her, if he even bothered to at all, it was harsh and unkind. He knew the first time he spoke gently to her it was going to recalibrate some kind of precious part of her mind, edging him towards someone she would seek to impress rather than someone she would want to escape.

Sighing, wishing for Calli, Mac left the tiny cat to its meal and retreated back to his bedroom to pass back out.

XxXxXxXxX

Now, standing in the kitchen of a small cabin, Mac retrieved the sacred soda from the ice box and ripped one free from the plastic rings. He tore open another dose of the THC liquid with his teeth and squirted it into the can he popped open, leaving it on the counter for her to discover and hiding the rest. They were all for her, but right now, he wanted her to drink that specific one.

When she came back from the bathroom and saw the soda her eyes got wide. Then they narrowed and approached the can slowly, as though it were a bomb about to go off. She turned to eye him suspiciously, and then she looked around for the rest of the six pack.

"It's from Walter" Mac grunted. "You think id be able to remember shit like that?"

It wasn't a total lie. The soda had come from Walter, even if Mac had been the one to ask for it right before he left. He could still remember the way the old mans eyes had shimmered with some kind of weird, shifting light as he smiled to himself and went to get it. Mac shuddered where he stood now, recalling the unnatural happiness the unspoken look had extended between the two men. It was awful, that proud nod Walter had given him when he had come back with the cans, and Mac hoped it never fucking happened again.

"No, i suppose not" Calli admitted, dropping her shoulders and reaching for the beverage. "Besides, what more could you possibly do to me"

She said it dramatically, as though she were feeling sorry for herself and it annoyed him.

"There's lots i kin do sweetheart," he murmured, rounding on her after she had taken a sip and stalking her back into the wall. "An i aint gada hide none of 'em in a soda"

She gulped the sip she had in her mouth and he smirked, remembering that he had her all to himself again and he didn't have to worry about anyone intruding. He was happy. Happy and excited to see what would happen next.

"You wanna play house?" He asked her, his hands grazing over her hip bones just to feel her flinch.

She shook her head, soda can still poised in front of her mouth as she stared up at him with huge, wet eyes.

"Too damn bad" he purred, reaching up to place both hands on either side of her head and leaning into her neck.

He paused there for a moment, sensing the way her skin was vibrating and smelling the fear that was radiating off of her. He let her shake for a moment before pressing his lips against her neck once and then drawing back and away from her. She hadn't been expecting it and so her breathing changed. A mixture of relief and disappointed played out on her face and Mac had to turn his back on her and walk away so she wouldn't see him smirking.

"Go on an si'down" he said gesturing towards the table. "Pizza'll be done in a minute"

XxXxXxXxX

"God dammit Mac what did you put in this?"

He was sitting across from me at the table, his grin impossible to hide behind his huge, clasped hands, even though he was trying. I felt silly, giddy with a nervous type of energy that was making the situation seem funny even though part of me knew it wasn't. The part of me that was having fun was sick of that other part though, and i let it slide easily towards the back of my mind while i devoured another slice of pizza.

He finally gave up the act, leaning back and reaching into his front pocket to pull out some kind of packaging. He tossed it towards me and it slide to a stop by my soda. I knew what it was immediately.

"Oh, you dick" i scoffed, unable to stop smiling despite my irritation. "And this is why i slept till noon?"

He nodded, his snickers becoming full blow belly laughs when i threw the flimsy packets back to him and missed him entirely. They skidded across the floor behind him and shot into the pantry.

"It's not funny" i said, focusing on my pizza and twisting my lips up to keep them closed. It was useless though, and my belly started to heave with laughter just as my eyes began to water. "Stop laughing its not funny"

We both dissolved, laughing hard enough to make my stomach and cheeks hurt. When i finally managed to compose myself Mac was already back to normal, tearing into his pizza and grinding his massive jaw. I took another sip of my soda and then remembered he had drugged it, erupting into fresh giggles and needing a glass of water to calm down.

Afterwards, i ransacked the bags he'd left on the counter for snacks and followed him over to couch. He used his phone to create a hotspot of WiFi and then produced a new tablet for me to download Netflix onto. I was surprised at it, id never known him to have a computer before.

"It's fer you" he explained when he saw my expression. "Cept imma use it all the time too"

Smiling and nodding, i scrolled through the movies until i found one that i knew he wouldn't complain through. I hit the play button and leaned forward to set the tablet on the table, adjusting the screen so we could both see and then sitting back. It was then that the awkwardness set in, and i sat there stiffly beside him while the realization of how fucked up the situation was hit me full force. Being high made me unsure how to act around him suddenly, and the easy laughter we had shared at the table seemed like a lifetime ago.

The movie did nothing to distract me, and when a scene in it reminded me of something, i didn't even notice that i started to drift into recollection.

I was transported back to early on in our demented courtship, back before he had insisted i stay at his house all the time and rarely let me out of his sight. We had had plans to hang out that night but then he cancelled at the last minute, something about work or his dad, some excuse I couldn't remember. Instead i had gone to a party with Anne, trying not to let my inner demons convince me that he was sick of me or blowing me off. When we pulled up to the house and saw his truck parked outside though, it was impossible not to feel disappointed.

"Do you want to skip it?" Anne asked me, her hands still poised at 10 and 2 on the steering wheel as she stalled, pretending to look for other places to park. "we could - "

"It's fine" i snapped, wanting to confront him and catch him in his lie. "He said he had to work so lets not worry about it"

I glanced into the window of his pick up as i went by it, noticing a jacket I didn't recognize laying across the seat. It had rhinestones or something sparkly on it. It made me want to vomit. Impulsively, i opened the door and grabbed it, throwing it down into the mud behind his back tire and wedging it down underneath it with my foot. It made me feel a tiny bit better but not much. Anne was looking at me funny but i shrugged it off.

"C'mon" i told her, grabbing her hand and pulling her behind me towards the house. "Let's go"

The house was crowded, thick with people and conversation. Smoke hung in the air in layers, and we had to waft it away when we walked in just to keep from getting a contact high. I saw people i recognized and people i didn't. Some of Mac's friends were hanging out by the keg but they didn't pay any attention to me. To them, i was just one of the broads that Mac had laid claim to, marking me as off limits and therefore uninteresting. It didn't matter. They all looked like really rough men, and i was glad that I'd never have to fend any of them off.

I saw him before he saw me. He was sitting on the couch in the living room next to some girl. He was rolling a joint between his wide-spread legs, distracted by the way she kept rubbing her hand along his inner thigh. He looked annoyed with her, his face harsh when she kissed behind his ear and curved her body into him, but he didn't smack her away like I expected him to.

Turmoil rolled through me. I felt aggressive, like someone had stolen my things or gotten onto my turf. The rage was scalding air in my chest, something primal that acted purely on instinct and dismissed logic. It was as if i had become fatal, like i could kill them both and i was lucky that Anne saw what was happening and pulled me away to find a drink. She insisted that i avoid the room he was in and just try to have a good time, saying it would be better if he saw me enjoying myself and acting like I hadn't noticed him.

I consented and went with her, but it would only be thirty more minutes until i saw him again. I had been planning on being surrounded by other people, laughing loudly at something someone had said, and then turning to pretend I hadn't known he was there. As usual though, fate decided to throw me to the wolves.

I was by myself, surrounded by strangers in line for the bathroom, when the two of them crashed into the wall of the hallway i stood in. They were attached at the mouth and groin, and the shock of seeing them kissing made the whiskey in my belly turn sour. I could tell he didn't know i was there, and something about viewing him in his natural habitat, in his most authentic form, made me unable to tear my eyes from them. They way he attacked the girls neck shifted something inside me, and i felt that sudden drop in my chest as my pulse quickened and my lust deepened.

I watched them. Or, more specifically, i watched him. I loved the way his jaw looked when he was opening and closing it, the tiny fist at the sharp angle that pulsed like a heartbeat. His hands moved all over her body, pulling and tugging at her curves, trying to get her impossibly closer. The muscles of his arms looked liked ropes twisting beneath his skin as he used them, and his veins were as thick as drinking straws. I couldn't help it when my core started to heat up just from the sight of him. It was like the girl wasn't even there. Or at least, i didn't feel jealous of her at the moment. All i could do was marvel at him while he worked.

Suddenly, just as i felt a bead of moisture collect and begin to drip from between my legs, he looked up and locked eyes with me. The air compressed in my lungs, instantly freezing me in place while he took in the sight of me. The girl was still gyrating in his arms but he had clearly lost focus, his hips only slightly rocking into her and his hands hovering near her lower back.

I opened my mouth to try and breathe and he smirked at me, turning her so that she couldn't look up to see me staring and continuing to kiss along her neck. He kept his eyes on me though, gauging my reaction while he pawed at the girls ass and legs. She was giggling and holding the back of his head in her hand, not realizing that he was putting on a show for me.

My cheeks felt hot, swollen with blood as i flushed at the sight of him sliding her tank top strap down and fitting his hand into it. I could hear the moan she made when he pinched her nipple between his fingers, keeping his eyes glued to me while he kissed and manipulated her. I was fascinated by the contrast of his skin against hers; the chapped, tan flesh of his hands against the smooth unblemished white of her chest.

Other people in the line began to notice, clapping and hooting at the two of them. The jarring noise broke the spell i was under, and i was able to shake my head enough to clear it slightly, surprised when i found myself totally breathless. Mac watched me for a moment, waiting to see what I'd do while the girl tried to climb up into him. When i took a step back, he stood to his full height, abandoning the girl and coming towards me. I heard her issue some complaint from behind him, but it was as if all the other sounds around me had suddenly faded out.

Surroundings blurred as he got closer because i could focus on was him. He was practically dripping with the sex he radiated, and for the full moment it took him to reach me, i wondered if someone had slipped something into my drink. I had never felt so electric. It was as if a current went through us when his skin finally touched mine and I gasped, startled by the contact.

I blew out a breath and wiped the hair back from my forehead, still unable to find the pace of my normal, rhythmic breathing. He didn't come after me when I retreated backwards. He just stood there and smirked with his long arms at his sides, his eyes devilish and his grin wicked. He kissed the air and winked at me right before the girls hands reappeared at his waist, spinning him and effectively freeing me from the tractor beam of his stare.

I rushed along the wall towards the back door, holding my hand out along it to let it guide me. When i burst into the cool night air i felt better, but it took a few minutes of conscious breathing before i felt steady enough to search for Anne. The house was packed so i decided to look outside first, squinting towards the bonfire in the backyard and trying to make out the shape of her. I went towards the glow of it, unable to see clearly in the dimming light of dusk, but was suddenly yanked backwards.

I made a noise of surprise but it was muffled behind the thickness of his palm. His hands smelled like her and i tried to recoil away from it, my whole body shuddering and trying to curl into itself. I heard him snickering from just behind my ear as he pulled me in close to him, his arm like a vice around my waist. Within seconds he had drug me to the far side of the house and slammed me into it, his arms trapping me in on either side like a cage. He didn't say anything when i tried to push him off, just groaned at the contact and leaned in harder. He was crushing me with his weight.

"Mac" i grumbled, my hands at his chest but unable to create distance. It felt like he was made of rock. "Mac!"

He found my wrists and fit them both into one hand, slamming them up above me and moving his mouth down to suck on one nipple through my shirt. The reaction happened immediately, and i felt my knees start to buckle when he moved his other hand to the center of my legs and lifted me clear off the ground.

We were surrounded by the sound of heavy breathing and shifting clothes as i wrapped my legs greedily around him. I was only wearing a skirt so it didn't take him long to move my underwear to the side and drop me down onto his dick once he'd freed it. I screamed, the noise rushing out of me as i sunk down on him, and he fit his hand against my mouth to force my head back.

"Shuddup" he told me, jerking his hips up. "Don' act like you don wan' this"

His words melted my insides, and I could feel the liquid running down my legs and onto his. I heard the sound of him smiling in the dark as he began to move into me, his dick hard enough to feel all the way in.

"Yer a dirty girl" he rasped at me, releasing my wrists and mouth so he could use both hands to hold me up by my thighs. "you like watching?"

I hadn't realized i had until he said it but i still nodded like an idiot for him, anything to get him to keep going. I was shameless when he acted this way. I didn't care that anyone could walk around the corner and discover us. The wall i was up against could have been in the living room for all i cared, all i could concentrate on was him.

"Mm" he hummed, leaning his forehead against me and bucking his hips harder. "You wanna watch me fuck her?"

I shook my head and heard him chuckle lowly.

"Maybe ill jus make ya then," he grit out, moving harder and faster into me now. "Ill jus tie ya down an make ya. I know you'll like it then"

I was grinding down against him, desperate for more contact.

"Say that thing i like" he urged me in-between pants. "Say it an ill let ya cum"

"I'm yours" i told him, pulling at his hair and digging my nails into his scalp. "You wont let me get away"

He moaned, pushing deep into me and holding himself there as he came. I could feel the muscles in my ass twitch and i lost feeling in my right thigh, spasms shooting through me but I didn't care. All i cared about was him.

"What are you thinking right now?" He asked me, dragging me back into the present. My back was sore as though i were still up against that house somewhere but i was only sitting next to him on the couch.

"Nothing"

"Calli"

I turned to look at him.

"I don't know what you mean" i lied.

He rolled his eyes as though it were obvious and pushed himself back up so he could reach over to me and pull me towards him.

"I mean this" he told me, cupping between my legs and holding me firmly there. "I kin smell when yer getting turned on Calli, so how 'bout you tell me what you were thinking 'bout so i kin jus' go ahead an do it"

Unwilling to admit the truth, i tried to come up with something else on the fly. His fingers felt so good pressed against my clit though. Even through the layers of clothing, I could feel the electric spark that it promised and I couldn't focus. I was helpless to stop myself when my hips circled and bore down on his hand, trying to create friction.

"You little slut" he whispered to me. His face was buried in my neck again, and the sound of the moisture in his mouth making me pant.

"You want it?" He asked me, goading me further along by increasing the pressure of his hand and moving it up and down. "Hmm?"

"No" i said suddenly, leaping back from him and settling far onto the other side of the couch. I waited a moment to see if he was going to pursue me, but he only shrugged like he was bored and lay back.

"Suit yerself" he huffed as he stretched out, his feet finding their usual place tucked in between the couch and my side. "Lemme know when ya change yer mind"

"If" I corrected him.

"When" he said sternly.

XxXxXxXxX

 **I know Mac is supposed to be a druggie but i just cant make him an idiot. So i figure, he does the drugs but he doesn't let them totally take over his life - maybe kinda when Calli leaves but not really. I just imagine him as always, always, always being in control (except of Walter) and i cant see him just tweaking out by himself for days and losing himself to a substance that way. I cant ever see him being desperate i guess. I know in the movie he did those things but i like him better as an evil master mind who can anticipate people and situations. A person who sees how to manipulate his surroundings but doesn't have a problem forcing it either. A pyschopath i guess.**

 **Anyway, thats why i imagine him so hard bodied and with good, healthy, working man veins. He's not a total junkie in this story, although all that other stuff i guess went down. Meh, whatev's.**

 **Hope you liked it!**


	14. Chapter 14

Calli fell asleep during the movie, just like Mac knew she would. While she was passed out, he went to retrieve the last couple bags from the bed of his truck, smiling to himself and wishing he could somehow see her face when she woke up. He was quiet when he came back in, leaving his boots at the door and padding over to her in just his socks.

The next task he did as quietly as he could, trying hard not to snicker when he imagined how pissed she was going to be. Then, after folding the tablet back against its keyboard and tucking it under his arm, he left her and went into the kitchen.

He typed her a message on the notepad of the device he'd gotten for her because he hated his handwriting and knew it would be impossible to read. He kept it short, just basic instructions for her, but it took a lot longer than it should have. Mac wasn't used to computers, and instead of holding his wrists at the keyboard the way people normally did, he jabbed at the keys with one or two fingers. His huge hands just didn't move the other way, that fluid motion where people didn't even have to look down while they typed. Calli had always teased him mercilessly for it even though she knew his fingers were dexterous when it counted.

"How soon until you invent the wheel?" She had asked on one of the rare occasions she caught him actually trying to type something. They were at the library and he was trying to find something in the directory. It was something he had done maybe half a dozen times in his life, total, but of course she was there to witness it. He had narrowed his eyes at her and given her the finger when the giggles she failed to contain bubbled out of her lips.

"Yeah, well we cant all take fancy typing lessons in private school," he snapped at her, embarrassed but masking it with anger. "C'mere ya little brat"

He had caught her wrist and drug her down into his lap, scooting his chair back and situating her on his thigh. Then he shoved the keyboard towards her, indicating with raised eyebrows that she should take over after she looked at him in question.

"What's the book called?" She asked, fingers hovering over the tiny letters before her.

"How to teach yer fuckin' girlfriend how'ta mind her fuckin' manners" he growled in her ear, grabbing at both of her sides simultaneously to make her yelp in surprise. He tickled her for a moment, keeping her trapped on his lap, but stopped when the lady behind the checkout desk shushed him loudly. That old broad was the only other person in town that Mac was afraid of after his father, and he quit as soon as she told him too. When she looked away though, he clawed Calli one more time in the side, just to have the final say.

"Did you just call me your girlfriend?" She had continued to tease. "Does this mean you'll teach me how to drive stick?"

He couldn't remember now exactly how he had answered her. Most likely it was with something snide, a comment about how she should only worry about driving _his_ stick or something like that, something crass. He was lucky that he could cover his ass with crude comments though, because his world had near screeched to a stop when he realized what he had called her. He hadn't meant to say that, it had just slipped out somehow, some kind of trick of the mind. And now, hundreds of miles away, he had his finger poised over the "L" on the keyboard, wondering if he had really just been about to type the word "love" before he added his name at the bottom.

Forgetting for a minute that he was trying to be quiet, Mac slammed the screen down and heard the magnet of the keyboard engage. He left quick after that, leaving the tablet on the table near where she slept and softly shutting the door behind him. Once outside, he put the truck into neutral and shoved, rolling it backwards down the drive so that she wouldn't hear him start it. It was how he had used to sneak out of Walters house when he was young, not that the old man ever gave a real shit about where he was or what he was doing.

He tore down the gravel road, unsure if he was angry at the notion of having almost written the word or pissed that he had stopped himself. Either option infuriated him. He wasn't used to being undecided, and the fact that he couldn't get adjusted to the foreign feeling was only making him more agitated.

After 20 minutes of furious speeding, Mac reached the end of the unpaved road. The driveway up near the cabin was covered in loose gravel, but before you reached that it was all unmaintained, hardly more than tire tracks in dried mud. He didn't know exactly how many miles it was but he knew he wouldn't want to walk it, especially not without shoes or with anything cumbersome slowing him down.

He grinned to himself as he hopped out of the truck, suddenly in a better mood now that he was picturing what would happen when she woke up. The first thing she would probably do, after having read what he'd written and seen what he'd done, would be to try and hike out. Rounding on the bed of the truck to grab the chain he needed only made his smile expand. The chain wasn't heavy to him, not in a way that would register when he lifted it at least, but he wouldn't want to have to carry it for very long. He strung it between the two trees where the mouth of the driveway met the road and hung a 'no trespassing' sign from it. He figured the very real threat of getting shot by your paranoid neighbors would keep anyone from wandering onto a property that wasn't theirs.

He got back into the truck afterwards, glancing behind him and appraising the canopy covered logging road he'd come from. The only thing he had to be worried about, since he wasn't concerned about her leaving or anyone else finding her there, was the tablet. Unless someone was wandering nearby in the desolate woods with their hotspot turned on though, it wasn't really a cause for any alarm. He knew she didn't have her cellphone on her; he had been through all her things.

If only there was a way to see her face when she woke up. He knew she was going to be furious but he would have had fun arguing his actions on a technicality. He hadn't actually lied, he thought to himself now, smirking and itching his chin as he made sure the padlocks on both ends were secure. The chain in the bag had indeed been for the driveway, she just hadn't asked about the second one.

XxXxXxXxXx

After calculating times in his head, Mac called Martin.

"Yo dude, what the fuck? You guys okay?"

"M'fine" Mac grit out, his lips clamped around a cigarette that he had to drop his chin to light. "But i oughta ask you the same question"

"What do you mean?"

Mac blew out the inhale he had just taken, letting the nicotine wash over him in a subtle buzz.

"That fuckin' broad you said knew where she was going. She's had me drivin' all fuckin day"

Silence came from the other end. He wondered what Martin's mind would immediately go to after learning of her strange, sudden disappearance. Given his industry, Mac wasn't surprised by what he asked next.

"She take anything with her?"

Bingo.

"Jus' her bag," he drawled. "Had me half way to the city though before i finally realized what she was doing"

"What was she doing?"

"The dip"

A long exhale came from Martin. Mac could picture him pacing, having wandered off from the others, his hand raking repeatedly through his hair as he wracked his brain for anything she could have stolen that would fit into a knapsack.

"Fuck" Martin said after a moment, clearly surprised.

"I confronted her about leading me on a wild goose chase, pretending she was lost or whatever, and she threw a fit, started trying to wreck us so i pulled over an she hopped out. She was headed south on the 5 last i saw 'er"

More silence. Mac heard the soothing beat of pavement beneath his tires. The warm air was rushing past him and he felt better than he had in all his life. He had everything he wanted. Everyone was so fucking predictable and easy to steer.

"You on your way back?"

"Bout two hours out id say"

"Okay, we can talk then, grab some beer or something"

"Whiskey"

"Yeah, sure, whatever" Martin responded, sounding far away. "See you then"

Mac smirked and pocketed his cell phone. At least if he couldn't see the look of horror on Calli's face he could see the looks of total disbelief on everyone else's. He couldn't wait to turn them on her, to isolate her totally and have her all to himself again. Smirking, feeing quite pleased with himself, Mac flicked on his headlights and worked on the details of his story in his head.

XxXxXxXxXxXx

Bonnie watched Martin hang up the phone. He looked angry, maybe scared, and she wondered what had happened. They were all wondering what had happened to Mac and Calli, but when they got back to the house and neither of them were there, the worry began to morph into some kind of strange paranoia. Had they gotten pulled over? Had they been in a wreck?

"Everything okay?" Lucy asked. Her posture mimicked Martin's nervous one, and she had her arms folded over her chest with one hand up by her mouth, chewing on a nail.

Martin repeated what Mac had told him, and Bonnie felt her eyes narrowing in skeptical disbelief. She didn't trust this new guy, and she didn't see how he had everyone else hypnotized. In all honestly she had been meaning to ask Calli about it, as she was the only other one who seemed wary around him but not it looked like she conveniently wasn't going to get the chance.

Bonnie knew why Lucy liked him. She had seen and heard enough to know the guy was some kind of Lothario. If it hadn't been for Marcus she might have been interested in him too, but she still couldn't shake that the feeling something wasn't right.

"Wow" Lucy exclaimed, her eyes wide. "Is he on his way back?"

"Wait," Bonnie interjected. "Were just going to take this guys word for it? What about Calli?"

"Why would he lie?" Martin asked, sounding offended. A brief moment of silence past and he let his eyes drift behind her, becoming distant as he thought it over. "Although you're right, it doesn't seem like something Calli would do"

Frustrated, Bonnie left everyone standing in the kitchen, heading down to where Calli had slept near the garden and standing silently when Martin and Lucy came up behind her.

"Well at least she didn't steal that" Martin grumbled, referencing the abandoned tent that she had left behind. Bonnie searched the ground for foot prints but it hadn't rained in days. There was nothing to see except for partially trampled grass.

"What makes you think she stole anything?" Bonnie snapped, feeling uneasy and unable to relax. All of her nerves were on edge but she couldn't pinpoint why. "Did that guy say she did?"

She turned on her heel to watch Martin shaking his head, his chin in his hand as he stared at the empty nylon dome. The open door was cracking like a whip in the wind, and it seemed to mesmerize him. His eyes still had that far-off quality, as if he couldn't believe what was happening but had no alternative explanation.

"It doesn't make sense" Bonnie mumbled, letting her feet lead her back towards the house. "Why would she just leave so suddenly like that? She didn't even say goodbye"

She spent the rest of the time before Mac's return going over the details in her head. Calli had already been here when she and Marcus had shown up, and she had set her tent set up down the way from the house even though there were empty bedrooms she could have used. Bonnie couldn't remember the excuse Calli had given for preferring to sleep outside, but she knew that she had provided one when Bonnie had asked.

The only other weird thing about her was her strange tendency to completely check out sometimes, a trait she called "traveling" and tried to make jokes about. Despite Calli's attempts to dismiss it though, Bonnie recognized it as a sign of previous trauma, but even though she was curious she had never questioned her on it.

Everything had changed when this guy Mac had appeared. It wasn't just that he changed the group dynamic, turning Lucy into some kind of weird, jealous girl with zero loyalty, but he had also affected Calli somehow. Bonnie tried to remember all the times the two were in the same room together, honing in on any kind of interaction between them.

They had rarely spoken, but every time Mac was present, Calli's body language had always changed. She shrank in on herself, forfeiting all confidence in the way she held her shoulders and ducked her head; it was like she was trying to blend into the wall all of the sudden. Thinking back on it now, Bonnie realized she had never fully trusted the way the guy had followed her friend with his eyes either, pretending to be interesting in Lucy while all the while tracking Calli across the room.

Coming up empty handed again and again, Bonnie groaned in frustration. She knew she didn't have all the pieces, that she was trying to construct an incomplete puzzle, but she couldn't let it go. Something was wrong here, something to either make Calli want to suddenly jump ship, or something that had been brewing under the surface for a long time. Bonnie didn't buy that Calli would leave without even a note. She had either left in a hurry, or left against her will, those were the only two options that made any kind of sense.

XxXxXxXxXxXxX

Miles away, Anne was staring at her cell phone, willing Mac's name to illuminate the screen. She was being bad and sleeping in his bed. Was it _their_ bed? She wasn't sure. All she knew was that a month ago she would have never dared to even sit on it unless he had specifically told her to.

Without him though, she felt lost and she began to act out. She would sleep in his bed and wear his clothes, even lace his extra boots onto her feet and clomp around in them. It may have seemed harmless but she knew she wasn't allowed to touch his things; he would have beat the shit out of her if he had caught her. Except he wasn't here, and her defiance being met with no punishment was having a startling reaction on her. She felt out of control, nervous and with no where to turn. At least when Mac was around everything was cut and dry. He let her know what she could and couldn't do, he took care of everything.

Roaring out a disappointed howl, Anne got to her feet and resumed the pacing she had only moments ago taken a break from. She needed Mac to calm her down, needed him to snap her out of it, to order her to knock it off. Instead he was out there looking for that other girl, and she was stuck here taking care of the fucking cat.

Not that she ever saw the thing. That was another huge blow to whatever tattered bits of her ego remained, as she hadn't seen the cat since she'd last seen Mac. All she knew was that the food she left out everyday disappeared and in its place was a pile of cat shit.

The stupid thing would put it places to fuck with her, leaving a turd in her shoe or one right where she set her feet down in the morning. Other times it would it hide it so that in a few days the whole house stunk. Those were the worst for Anne. She would frantically search and clean the house, half hoping Mac would appear and finally be back around, while the other half was petrified of what he'd do to her if he came back before she'd found it.

One major rule he had was that the cat didn't shit in the house. It didn't matter that Anne hadn't been the one to bring the animal home, or that she hadn't even been around when the rule was created; she was charged with the duty just the same. Mac had made sure she never dared try to avoid the responsibility either. The only solution was to find it before he did, but the cat seemed to delight in making her panic.

Suddenly, the high-pitched shrill of her cellphone sounded from somewhere on the bed. She dove for it, digging through the blanket frantically until she found it, practically orgasming when she saw his name on the screen.

"Mac"

She said his name in a sigh of total relief, rewarded by the sound of his lips splitting into a smile as he opened his mouth to reply to her.

"Hi pet"

The sound of his voice made her heart soar. She fell back against the bed, clutching the phone with both hands, clinging to the sound of his husky voice. She listened to the sound of him smoking a cigarette, wishing she was kneeling at his feet and clinging to his leg while he watched tv. She could almost feel his hand smoothing the hair down the back of her head, absentmindedly petting her while they sat in silence.

"I miss you" she told him, her voice cracking under the pressure of her emotions. "It's so confusing here without you"

"How's cat"

"He's, he's fine, how are you? When are you coming home?"

"Ain't found the bitch yet. Told ya it was gunna take sum time dint i?"

Anne recoiled at the bite in his voice, wincing and trying to backpedal. She hadn't meant to irritate him, and his disapproval was like torture.

"Yes, im sorry sir," she sputtered, trying to think of what would please him best. "I shouldn't have questioned you. I wasn't thinking."

All she could hear was the sound of his open car window on the other end, the cough of him clearing his throat.

"You being good?" He asked her, his voice suddenly softer, like he was trying to lure her closer.

"Sometimes i sleep in your bed" she admitted, smiling when she heard him fake-gasp, knowing he was just teasing her and he wasn't actually upset. The endorphins released in her brain mimicked what a teenage girl feels when she learns that the boy she likes has a crush her too. It was like a gushing pipe of oxytocin, something that could sustain you for days.

"You have?" He asked, the rasp of him speaking made her eyes shut and her center throb. His voice was like nothing on earth, it went right through her skin. "Imma have to punish you fer that when i get back sweetheart, what do you think i should do to you?"

Her hand was already on her clit by the time he asked, the need was an impossible pressure to ignore. She arched her head back and moved her fingers lower, fitting two of them inside her and trying to prolong the sensation. She was right on the edge, she could come in seconds if she wanted to.

"Are you touching yerself now darlin?" He asked her. She froze, unsure if she had upset him, but he seemed to sense that too. "I didn't say stop" he growled.

Anne wondered how he could do that, how he could possibly be so connected with her body all those miles away, but she didn't waste time wondering about it for long. Mac exerting authority over her was like a bolt of lightning straight to her core, and she had long ago stopped resisting or questioning it. She felt safe inside the parameters he'd set for her, loved when he took the time to correct whatever behavior he didn't like. She wanted to be his, coveted and protected by his malice.

She listened as he spoke to her, moving her hand in circles against herself, totally lost inside her own bubble of building pleasure, when she felt something sharp sink into her foot. She screamed and shot up as she kicked, sending the tiny fur ball scattering across the bedroom floor.

"Fuck!" She shouted, reaching behind her for a pillow and throwing it at the demonic animal. "Fucking cat!"

"Hey!" His voice roared from the other end, no longer pretending but actually mad. "You touch one fucking hair on that cats head and yer dead, you got that?"

She nodded sullenly, forgetting that he couldn't see her. From the corner of the room, the cat hissed at her.

"Answer me"

"Yes" she replied, her voice monotone. She hated that cat, knowing Mac liked it more than her. It made her heart hurt to think about how she would always be third best after it and its perfect owner Calli. She didn't even react to his threat, she was too jealous to even consider the danger.

"Yes what?"

"Yes sir"

"Quit actin' like a goddamn dog without an owner" he snapped, making her move her head away from the phone. "Ya belong ta me an yer guna do what i tell ya. Now get off yer ass and go make me some money"

The 'beep' of him ending the call made her flinch the same way the slamming of the basement door used to. It was horrible to be closed off from him, and even though she had spent most of those early days in terrified pain, she still wished for them. He had been constant then, hardly giving her a moments rest from him. If only she had known to savor it, how badly it would hurt to be without him.

She sighed and got to her feet, holding one of her wrists up to trace the faint outline of the scar she still bore there. It was a faint purple these days, easy to cover with bracelets or makeup if she wanted to. She usually wore it proudly though, running her finger over it fondly and remembering how careful he had been to tie the ropes tight enough so that she wouldn't be able to escape. She wanted that feeling back, wanted him to want her enough to make sure she couldn't possibly get away. To be able to run without him here to chase her was like there was no point in living. She was nobody if she wasn't his. She craved his discipline

The cat hissed as she went by and swiped at her ankle. Somehow, Anne resisted kicking at it. Instead she grimaced and left the room, heading towards the bathroom to get ready for her shift.

X

I woke up slow, wondering what time it was and why i had fallen asleep on the couch. It was dark, but even without the use of my eyes i could sense that the depth of the room was different. This wasn't Martins living room, this was a tiny cabin in the middle of god knows where.

I shot up, my heart seizing like an engine that couldn't catch the gears. It felt awful, hectic and way too fast. I wondered about divers that raced to the surface of the sea too quickly, desperate to be back in the air. Was this how they felt? Was i dying?

I choked out a sound. When nothing stirred i knew i was alone, but after i caught myself wishing for Mac i repressed it. The decision to hate him strengthened me, helping me gather all the panic in my mind and stuff it into the compartment where i kept my love for him.

'How dare he' I thought to myself, feeling the anger build and tower over the fear. 'He has no fucking right'

I shifted on the couch, preparing to stand and find the lights, when i felt something heavy slide and pull on my ankle. I kicked out of reflex, thinking there was some kind of animal under the quilt, but couldn't get it to let go.

The panic returned. Whatever it was, it was heavy, and it had a good grip on me. There was the sudden pain of something biting me and i screamed, rocketing my body back onto the arm rest and finally kicking free of the blankets.

It took a moment for me to realize what i was looking at. My brain could never expected this, and it sputtered and stalled as it tried to comprehend the image my eyes were sending to it. It took a few seconds of false starts before the nerve endings and electrical firings where able to match the picture and direct the signal to the place where i formed words.

Because what at first looked like a huge brown snake, twisting and biting at my ankle, was actually a length of rusty chain, secured around the ball of my ankle with a padlock and pinching at the skin.

XxXxXxX

Dude Anne is so fucked in the headddddddd, she's so fun to write. Let me know what you think!


	15. Chapter 15

I immediately seized the chain in both hands, pulling on it and trying to get it to come apart. I fumbled with the lock next, executing the same pointless tugging until i was red in the face.

"You've gada be fucking kidding me" i mumbled in disbelief, following the length of the chain with my eyes to see where it led. It lay limp across the couch and then plummeted to the floor, explaining why it felt like i was being pulled by something.

I stood, finally turning on the overhead light, and slowly walked next to it, as if i didn't want to wake a slumbering beast. To me, the chain was something sinister, one of Mac's minions that he employed to keep tabs on me when he couldn't be around. I knew it was insane, assigning personality to inanimate objects, but I couldn't help my instinct to think that the chain was evil. When I followed it around the corner and towards the front door, i felt it start to slide behind me. The weight of it wasn't too bad but the noise it made was grating. It was a dismal scrape, the unmistakeable sound of dead weight being dragged. Sighing, knowing every detail of this plan had been carefully thought out, i gathered it up into a pile and then attempted to carry it. It was burdensome though, sliding in on itself the way chains are apt to and constantly shifting in my arms.

I let the menacing length of metal lead me, snorting in disbelief when i saw what he had done. Despite how annoyed i was, i couldn't help but hang my head and chuckle, hand pressed against my forehead. The chain went through a small doggy door in the bottom corner of the front door, and I was going to have to crawl through it.

I knew his sense of humor; he must have delighted in this part. I could imagine him smiling like a little kid as he did it, snickering to himself and trying to keep quiet. When i tugged on the chain it jerked in my arms, so i knew he had attached it to something in the front yard. Sighing, i got down on all fours and opened the flap to see through it, the chain lumped in a loose pile beside me.

I could hear the crickets before i even stuck my head out. It was late, and suddenly, i was exhausted. Just beyond the porch i could see a small portion of the night sky. It was brilliant with the uninterrupted light of a thousand distant stars. I pulled my head back inside and sat back on my haunches, exhaling in defeat and rising to my feet.

I went back to the couch, unable to sleep but too tired to scheme. It was then that i noticed the tablet. I snatched it up, minimizing the word document that had been left open and instead searching for the internet browser icon. I clicked on it eagerly when i found it, as if i were actually running towards freedom, but was quickly rebuffed by the lack of signal display. Never in my life had a computer seemed so cold and mean, just another one of Mac's cruel cohorts.

"Fuck" i muttered. "Fucking Fuck"

I took a deep breath and clicked on the note i had previously dismissed. I knew it was from him, i just wished i could have made fun of him while he typed it.

 **Calli**

 **Don't do anything stupid.** I'll be back soon.

 **The road to the cabin is miles long so don't try to walk it. Watch out for rattlesnakes if you do.**

 **Watch the movies and make me a list of food you want.**

 **There's stuff in the fridge and pantry for when you get hungry.**

The curser blinked at me from further down the page, meaning he had almost written more but then stopped. I scowled and looked at the folder of movies he'd downloaded. There were a lot, and i took that to mean he intended to keep me here for a while. I put the tablet beside me and stared at my feet. If he was warning me not to walk the long road to civilization, then there must be a way for me to get this chain off my ankle.

Testing my theory, i moved around the cabin to the various other rooms. I needed to know what i could and couldn't reach. I was expecting to not be able to get far, assuming he wanted to force me out through the doggy door, but to my surprise, he had included enough slack in the chain to allow me access to everything except the back bedroom.

'Dick' i thought to myself, staring longingly at the bed from the hall but unable to reach it.

Instead i went back to the kitchen and rummaged around for snacks. I went to the pantry after exploring the fridge and felt something under my foot. It was the weed liquid that he had spiked my drink with, and it felt like gold in my hand. I quickly checked the dosage, grumbling out loud when i realized there was only 20 milligrams left.

I didn't know what his tolerance was but i knew it couldn't be that low. I would have rather given him upwards of 100 milligrams, and i honestly didn't think 20 would even slow him down. Maybe if i mixed it with booze i could increase the potency enough to make him sleep heavier than usual but that was it. Still, the drugs could come in handy, so i hid them at the back of the bottom shelf behind old cookie tins and continued searching for something to eat.

XxXxXxXxXxXx

Mac could hear Lucy in his ear but he was focused on the way Bonnie was holding her face. It was easy to see that she didn't buy it, and even though it didn't really matter what she thought, he was still trouble shooting ways to convince her in his head.

She wasn't safe from him just because she was with Marcus. From what little Mac had seen, Marcus wasn't much for confrontation. He hadn't done anything to stop him when Mac had carried Bonnie out of their bedroom to soak her in the shower, and he never spoke assertively, not even when Lucy had 'accidentally' polished off his bottle of Stagg Jr.

Bonnie, perhaps thinking the same thing he was, looked quick from Marcus and then back to Mac. Her eyes still had that edge to them though, that goddamn defiance that made him want to hit her. She had no idea how brutal things could really get, the things a person could do if they felt like cornered. It made his hand twitch, that fucking look on her face, and he had to keep reminding himself that she wasn't his problem in order to keep his breathing steady.

It was just the four of them sitting around the table trimming into the trays in their laps. The table was cluttered with debris from their tasks and dirty plates and cups. Calli was the one who usually cleaned up the kitchen, and in her absence the pile just grew. So far, no one had stepped up to assume her responsibilities, but Mac had his money on Marcus.

Dinner was bleak. They burned the frozen pizza and had all ended up eating whatever leftovers they could find in the fridge. It was every man for himself, except of course for Mac who had Lucy to do it for him. Martin had taken a shot of the whiskey Mac had gotten on the way back but then disappeared. The last anyone had seen him he had been raking his hand through his hair and acting distracted, muttering something to himself and oblivious to the others.

Mac let him go. He knew the guy was probably wracking his brain trying to figure out what Calli could have taken. It wasn't normal for a worker to disappear without getting paid out first, and Mac was lucky that Martin hadn't accused him the way he knew Bonnie had.

"She just flipped out?" She had asked after he first told them all the story. It was clear she was skeptical. She held all of her emotions in her wrinkled brow and hard set eyes. "For no reason? And you left her on the side of the road?"

"Sure she had a reason" Mac mumbled in return. "Just don't know what the fuck it was"

"So she just snapped or something? What the hell happened?"

"I. Don't. Know."

He had gotten aggravated then, punctuating each word with lethal force and actually taking a step towards her. The girls and Marcus had collectively taken a step back, but Bonnie still hadn't been willing to let it go. It was all she talked about for the rest of the night, even if she never accused Mac directly.

"Calli had been acting so weird lately" Lucy said as they trimmed, trying to placate Bonnie in her obvious distress. "And she was super private too, maybe something came up and she had to get home"

Bonnie said nothing. She simply focused on the stem in her hands, snipping furiously at the dried leaves. Mac sighed, hoping she would just be smart enough to let it go.

He could always leave, he'd gotten what he'd come for after all, but Mac wasn't the type to go until he was good and ready. Nobody was going to chase him out either, especially not some chick. His plan was to just continue working for a while and accumulate some capital. It was good to have a source of income since he wasn't making money in Utah and Calli had put a dent in his rainy day fund. That, and even though he was fine with subjecting her to it, the thought of being trapped in that isolation made the muscles in his shoulder seize. He didn't like being confined.

Mac got up from the table, retrieving the whiskey off the counter and pulling straight from the bottle. For the hundredth time, he wondered what Calli was doing. Being separated from her again was harder than he thought it would be, even if he knew exactly where she was this time. He wanted to see her again, to have her right here in front of him, but he never questioned the choice he'd made in hiding her up there.

He had thought about just hauling her ass back to Utah, dragging her into his house and onto his bed, but had quickly decided against it. She had friends there, people that would help her if she begged them to, and Mac couldn't trust her not to disappear again. There would never be a way to keep his eyes on her 24/7, and at least this way he knew she'd stay put. The forest that cabin stood in was dense, and Calli had never had a good sense of direction. If she stuck to the road she'd get tired and turn back. If she tried to hike out she'd get lost. Either way, the chain around her ankle was going to make both options seem impossible, so he wasn't worried. The image of her disoriented in the woods did make him a little nervous though, and he hoped she wouldn't be that goddamn stupid.

To calm himself back down, he thought about her on the couch beside him earlier, the way her arousal had flooded his nose. He knew it was pheromones, something primal that couldn't be helped, but he was still impressed by the effect they had on him. Nothing, not even booze or meth, could inebriate him the way the smell of her cunt could. It was instantly distracting, the only thing he could focus on. There had been times he had stopped dead in his tracks because he could suddenly sense her, and whenever he scanned the room in search he would always find her, eyes locked on him and cheeks flushed. Once or twice it had been when he was fighting in the parking lot of the bar. More often than not though, it was when he was working on cars.

She would hang around and pretend to be reading but Mac knew she liked to watch him strain against rusted bolts and listen to him curse. She had a thing about the jumpsuit too, something he didn't understand but never questioned. Those dirty blue coveralls got him laid somehow, and he could give a fuck about the reason.

The whiskey burned in his throat, reminding him of another itch he needed to scratch. He set the bottle down, fumbling in his pocket for his pack of smokes and heading towards the door. His memories were beginning to betray him, constantly reminding him of how she'd been versus how she was. Once upon a time, everything he did had turned Calli on. These days, all she did was deny him. It was fucking infuriating.

His spun the wheel of his zippo with his thumb, hardly feeling the contact under the thick scar tissue that covered all of his fingers. Calli was only being stubborn, a spoiled brat who had forgotten what she could and could not get away with. He snapped his wrist so that the lid slammed down hard on the flame. Any other time he would have just fucked her, knowing it was what she really wanted, what she needed, but these circumstances were making him just as stubborn.

He wanted her to relent, to admit that she was his. If he forced himself on her it was just going to prove whatever point she thought she was making, and Mac had no intention of letting her win anything. She belonged to him, and this was ridiculous, this behavior from her. Sighing, reminding himself that pregnant women acted crazy, he flicked the ash from the tip of his cigarette and drew in another lungful of smoke. From behind him, the sound of the screen door swinging open broke his concentration.

"Mind if i join you?" Lucy asked

Mac tried not to stiffen. This bitch itched like a chigger under his skin, but he was going to pretend she didn't and keep fucking her. Besides the connection she had to this job he wanted to stay at, there was also the convenience of having someone to fuck whenever he wanted to. Bad things happened when he didn't have that.

The longest he had gone without sex had been the week when Walter had refused to get him out of jail. He was being held on multiple charges, but his father could have made the town cops release him with a wave of his gnarled old hand. Instead, pissed that Mac had gotten locked up again for something stupid, he had left him there to rot. Walter claimed it was strictly 'for Mac's own good' but there had been consequences for others as well. By the time he got out he was so wound up that the three women he'd paid to satisfy him had all ended up in the hospital. Walter hadn't commented on it but he had also never left Mac in a cage again. Maybe he knew that his son hadn't meant to hurt them, not really, but that he hadn't been able to stop when they told him to. Mac was usually better at keeping himself in check. That night he had been like an animal, everything experienced through a weird, pulsating filter of red. He didn't like that hectic, out of control feeling and he was grateful that it had only happened once.

He ticked his head to dismiss the thought and then nodded at Lucy. It didn't matter. He had lost ahold of himself then, but only because he had been made to wait so long. That was why he had always had to have multiple women at once, so he could rotate and never be without. Calli insisted that she could handle him, that she didn't want him finding it elsewhere, but he knew enough about himself at this point to know that no one person would ever be able to sustain him. He fucked because it was a compulsion, because he had to.

Before that it had been fighting, any kind of contact that would make him feel tired afterwards, not so ready to explode. After he had discovered sex around the age of fourteen though, it quickly became his ritual. He still enjoyed fighting, it always felt good when a punch connected, but nothing compared to the thrill of dominating another human sexually. When he was younger he used to just fuck, content in the power it gave him. Since then however, he had grown into something darker, something that wanted even more.

Soon physical control wasn't good enough. It wasn't difficult for him to hold someone down and force his dick inside them, and he got bored with it almost immediately. Despite that time with Reggie in the caves, Mac didn't consider himself a rapist. Or if he had been, it had only been a phase and he had already grown out of it. There had been other insistence's of non-consent in his checkered past but it was usually after things had already started, and by then of course there was no going back for him. If they got passed a certain point and the girl suddenly wanted him to stop, he simply ignored her. Those times didn't count as rape in his mind. They all secretly wanted it, they just didn't want to admit they had willingly fucked the guy from the wrong side of town. Mac was a born problem solver though, he could fix it so that everyone got what they needed.

Usually however, he didn't have to. There was a certain breed of women that liked to be spoken to and treated in a demeaning way, and Mac was very good at finding them. They weren't all that rare honestly, it just took a certain kind of attitude to lock them into place and to make them behave. In his experience, women liked it when he took over their lives for them, offering up all the decisions they didn't want to make and just doing whatever he said. it was easy.

It started one night at the bar, when a girl he had been trying hard to dismiss for over a week just kept coming at him. At first he thought he was going to have to kick her, the way you do a dog that wont stop following you, but something about the way she looked at him gave him pause. Eventually he realized that she liked being talked down to, that he was already giving her what she wanted, and he finally started paying attention to her. She had turned out to be lots of fun, and he had spent that whole summer seeing just how devoted to him she was willing to be, his longest relationship to date until Calli. That had been the first girl to get off on the way he degraded her, and once he realized it was an option, he never looked back.

After that he had reformed his tactics to a more verbal approach. Everything he said or did had an underlying motive, and he began to thoroughly enjoy the planning and plotting that went along with seducing someone. He could pay for sex if it was an emergency, another form of control he got off on, but he prided himself on being able to just talk women into it. It didn't matter to him if he was using his words or his body, and it was fun once he got the hang of it. In the past when women ignored him he would have gotten pissed. Now though, he saw it as a challenge, and he didn't mind if it took days or even weeks sometimes. Fucking women who had first turned their noses at him was a heady rush, especially when they let him hurt and humiliate them.

Case in point, the brunette standing beside him. If she hadn't been trapped here with no other options, Mac wondered if she would have acted the way she had towards him. In his eyes she was a spoiled brat, the type of girl that took a little more convincing, but he wasn't going to argue with convenience.

Lucy wasn't like Calli, who had been made specifically for him; she wasn't even close. She probably still had parents somewhere, parents that loved her and sent her money when she asked them nicely. Mac and Calli were different. Their parents hadn't ever seen them as something special to love and protect. Mac and Calli were outdoor dogs, the kind who slept soundly in the rain because they just didn't know any better.

If push came to shove Mac could tell this girl next to him would buckle easily. He wanted Calli, and he needed to figure out a way to sneak off for a few days to go see her. She was going to be pissed, but he was kind of looking forward to that part. She smelled so good when she got angry.

XxXxXxXx

 **Hey! Finalllllyyyyyyyy i got this chapter done. Sorry that took so long, i just cant rush it. Let me know what you think! It took so long to edit because i kept rearranging certain parts of it, do you think it flows well or does it seem choppy?**

 **also, what is your favorite Mac relationship in this one? Mac and Calli, Mac and Lucy or Mac and Anne? ;)**

 **Thank you for reading!**

 **Magz**


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